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“Instead of letting all that depression consume me, I threw myself into school, and then medicine. I did nothing but academics and studying. Having to be the best at everything was my excuse for not socializing at all. That made for a lot of quiet, lonely nights. I’d become quite used to it, honestly. While I was in med school, my father was diagnosed with RCC, and I became obsessed with knowing everything there was to know about the kidney and its cancers. I was going to cure him myself if I had to. I knew he was all I had left. At that time, I wasn’t able to accept the possibility of being completely alone.”
Cayson released a sad sigh when Quick began to massage his neck. It was just what he needed to finish the story he’d kept to himself for so long. He wanted to be honest with Quick, but most of all he wanted to be honest with himself.
“What’s RCC?” Quick asked, his voice back to the sweet, melodic baritone Cayson loved.
“Renal cell carcinoma, kidney cancer. By the time I could convince the stubborn old fool to fight it… it was too late.”
“When did he die?”
“Six months ago,” Cayson said softly, taking a long drink of his whisky. “I think he wanted to die, though. He was tired of fighting, I suppose, and lonely. I was gone, but even when I was there, I was a recluse.” Cayson leaned in further when Quick placed a soft kiss on the side of his head, whispering how sorry he was for his loss. A part of this conversation seemed so silly and outdated, but another part felt cathartic. He’d not told this to anyone. Never had a chance to release those emotions. His father had been cremated and his ashes spread over the park where he’d married Cayson’s mother. He coughed a fake laugh because it was better than letting the tears form. “It was a rough time. So, just like when my mom passed, I threw myself into medicine. Taking crazy hours to keep my mind off of personal things… off of being alone.”
“You’re not alone now, Cays. Can you handle that?” Quick was looking at him like he’d just asked the most important question of his life. He made sure Cayson was looking up at him before he spoke again. “Are you ready to be happy?”
He sat quietly, fully absorbing Quick’s question while the soft sounds of the violin sang to his lonely soul. He wasn’t lonely by choice. He had simply gotten used to it. Dating or having a normal social life for a medical student were practically unheard of, anyway. There was simply no time. A fast one-off here and there was the most that could be afforded. If you wanted to be the best, that is. Cayson wasn’t the type to skate by, either. He graduated top of his class and went on to study with the best Nephrology department in the country at the University Hospital of Columbus and Cornell. Sowing wild oats didn’t make him the successful doctor he was today. But it did make him the most desolate.
It didn’t make much sense, that of all his life, it was at his age now that Cayson was craving a physical and emotional connection with someone. Hiding and sneaking around with Dr. Joe only made Cayson continue to feel like that young man who used to hide his problems and insecurities away in a medical journal. That guy was gone. There was Dr. Chauncey, the professional, who had everything he needed. Prestige, intelligence, and patients who adored him. All he’d worked so hard to achieve. But that left Cayson the man. A part of him which had been ignored and pushed to the back for far too long. Quick would be just for Cayson.
“Yes, Roman. I think I am ready.”
~~~~~~~~
Quick listened intently while Cayson got increasingly comfortable and opened up to him. Vaughan told him not to bombard the conversation with a bunch of talk about himself. Quick’s job was fun and full of excitement, but that didn’t mean he should only tell his stories. The more Quick listened to Cayson over their entrees of seafood pasta, the more fascinating his doctor became. The things he knew and could do with his hands was awe-inspiring. All Quick could do was fight really well. What could he possibly have to offer the brilliant man beside him?
Don’t sell yourself short, Dad. You can give Dr. Chauncey something no one else has, that no one cared enough to give him.
What’s that, Son? Please, do tell, because I’m at a loss here.
Romance, Pops. The doctor needs romance and you can give him more of that than he can handle.
But how?
Just do exactly what I say.
God help me.
Quick let his son’s words fade to the background. Their dinner was over and Quick had something planned for Cayson that he hoped didn’t embarrass the shit out of both of them. He’d told Vaughan it was a little over the top for a private guy like him, but Cayson had dealt with privacy for long enough. He needed a bold lover. Quick could understand that, so he’d listened to what his son had to say. That was why he made sure to keep close contact with Cayson, so he didn’t think Quick was embarrassed by him. He used nauseatingly sweet endearments, even when others were around; showing this great guy that there was nothing he wouldn’t do to make him feel cherished and special.
