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The window was open in Garrett’s bedroom and a curtain of rain was coming down outside. He was behind me, his warm, solid body pressed against every inch of mine—holding me, rocking me—his palm on my stomach. He kissed my neck and whispered in my ear.
“This is a good thing, Callie. It’s the best thing that could’ve happened. It’s out of our hands. We don’t have to decide if we’re going to have it, or keep it, or give it up for adoption. We have our whole lives now.”
Tragedies are supposed to bring couples closer or tear them apart. That’s not how it was for us. We didn’t break up. We still went to prom, took graduation pictures, we still loved each other.
But for me, it was like . . . that tiny shard of glass stuck in the most tender part of your foot—you can’t see it, but you feel it there.
“When you said adoption, I didn’t know what you were talking about! It was like I didn’t even know you. Because I had it all planned out, Garrett. You would play football and I would go to night school and our parents would help us raise the baby. And we’d get married and buy a house on the lake.”
It was the first time—ever—that I felt like Garrett and I were going in different directions. Like I couldn’t count on him.
On us.
Our future wasn’t set in stone. It could change. It could all go away in an instant, and what would I be then? Who would I be? I didn’t even know who I was without him. If I wasn’t Garrett Daniels’ girl . . . I wasn’t anyone.
“Callie, look at me.” Garrett’s voice is raw and his eyes are red-rimmed. “I was an idiot. A young, stupid kid . . . who loved you more than anything in the whole world. And you were so sad. And there was nothing I could do . . . I just wanted to say something that would make it better for you. I didn’t know it was the wrong thing. That’s all it was, all it ever was.”
Hot, heavy tears streak down my face. For all we felt. For all the things we didn’t say.
“I couldn’t shake it, Garrett. I tried, but I couldn’t let it go. It was with me all the time.” I grasp his wrists, holding on to him. “And we were so lucky—both of us . . . we didn’t even know how lucky we were. We had everything—we were healthy and smart and beautiful, with amazing families and friends who loved us. We were blessed. And it was the first time that something bad had happened. Out of our control. And I couldn’t let it go . . . it turned everything upside down.
“And then, when my mom brought up going away to school, when I looked at the pictures and the sunshine and the buildings and so many different faces, it felt . . . better. Like I could do anything, be anyone. I didn’t have to remember how much it hurt, or be afraid of losing you because I could be someone new, someone stronger . . . a fresh start.”
My chest shudders and my voice breaks. “And I had to go. I had to go, Garrett.”
He strokes my cheek, his voice aching.
“I know. I know you did.”
“But it was never about not loving you. Not for a day . . . not for a minute.”
Garrett pulls me against him, hugging me, holding me, rubbing my back. And I feel relieved, lighter in his arms, to have gotten it all out. After all this time.
Then Garrett presses his lips against my hair and rips off his own scab.
“I bought you a ring.”
I feel my face pale. And I step back, looking up at him.
“What?”
“Remember when I sold my Joe Namath football?”
“You said you were going to buy a new computer for school.”
He nods. “I sold it to buy you a ring.” He looks into my eyes. “Because I wanted the baby too. And you. I wanted all of it, Callie.”
He takes a step away from me, his voice rough, weighted down with memories. “I carried it around in my pocket, waiting for the right time to ask. I didn’t want you to think it was because of the baby—I mean it was because of the baby, the timing of it—but it wasn’t just because of that.”
I nod, staring at him.
“And . . . after . . . I didn’t want you to think I was asking because we’d lost it.” He shakes his head. “There was never a good time. I hesitated. And then . . . you were gone. And it was too late. And I still had that ring in my pocket.”
I wipe my face and push a hand through my hair, and focus on something simple.
