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Sky looked up at me with a big smile on her face. “We are,” Skylar answered before I could.
There were tears rolling down my mother’s cheeks now. “I’m sorry Ronan…Skylar. I wanted to be at the wedding. I felt I had to choose between my husband and my child but this has gotten way out of hand.”
Skylar rested her head on my shoulder and I turned my head slightly so I could kiss her forehead. Then I just looked out the window. “We were shocked. Ashamed. Blaming ourselves that this happened to you. Looking for answers. Feeling like we didn’t know who you were anymore Ronan.”
I turned my head back to her. “Mom, I’ve spent the last three months trying to figure that one out myself. Everyone around me but my parents have told me I’m a good man who messed up. I have to stop beating myself up and move forward. You and Dad are the only ones who can’t seem to do that.”
She gasped. I felt Sky’s hand cover my leg. Her warmth and her comfort slowed me down. I was gearing up to tell her all the things I felt. The hurt and the abandonment when I needed them the most. I owned up to my mistakes. They could stop beating me up now. I was good at doing that to myself. I inhaled and calmed myself. “I’m sorry,” I told Mom.
“Ronan, I’m the one who is sorry. You’ve been doing everything you are supposed to do to get better and we are trying to hold you back.” She reached for a napkin and wiped her eyes with it.
I lowered my head. I was speaking when Delilah returned with our drinks. She sat Mom’s coffee down first and poured her cup full. “Thanks Delilah,” she said to her.
Then she sat Skylar’s tea in front of her then my soda. “Anything else?”
“No, I think we’re good,” I replied looking around uncomfortably at Mom and Skylar. Everyone was tense now.
“I’ll bring your burger out as soon as it is done.” Delilah didn’t seem to notice the tension at the table.
“Thanks,” I replied.
I watched her walk away then I turned my attention back to the table in front of me. “Do you know how ashamed I was when I heard Skylar was pregnant with my son and I couldn’t remember the night he was conceived. My thoughts were exactly the same as my Dads’. Had I forced her? Hurt her? “It still makes me crazy that there was so many drugs in my system that I can’t remember that night.”
Skylar’s hand intertwined with mine. “I’ve told you what happened Ronan.” Her voice was soft and low. So understanding when I didn’t deserve it. She loved me. I was so lucky that she did. That is why it happened in the first place. I realized it now otherwise she would have stopped me when I came onto her.
I shook my head. “I’m happier than I have a right to be Skylar but it shouldn’t have happened that way.” I leaned back in the booth. “Hell maybe I’m such a selfish ass that I didn’t even realize I had feelings for Skylar all along. I loved and looked forward to having lunch with her while we were on campus at the same time. She was a bright spot for me in the last three years.”
She smiled. “I enjoyed them too,” Skylar agreed.
“I just want things to be back to normal Mom. I’m not used to being an outcast in my own family. We’ve always been close. I miss the Sunday dinners and I know Sky does too.”
“Then start coming to them again,” she told me.
“Hell no,” I snapped. “The last time Dad and I were together in one place he punched me in the jaw and humiliated me.” I was shaking my head no. I tried explaining how hard that was for me. I was getting better. I was attending meetings weekly. Sessions with the counselor on a separate monthly basis. I didn’t want any setbacks because Dad stressed me out.
Mom rested her head in her hand. “I don’t know how to fix this Ronan but I want to be a part of my grandson’s life. The girls have been talking about Skylar’s baby shower and I want to be there.”
“What baby shower?” Skylar asked.
Mom looked at me horrified that she revealed a secret. I rubbed my hand across my face. “That was supposed to be a surprise.”
“Oh hell honey, I’m sorry.” I thought Mom was going to cry again.
“Don’t cry Stevie. I’ll act surprised.”
Mom burst out laughing. “They should know I can’t keep a secret.”
“You think,” I responded. She glared at me across the table. “Does Dad know where you are?” I asked.
She licked her lips. “Of course he does.”
“He isn’t happy about it either,” I stated.
“No but I told him I wasn’t missing Skylar’s baby shower. I already missed the wedding. I wasn’t missing Luke’s birth either. He needs to get over himself.”
“Do you think he’ll come around?”
“God I hope so.” She sounded so tired.
