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“I thought maybe I could get her, so you could sleep,” Disa said. “You looked so tired at the store yesterday morning.”
I chuckled. “Seth woke me when he got home. I couldn’t get back to sleep anticipating her waking soon.”
“Maybe I should go home, then.” She turned like she might leave.
“No, don’t go,” I said to her surprising myself and Disa.
I had a feeling about this woman when I was with her. The same one that I had six years ago when we were falling in love.
That is why I wanted her to stay so badly. I was fighting an internal battle between wanting to stay focused on Asia and wanting to be near Disa. To absorb this feeling of peace when I was with her.
Disa hesitated then she walked down the hall to me. I put my arm around her shoulders and we headed to the baby’s room. I got Asia out of her bed and changed her diaper then I carried her to my room with Disa right beside me.
I left Disa with Asia while I went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water, formula and two bottles. One for now and one for the six-a.m. feeding.
I was half awake and stumbled into my room tripping over my own feet. Disa smiled at me but she wanted to laugh. I handed her the items in my hand and watched as she poured the water into the bottle then mixed the powder in and shook it.
We leaned against the solid, wood headboard. Disa handed me the bottle and I stuck the nipple near Asia’s mouth. She grabbed it with a greediness that didn’t surprise me. My daughter was a good eater. Disa was cold so she pulled the comforter over her lap and leaned her head on my shoulder, watching Asia like I did.
“She’s so beautiful, Ben. You make a beautiful little girl,” she teased me. Her voice was soft and low, so she didn’t disturb my daughter.
I smiled at her. Her face was close to mine as we both looked at Asia. Then Disa glanced up at me. Our eyes locked on each other for a briefest of moments. Just a second where I could read that she wanted to kiss me. I wanted to kiss her too.
I moved closer about to kiss her then she looked back at Asia. Avoidance was better for both of us right now. I was disappointed. I breathed in and exhaled, calming my frazzled self.
Easier, I thought.
For now.
I needed to focus on my daughter.
For now.
Mom and Dad would still be a road block if I was interested in Disa. They wouldn’t understand, that I had changed. I wanted something different in my life now that I had a daughter who needed more than a father who went from woman to woman looking for something that didn’t exist in one-night stands.
I glanced at the woman sitting next to me. Looking for something that didn’t exist because I couldn’t find the woman in them that I was looking for. I could never find the woman that was sitting next to me right now until Jasmine, her cousin.
Woman after woman was easier. Easier to not commit when I was younger and wasn’t ready. Couldn’t have what I wanted, anyway. That way of life became a habit. Became the norm for me. Mom and Dad’s divorce gave me pause for sure. If they couldn’t make it who could? Now Matt and Layla.
Layla had left Matt for another man. Their dissolution was final, and he had full custody of Justin because Layla was living in Florida with her soon to be second husband. I had heard this from a friend of Layla’s, but Matt didn’t want to know where she was. Or at least, he said he didn’t.
The Hatfield’s weren’t doing the best in the love department except Elijah. He and Jenny were happy. My other brothers weren’t even looking except Seth. My baby brother had stars in his eyes when it came to romance. He believed in true love. He thought it was out there waiting for him somewhere with the right girl.
I caught sight of the Disa out of the corner of my eye. She had fallen asleep on my shoulder. Her long hair fell over her shoulder in soft, ringlets. I wanted to touch it like a child tempted by something he knew he shouldn’t have or want. I turned to Asia and checked the bottle. She needed burping, so I sat the bottle between me and Disa and lifted Asia to my shoulder trying to not disturb the women who was asleep on my shoulder.
She slid down and curled to her side near me then laid her hands beneath her face and went to sleep. I chuckled. I guess she was staying in my bed. After Asia burped I laid her back in my arms and put the bottle back in her mouth. Then I glanced over my daughter’s head at the woman asleep in my bed.
In high school, she wore, long flowing skirts that hid the beautiful legs she had. A requirement of her religion. Clothes that didn’t accentuate her fine figure. Clothes that didn’t draw attention to her beauty.
She was curvy in the right places. T-shirts that didn’t show what a beautiful body she had. That didn’t happen in high school. Disa didn’t go to high school football or basketball games. She wasn’t allowed to go to our dances.
Her long hair was always braided or in a bun. Now, she wore it back from her face sometimes, but rarely wore it braided and never in a bun. She didn’t hide how beautiful her curls were. It wasn’t a sin to hide her beauty. It was a sin to make her feel like she had to.
When Asia was done with
her bottle. I took her back to her room. She was still awake but not fussing. I kissed her forehead and laid her on her back in the crib. I patted her tummy before I walked out of the room.
At the door, I looked back at my daughter. I whispered, “I love you baby.” Then I shut the door.
