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“Doctor Winkle doesn’t think it would have done me any good to have the complete mastectomy now or else he doesn’t want to make me feel bad for my choice. Look,” she said opening her blouse to reveal red burned skin caused from the radiation.
A pained gasp escaped me. “Does it hurt?” I asked.
“Yes,” she replied honestly re-buttoning her blouse. “Gabrielle I know that you should be with Kerry in Illinois especially with the baby coming first week of September but I don’t know how long I have to live. Will you come to Hell?” She asked.
I hadn’t told anyone not even Yancy that Kat and I had made the decision already to move back to Hell. I hadn’t discussed anything with Kerry but I nodded in agreement anyway.
“If I’m lucky I might live six months. That is why we did the radiation…sort of a last ditch effort. The oncologist thinks it will continue to spread quickly. I’ve taken my last chemo treatment and my last radiation treatment. We decided that on Monday. What life I have left will be quality not spent feeling burnt or deader from the chemo than the disease.”
Then, I sobbed against the pillow while my mother caressed my face and played with my hair.
“Gabrielle,” she began, “stop crying right now,” she ordered me sternly using her motherly tone.
I sniffed back the tears that wanted to escape. I looked at her through blurry tear filled eyes. Her scent was the same fresh from Ivory soap. I knew her scent from my childhood but she was not the same.
“You have always been my rock. I need you now. I’m afraid. I don’t want to be in pain. Doctor Winkle says he’ll make sure I’m in the least amount of pain possible but I am afraid and I need you now.”
I leaned over and laid my head against my mother’s chest careful not to touch her body where the radiation had burned her skin. “I love you Mom,” I told her not using her given name again for the third time in my life. Twice in one day. “Even when you interfere and say nasty things to me I love you with all my heart.”
She chuckled. “I know you do Gabrielle,” she told me. “I know you do. Go visit with your sisters now. I need to rest and could you send Keegan in I would like to see her privately?"
“When she and Wynne come back from the barn I’ll send her upstairs,” I told my mother before leaving her to rest in my bed.
Chapter Seventeen
My sisters were huddled around the island in the middle of my kitchen when I returned from visiting with my mother who was resting in my bedroom. The men were gathered around my small oak breakfast table. Brad and Troy, I noticed had spent some time together. They were comfortable talking with each other; slapping each other’s shoulders; sharing golf stories with Kerry starting to ingrate him into the pack. When I walked into the room the adults suddenly became silent.
“What?” I asked uncertain why they were looking at me so.
“What do you think?” Adin asked.
“Oh…Yancy,” I replied. “She’s looked better,” I said sadly.
Worse than I expected. Dying not what I expected.
My sister Gemma rose so that I could sit on the stool at the island.
She patted my back lovingly, “I am sorry Gab.” I looked at her confused. “For what I said outside,” she clarified.
“Don’t give it another thought.” I dismissed her concerns with a wave of my hand knowing that she had been chastised while I had been upstairs with Yancy. I knew my sisters they could be harsh when necessary.
“I just wanted you to know,” she added awkwardly.
Adin was still giving her a look when I heard Wynne and Keegan enter through the front door with Pop. The screen door slammed shut with a loud crash. Their thunderous footsteps could be heard climbing the stairs. I rose to tell Keegan that her grandmother wanted to see her but heard at the swinging door to my kitchen that she was at my room. The familiar squeak gave her location away. I walked back to the island sat down on the stool. They were all looking at me again.
Glancing at each of my sisters with a guilty expression on my face I wanted to tell them what my mother had told me. Then, I looked at Kerry. I had to talk to him first. I had to discuss with him our future then I would be damned that I would keep this secret from my sisters. They deserved to know but after I was settled in Hell. I wouldn’t ruin Keegan’s graduation.
Thump. Thump. Kick. Kick. I smiled at my baby’s movement inside my belly. A little happiness in a bleak afternoon.
#
Keegan made a quick exit. I was coming down the stairs when I heard Kerry’s car engine revving in the driveway. Disappointed that I had missed her before she left I saw only the dust of her father’s car as she drove it away. Kerry stepped inside. I had hoped that I could catch her before she left for graduation but maybe I could still see her at the school before the ceremony began. I was so proud of her and wanted to tell her before she left. A last kiss and a hug.
“I tried to catch her,” he said shaking his head. “I wanted to tell her good luck.”
“I wanted to tell her how proud of her I was.”
“She called out see you all at graduation. Thanks for letting me use your car Dad. And then, she was gone in a cloud of dust.”
