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Maybe it had something to do with Dad’s parents not being so close to him. My Grandma that I was close to was Mom’s mother. I saw my other grandparents when someone died or got married. Otherwise, I rarely saw them. They lived in Florida where they retired at fifty-five. My dad didn’t seem interested in seeing them either.
“Why isn’t Dad close to his parents like you are with Grandma?” I asked.
Mom shot me that same look. “Why so many questions, Abby?”
“Just trying to figure out dynamics, relationships. Why we are the way we are, I guess.”
She stared at the road. “Dad’s parents aren’t like mine. Your grandpa worked long hours, seven days a week.” Just like Dad. “He wasn’t loving like your dad is.” Mom smiled at me. “Your grandmother is warmer but different. She wasn’t raised in a loving, huggy type of family like mine. So, it was different for them. They didn’t mind not seeing each other so much when they moved to Florida. Seemed like the natural thing to them.”
“It isn’t,” I declared.
“Maybe not to some but who are we to judge, Abby. You’re right, though. It didn’t seem normal to me either. Your dad was different when I first started dating him. He loved me with a passion that scared him. He wasn’t used to feeling this way. He wasn’t used to being touchy-feely like I am.”
I was fascinated that she was talking about my parent’s relationship so openly. “Then we lived together because that is what made him comfortable. I don’t think he wanted to get married until we realized that we really wanted to have kids.”
“He said he did.”
Mom laughed. “He would. We are best friends Abby. Partners in life and love as corny as that sounds. I love him as madly today as I did seventeen years ago when I married him. Even longer when we started dating, faults and all. You need to be able to accept it all, honey. Marriage is hard. It’s not all hearts and roses, you know. We don’t show you the fights. Maybe we should so you know it isn’t the glass front house we live in all the time that seems perfect on the outside.”
I was surprised she admitted that to me.
“Dad and I have our ups and downs like every other married couple, but it is worth it to us to stick together for you, for us. For our family.”
“Do you know what I like about the Coopers?” I asked.
“What?” She glanced at me again. A slight frown on her face as she waited for me to tell her.
“What you see is what you get. There is no façade. It is what it is. They let it all hang out,” I explained not realizing that I had inadvertently hurt my mother’s feelings.
I didn’t really mean to but my entire life, my relationship with her had been about keeping up appearances. Being better. Looking better. I loved her but part of my insecurities about myself were because she was not only a tough act to live up to, but she was offering me suggestions on how to better myself instead of accepting me how I was.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“It’s fine,” she replied. I could hear that it wasn’t. Her tone was clipped now.
“Mom, I didn’t mean it.”
She looked at me with tears in her eyes and she smiled sadly. “Unfortunately, you did Abby. Maybe you had a right to feel that way though. I’m always trying to change you, aren’t I?”
I didn’t respond. I knew that if I did, I would only make it worse. We didn’t talk the rest of the way home. I helped her carry groceries inside. Then I went upstairs and texted Cal. I told him what had happened. I thought maybe he shouldn’t come to dinner after all. There was a chill in the air at the Gardener house tonight and it was all my fault.
Don’t beat yourself up, Abby. Whatever you think is best, but I will miss you today.
I will miss you too.
Chapter 14
That chill hung around for a while. Mom was quiet and I hated that I had hurt her feelings. Things with Aiden at school had chilled for a while too mainly because I asked Cal to try to make peace with him. He was his lifelong friend and deserved a second chance.
Daniel Cooper’s orders were delayed. He invited me to attend Thanksgiving dinner at their house or at least to stop by. I got a hug from him every time I visited their house. He was another reason, I felt more and more at home with the Coopers.
I promised to do my best to make it for dessert, explaining that my grandma was coming to visit. I hadn’t seen her since leaving in June so, I was excited about seeing her again. Cal promised to come over at some point during the day. We were determined to see each other one way or another.
At noon Wednesday, school let out starting our Thanksgiving holiday. We weren’t going back to school until Tuesday the following week because teachers had a in service deal on Monday.
Not seeing each other until Friday or possibly Saturday seemed like a lifetime to Cal and me when we were at school everyday week after week, constantly together. Christmas break was going to suck. By then, his Dad was going to be gone and I knew Cal wasn’t looking forward to him leaving again.
Mom was letting Cal drive us home from school now. It made her life easier, so why not? We had celebrated our sixteenth birthday rather quietly which also disappointed Mom. She wanted a grand party. She couldn’t understand I wasn’t the social butterfly that she wanted me to be.
