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This young woman was amazing. I watched her grow up. Protected her since she was born from boys and men just like me and then I fucked it up. I rubbed my eyes hard then I looked at her. “So now what, Skybug?”
“We figure out how to be really great parents, Ronan.”
She made it sound so simple. I began to realize that the drugs were definitely a problem. All week, I had been thinking about just taking a hit off the weed I knew I could find in one of my socks. It was in a box that my brothers brought to the farm from my apartment. My stash. Drugs and alcohol had c
aused my blackout leading to this serious situation we were facing. I leaned over on my knees and ran my hands through my hair. First thing Monday I was making an appointment or signing up for a meeting. I needed to get my head on straight.
A knock on the door startled us both. I rose to get it leaving Skylar leaning on the back of the sofa watching me. I glanced over my shoulder at her before I opened the door. Aine and Fionn were there. Ciaran and Ryan too.
“We brought some stuff to you,” Fionn said by explanation.
“I’m not sure Coach intended for me to move here.” Although the cabin was cool and it was peaceful.
“Actually, he does. He’s still at the farm with Mom and Dad. Rhett and Tegan. Lexi and Noah since they brought Gramps home and Grandpa and Gram,” Aine replied. “He said this was a perfect spot for you since you’ll be working with him on the football team? He says it’s a great place to find your inner peace.”
I chuckled at Coach’s words. He didn’t look like the kind of man who did this sort of thing but he had taken up meditating when we were teenagers. He preached it a lot. I nodded. Then I explained his offer. I was going to need it now that I was going to be a father. I sat by Skylar and the girls went to chairs near the sofa while my brothers carried my boxes inside.
“Fionn, I’ll still help you on the farm as much as I can when I’m not working with Coach.”
“No problem,” he replied then headed out to get another load.
Fionn and Ciaran finished the last load putting everything in the first bedroom on the right which was fine with me except one of those boxes had weed in it. I rose from the sofa. Skylar watched me go down the hall. Hell they all were watching me and wondering.
I went into the bedroom where my boxes were located and rooted through them until I found my socks where my tiny bag of weed was hidden inside a folded up sock. I let the bag fall out then I realized that someone was standing right behind me. I turned and looked into the eyes of Skylar O’Halloran, the mother of my child. She reached into the box and picked up the bag.
“Is that all?”
“Yes,” I told her honestly. She nodded at me.
“I want to be a good man Skylar. A good father.” There was so much more at stake now. My son.
She looked up at me. I wanted her to say something. “I know you do.”
“Get rid of that,” I told her. “I’ll make an appointment tomorrow to see a drug counselor.”
“Are you doing it for you, Ronan?” She asked.
I inhaled. I was doing it for her first and foremost. I screwed things up by getting us into this mess. Then I was doing it for our son. Then me. “Does it matter why I’m doing it? I’m determined to be damn sure that I don’t screw up again.”
She laid her hand on my arm and smiled at me. “That’s good enough.”
**
I walked Skylar to the car after everyone left. “Where are you going? I seem to remember your Dad saying that you had been at Ciaran and Ryan’s.”
She nodded. Her mom had been applying pressure to tell her who the father of her baby was so she escaped by going to her sister’s house. They were pressuring her to tell me about the baby. There were tears in her eyes when she finished explaining. I pulled her to me and hugged her. I caused a shitload of trouble for this girl. “You can stay here with me if you want? There are two bedrooms,” I told her, my tone was husky. I felt terrible that I hurt her.
“I’ll think about it,” she replied. “Tonight, I’m going back to Ciaran and Ryan’s. I don’t want to talk to anyone. Now that you know they won’t force me into conversations I’m not ready for.”
I kissed her forehead and then opened the door without releasing her. “Will you text me and let me know you’re there safely?”
“I will.” She hesitated getting into the car. “Will you be all right?”
I nodded. Then she handed me one of the pictures of Luke. My actual first name, and my great-grandfather’s name. I liked it. “We’ll talk tomorrow,” I said.
She nodded. I watched her pull out of the drive then I went inside and shut the door locking it behind me. I went to the kitchen and found no food. That was going to be a problem. Grocery store tomorrow. I grabbed some water and downed a glass. The baby’s ultrasound picture staring me in the face. I kicked off my shoes and went out to the back patio in my shorts and t-shirt with my phone, a glass of water and the ultrasound picture.
All I could do was stare at this picture and think. I wanted to remember how it happened. I had Skylar’s version. I wanted to talk to one of the guys so I called Stokes. Him and Mickey were the two guys I was closest to. I hadn’t talked to him since sticking that needle in my arm. As far as I knew he didn’t know if I was dead or alive.
