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Mom gazed across the seat at me. “I don’t know anything, other than Elijah called me this morning and told me Jasmine left the baby with them. She’s gone, Ben. She left a letter for you to read. Maybe that letter will tell you what you want to know.”
I swallowed hard. I knew what Mom was thinking. Hell, I knew what they were all thinking. Asia needed me now and they weren’t entirely wrong, but could I do this?
I had been thinking I wanted to see Asia, but I was still mulling around the idea of how to go about doing it and what that entailed. Her mother was a factor in seeing my daughter. I was still pissed at Jasmine. Now, she was gone.
When I met Jasmine, in the parking lot at Ike’s I did things differently with her. I took her on dates. The last one I slept with her then I pushed her away because of Disa. When I was cock deep in her, I could only see her cousin’s face in the face I was looking at and it scared the shit out of me.
She had lied to me about her age. She was only nineteen when she told me she was twenty-five. I should have known. I could have asked Disa her cousin’s age. Disa had always been my friend before she was something more. Until the moment I took her cousin out and that bothered me. That is why I ran that morning. I thought to myself, get your head on straight man before you hurt this woman.
I was enthralled by her beauty, the free and easy feeling I had when I was with her. It was her innocence that captured me. She was just like Disa and that was the kicker. I kept comparing her to Disa.
Shit no wonder, Jasmine was innocent, she was only nineteen. I still didn’t believe her story about not knowing that the antibiotics would make her birth control pills ineffective.
Mom turned down the long driveway, that led to the farm. I had cut everyone off over the last nine months while Jasmine carried Asia. They were all taking care of her. I was angry at them. Angry at myself mostly because I had been careless and now I was a father. My life had changed, and only six weeks ago when I held that child in my arms did I realize it was for the better.
I thought she had lied to me about being on birth control. I felt shackled by own stupidity. I knew better. When I didn’t have any condoms and neither did Seth I should have said another time. I didn’t. I had sex with Jasmine. Seven weeks later, I get a call from her saying she’s pregnant.
I paid for all the doctor’s visits, so her delivery was covered. I did the right thing. I tried to convince her she wasn’t ready for this before I even knew she was nineteen. Hell, I was twenty-eight and not sure that I was ready for a child.
Then I held that innocent child in my arms. I knew that she was what I had been waiting for. She was what I needed to change my life. I had been unhappy for a while now. Searching for something. Feeling lost like I was missing something. I had found her. Purpose, in a tiny child named Asia. My daughter.
Mom parked in the driveway. I hopped out and made my way around the front of the truck. Did she bring the truck because she thought I was bringing Asia home with me? Hell, I knew nothing about taking care of a baby. How could I take her home with me? Couldn’t they give me a little time to figure out how to take care of baby before they socked it to me with all the responsibility?
I grabbed Mom’s hand as she started to walk towards the house. “Mom, what are you thinking?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” Her innocent act wasn’t flying with me. Hadn’t worked in a long time with any of us.
“I mean, Jasmine’s gone. You said Asia needs me. You bring Seth’s truck here to the farm instead of your vehicle.”
She stared at me for a moment. I grew uncomfortable beneath her gaze. “I expect you to be a man now, Ben. Your daughter needs you.”
“We’re taking Asia back to the trailer?” I asked.
“You bet your ass we are,” she declared. Then she walked away from me. I groaned.
I tried to grab her hand to stop her, so I could talk sense to
her, but my diminutive mother was quick on her feet. “Mom, you do know that I have never taken care of an infant. I don’t know anything about what to do. What they need. How to feed them. What if I hurt her?”
She scoffed at me. “You are twenty-eight years old, Benjamin. She’s a helpless baby. We’ll write it down for you.” Rachel glanced over her shoulder at me. “You can follow instructions.”
“Shit.”
Mom laughed. I didn’t think it was a damn bit funny. Then she walked through the door and I followed her. Elijah was on the couch holding both babies. My daughter and his son.
Why couldn’t I have had a son? A son I would know what to do with. A daughter? I had no clue what to do with a girl other than what I had done with Asia’s mother which is what had gotten me into trouble in the first place. I could tell my daughter only one thing, how to avoid men like me.
In the last ten months, I had turned over a new leaf or else I was scared to death now of the complications of sex. Jasmine was the last woman I had been with. The night our daughter was conceived to be exact.
Then last night’s kiss flittered through my mind and I had to shove it out. I wondered how Disa would treat me in the light of day now that I had kissed her.
I’ll admit I was attracted to Jasmine. I’ll admit that night I ran. After five dates, which I never do, I took her home with me. I never took a woman to the trailer with me. I always went to their house. That night I realized I had been with her for all the reasons and worse, I couldn’t take it back and make things right.
For months, I watched the hurt look on Disa’s beautiful face. She didn’t understand. I couldn’t explain it to her either, not the first time when I suddenly stopped seeing her and this time when I messed up by taking her cousin out on a date or dates.
The first time, we stopped seeing each other, for a while, her whole demeanor changed when she saw me at the pub. She was kind but different. Aloof. She acted like she didn’t care. She was friendlier with other guys and it cut me. I’ll be honest.
She was my dad’s employee and if I had screwed that up for her I wouldn’t have heard the end of it from him and Rachel, but I just couldn’t get over the fact that I felt like I had lost an angel. Not many men get a chance with a woman like Disa Riley and I had tossed it aside without a fight.
