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When they’re not blocking you, that is.
Even just thinking that sent a familiar stab to my chest right below my ribcage. It didn’t matter how often it happened, it was a sensation that took my breath away with its intensity. Every single fucking time.
“No,” he said, shaking his head.
“Never? Not even before she went down to hell?”
“No.”
“Hm,” I said, nodding. “I don’t have answers for you. I honestly don’t think even Ace would. He’s done a lot of research on this, but as far as I know, we have Claimed humans. And maybe because they have a soul, the Claiming works differently with them.”
“But Lenore…” Aram said.
Was a witch.
“Witches are more human than we are, though,” I reasoned.
Sure, witches came in all shapes and sizes, with all sorts of abilities. But those powers came from the earth, from the elements, from their control over those things.
It didn’t come from God or the devil.
Which made them more human than not.
“She had a human soul,” I added. “Red doesn’t. It would make sense to me that you two would both have to experience it for it to be a full Claiming. Or, I don’t know, maybe you just… love her.”
“Love?” Aram asked, slow-blinking at me like the word didn’t make any kind of sense.
Humans loved.
That was how they were wired.
Demons?
Not so much.
“Yeah. Love.”
“We can’t feel human emotions,” Aram insisted.
“Can’t we? Think about how different we all are from when we first got here. The longer we’ve been trapped here, the more human-like we have become. Rage, that has always been a part of us. But there’s no denying we’ve all felt things that aren’t natural to us. Even empathy for shit going on in the human realm. Disgust over the shit they do to each other over and over, despite history telling them it is a bad idea.”
“I guess that’s true. But love?” Aram asked, shaking his head.
“You’ve been with Red from the beginning. We all give a shit about one another. Maybe your give-a-shit has, over the years, become more than that. And maybe that beast inside of you feels it, and wants to act on it, but can’t.”
“Doesn’t make it feel any less shitty,” he said, head hanging again.
“No,” I agreed. “I can’t imagine it does.”
“How the fuck have you dealt with this for so long?”
“I honestly don’t know,” I told him. “I guess because I have no choice. I can’t make it stop. I can’t die. It just… fucking goes on.”
“But when you see her?” he asked, glancing up.
It was my turn to look away, feeling a bit too exposed talking about it.
“It makes it all worth it. For a few short, perfect fucking minutes,” I told him, my eyes closing as visions of the night before flashed across my eyes. “But then you are back in that hole.”
To that, Aram nodded.
“I need to know she’s okay,” he said a moment later. “Maybe then, it won’t be so bad.”
“Maybe,” I agreed, not wanting to give him too much false hope.
I worried about Dale constantly, even though I knew how strong she was, and had seen how talented a fighter she was. I think especially because she shut down the link between us, there was a constant, niggling worry about her safety, about her getting hurt, and me not being able to step in and help.
“Let me guess,” Aram said, glancing over at me, “it doesn’t help knowing they’re safe.”
“No,” I agreed. “It doesn’t. I mean, there is some relief in that. But it doesn’t make any of the pain stop. Or the need to be with them.”
To that, he nodded.
“So, what do you think happens now for me?” he asked. “Do I stay stuck in this partial Claim?”
He didn’t say it, but I could hear the rest of that thought hanging in the air.
Am I doomed to the misery of your rejected Claim for all of eternity?
“I wish I had an answer for you,” I told him, meaning it. It was bad enough what I dealt with, but there was a sort of resigned acceptance to it, knowing there was no changing it.
You figured it out.
You learned to cope.
“I need to find Red,” he said, mostly to himself. “Maybe then I will know for sure if this is a Claim, or if it’s just…”
“Love,” I filled in for him when he couldn’t say it.
I wouldn’t say there was anything “just” with regards to love, though. I mean, humans had been writing poems and songs and plays about it since the beginning of time. They’d been killing themselves over it and starting wars over it.
“Yeah, that.”
“Maybe get some sleep,” I suggested. “You’ve been running yourself ragged looking for her for months. Get some rest. Maybe shit will feel more clear after that.”
“Maybe,” he agreed, nodding. “Thanks, Minos,” he added as I moved off the door. “Hey, can you do me a favor?”
