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The cabin was in the middle of nowhere with just the two of us. The silence was overwhelming while I waited for her to make more noise. Just a splash of water came next. What was Skylar doing? I rose from the sofa and walked to the hallway. Suddenly, I was intrigued. I couldn’t remember a damn thing about that night that created Luke. She knew it all. She remembered every second. Every sound. Called it great sex. I couldn’t even imagine being intimate with Skylar O’Halloran.
A low moan of pleasure escaped her pretty pink lips and I groaned. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t stand here and listen to Skylar pleasure herself if that is what she was doing. My sweats were already a little tighter in the crotch area just listening to her. I went outside and slid into one of the lounge chairs staring out over the woods surrounding the cabin.
**
I was so humiliated. The words just popped out of my mouth. I wanted him all right. Living with him might be harder to control these growing feelings. Maybe I should move back home? I splashed water across my chest and watched the droplets trickle down my breasts. Then I laid my palms flat against them and ran my hands over my nipples. I groaned softly. I wanted Ronan to want me. I wanted the passion to ignite the way it had the night we created Luke.
I ran my hand over my belly. How attractive was I right now? My big belly. Stretch marks on the lower part. I had seen them. Not many but I had seen them. I sighed and moved around splashing water over the side of the tub onto the floor. I peeked over. Hell, all over the floor. I’ll clean it after my bath. Then I ran my hands back over my belly and was rewarded with several hard kicks by my son. I chuckled at him.
I loved this boy. Couldn’t wait to hold him in my arms but I didn’t think he was real to Ronan yet. I scrubbed myself clean and groaned at the feel of the loofah on my skin. I was a noise-maker in the bathtub. I loved me some bubbles. This was my meditation. My peacemaker when my mind was racing a million miles a minute. We couldn’t go on with the silence. Should I apologize for wanting to have sex with Ronan? I sighed again. I don’t think that I wanted to. There was nothing wrong with wanting him. Why couldn’t he want me too?
I let the water drain from the tub and climbed out carefully to avoid the water on the floor. I dried myself and then the floor where I splashed over the side. Then I slipped into my pajama shorts and a matching tank. The top wasn’t going to fit me much longer. Ryan gave it to me. It was one she wore early in her pregnancy. I tossed the towels into the laundry basket in my room. My hair was still in a messy bun on my head as I went in search of Ronan.
I could see his feet on the chaise lounge outside. I went through the doors and he turned his head and smiled. “Enjoy your bath?” He asked me. The deep richness of his voice sent a shiver of my spine. Just his words could do that to me.
“I always enjoy my bath.”
His eyes grew wider and his eyebrows rose in surprise. “Come here,” he said. I walked to the lounge and he pulled me down into his lap. “I don’t want things to become awkward between us,” he said.
I didn’t want that either. Luke should be most important. I needed to put my libido on a shelf as hard as it was sometimes. “I agree.”
He held me against his bare chest. My arm was snug against his warm skin. “You know it isn’t that I’m not tempted to take you to bed but with me only being clean six weeks I don’t think it is a good idea. I want to be sure that everything I do for you and Luke is exactly the right thing.”
Then he needed to stop rubbing his fingers across my bare shoulder. Luke was kicking. Ronan scooted my top up over my belly and I glanced at him with irritation. He laid his hand flat across my bare stomach. His fingers caressed me waiting to see if Luke would kick again. I knew he just wanted to feel his son kick not that he wanted to touch me. “He doesn’t seem real to you yet, does he?” I asked trying to relax in his arms.
He shook his head no. “I keep feeling him move inside you and I’m trying to convince myself he’s real.”
“He’s real Ronan. I have the stretch marks to prove it.”
He looked at me and he frowned. “I’m sorry. If it’s any consolation, I think you look beautiful.”
I just rolled my eyes at him. We were quiet after that. I continued to sit on his lap with his hand on my bare skin. My hair tickling his face. “How’s football practice going?” I had to talk. I just couldn’t take the silence any longer.
“There’s this kid, quiet like Fionn was.” I nodded waiting for him to finish. “I want to reach out to him.”
I leaned out a little so I could see his face. “So do it.”
“I’m just not sure how. You know, I don’t want to come across as weird.”
I asked him what he meant. He puzzled over it for a moment. Something about him. He wasn’t sure if he was troubled or just trying to keep people out like Fionn did.
“What position does he play?” I asked him.
“Wide receiver,” Ronan told me.
We talked about the kid and what was bothering Ronan. He couldn’t put it to words. Something about him. He had seen this behavior with Fionn who kept his walls up high protecting his secrets. His Dyslexia so no one would know that he struggled with reading. Protecting his rituals so no one would know how hard it was for him to go out on the field and play football in front of hundreds of people on a Friday night under the bright lights. Ronan was sure there was something the kid didn’t want anyone else to know.
“Be patient Ro. He’ll open up if he trusts you,” I told him.
Suddenly he looked at me as if I had struck him. “I think that is what hurts me most about this situation Skybug.”
“Will you stop calling me that,” I snapped at him. I had to turn because my arm was going to sleep. They all called me that from the time I was a baby. He helped me get situated so that my back was against his front. My head rested perfectly in the curve of his shoulder. He put both arms around me and held me and it felt like the most natural thing to me. Why couldn’t he see it?
“I’ve always called you that,” he said. I could hear the hurt in his voice. I turned my head just a little and kissed his cheek. Also a natural move.
“I’m sorry Ronan but I’m going to be a Mommy soon. I’m not a Skybug anymore. I’m grown up or haven’t you noticed?” He made a sound somewhat like a grunt. I turned and looked at him. “What?”
“You aren’t wearing much,” he grumbled. “I have noticed. I’m not dead, you know.”
