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“Hey, hey…shh…calm down, you’re starting to panic. I didn’t mean to startle you. I’m not going to hurt you; I give you my word.” He mumbles to himself, “I can’t believe Nick didn’t tell me this shit.”
“Seriously?” I respond with slight incredulousness. “He may know a lot about me, but he can’t know everything that goes on behind closed doors.” I swirl my hand in the air, indicating all the cameras. “Not unless he has hidden cameras in every nook and cranny of the world.”
He shakes his head. “I guess he just assumed, like I did.”
“What does this mean now? What are you going to do?” I bite my lower lip and worry it back and forth between my teeth, searching his eyes for an answer. He lets go of me and takes a step back. He closes his eyes and exhales loudly, pinching the bridge of his nose. He’s thinking deeply, and I am at the mercy of all his decisions. I stand before him, waiting with baited breath and fear of the unknown. I should know better. It will happen, and I have a feeling today is the day I will lose my virginity.
I can’t even begin to know how to handle a man like Travis. I don’t know what to expect, and the thought sends a shiver of fear down my spine. While Travis cradles my face, I close my eyes as thoughts begin to race through my head. I’m sure I look every bit the inexperienced teenager to him right now. Travis is one hundred and ten percent all man, and he’s had years of experience with having sex; I’m sure of it. I shake my head at the thought; I wouldn’t even know what to do with him, because he’s definitely too much man for me to handle. I don’t know what to be expecting from him, and the thought sends a shiver of fear down my spine.
I feel as if I’m choking on my own breath, and my legs feel suddenly weak. I feel the back of my eyes sting, as more tears seep out through my closed eyes. Travis lightly shakes my head, pulling me from my internal battles. “Hey, look at me, sweetheart,” his voice full of concern. I open my bleary eyes and meet his tormented gaze. “It’s going to be all right.”
“What does that mean, exactly? How am I going to be all right?” I croakily ask through my silent tears, my heartbeat thumping hard in my chest. His thumbs swipe along my cheekbones, drying my saturated skin. He looks conflicted, and I know what he’s thinking. He’s going to take my virginity…to get me ready for Nick’s self-proclaimed ‘big dick’. My eyes roll back in my head as I physically shudder and wince at the thought.
“Look at me,” his voice snaps with a strong and commanding tone. “You’re not going to check out on me, you understand?” His eyebrows raise in question.
I manage a hiccuped whisper. “Yes, I understand.” But it’s a lie; I only say it to placate him.
He shakes his head and narrows his eyes. “No, I don’t think you understand. Don’t try and humor me.”
Do I have a sign above my head that has my true thoughts digitally scrolling across for all the world to see? I ask myself.
He gives me a half-grin. “Yes, you wear your emotions on your sleeve. You can’t get away with much under my keen perception.”
Well, shit. He pulls me in for a brief hug. He’s turned sweet again, and his display of kindness tamps down my growing nerves. The desire to touch this beautiful man before me is overwhelming. I return his embrace and slip my hands around his waist, caressing the strong muscles of his back. My God, he feels amazing, and I could just breathe him in and never exhale.
I like nice Travis. I don’t know if this is really him, or if this is part of his little manipulative game, but I suppose I won’t ever really know. He has his own private game plan I’m not privy to. He’s always so sure of himself and stays five steps ahead of me, so I never know what to expect with him. He’s either sweet and comforting, or rough and commanding, but the most frustrating part about Travis is that he stays so unreadable.
I curse these drugs as I realize I’ve just created a problem for myself. Being in such close proximity to Travis’ body, I feel my own body begin to betray me. I can no longer deny the effect he is having over my body. He pulls back marginally and strokes his finger across my cheekbone. I squeeze my eyes shut.
“Julianna, you’ve nothing to fear. You want this; I know you do. I can tell by the way your body is responding to mine. Look at me.” His eyes search mine as he whispers, “You’ve always been intensely-responsive to me, Julianna; it just comes natural to you.”
