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Nick confuses the hell out of me, and I want to cry all over again for all I’m going through. Even though I’ve quit crying, I feel unstable at the moment as my mind messes with me. I think about how Nick reminds me of a song: ‘You’re in, then you’re out; you’re up, then you’re down…’ Oh, crap, who sings that song? A set of fingers snap inside my head as I remember now—“Hot n Cold” by Katy Perry. Those lyrics seem to have been written just for him.
“When I feel you’ve come down without a crash landing, I will leave you to your sleep. I’m not going to leave you feeling abandoned and lonely. I may be a hard bastard to contend with at times, but as I told you before, I take care of what’s mine. I will tell you a thousand times a day if that’s how much you need to hear it; you mean the world to me, Julianna.”
I find my trembling fingers mindlessly caressing the sprinkling of hair that is scattered across his broad chest. My pale hand is in stark contrast against his unmarred olive complexion.
“I’ve waited forever for this night, Julianna.” He lets out a heavy sigh and pulls me in tighter, his hand gently covering mine, giving it a squeeze. “You couldn’t even begin to know what your words did to me.” Nick sounds pained, like I truly wounded him, and I feel bad about it. Call it Stockholm, I don’t care, but Nick wants to treat me well. He only reacts to what he sees, so if I’m nice, he’s nice back, and so forth.
“I’m sorry, Nick,” I softly whisper. “I didn’t mean it.”
“Don’t ever talk to me like that again,” Nick warns. “You’ve got to get a grip on your mouth, love. As much as I don’t want to continue this punishment, I have to.” I tense; I can’t handle another punishment. “Because of your indiscretions, I’m not going to give you any pain medicine as the final stage of your punishment. So when you wake up, whether it’s in the middle of the night or in the morning, and you’re in throbbing pain, I want every lash across your backside to sting as a constant reminder to you that I am your Master. You will respect me and you will obey me. I am the one who holds the power, not you.”
I nod in acknowledgement as a tear slips over my cheek and onto his chest. He continues stroking my hair and whispers softly, “Trust me—it hurts me worse to know you’re in discomfort, but I can’t have you so blatantly stepping out of line again. I love you, Julianna. Never forget that.”
“Yes, Nick, I’m yours,” I whisper back. I’ve now learned the hard way to tell him what he wants to hear, my pride be damned. So this is the school of hard knocks, huh? I don’t like it, not one bit, but I’m too exhausted right now to fight anymore, nor do I want a repeat. There seems to be no way out of this situation, and I’m too weary to even use my brain cells to think about what just happened in this room tonight.
As the fading fires of my adrenaline-fueled terror from the evening dissipate, I can feel my nerve endings slowly coming back to life. They’re beginning to wake, and it’s not going to be pretty. I clench my hands into fists as the endorphins that were pumping through my bloodstream at full-force now leave me on empty. My body tenses up as I feel the welts on my back throb and swell with each passing second. Each throb begins to grow in intensity, and keeps perfect time with my heartbeat.
“Shhh, now. You’re coming down. Everything is going to be fine.” I want to tell him that’s easy for him to say, but when I move to lift my head, Nick’s hand keeps me pressed against the wall of his chest. I guess I really need to just shut up. Tenderly, he massages my head with his deft fingers as he continues to speak. “You’re safe with me. I will never leave you in this vulnerable state you’re in, no matter how pissed I am at you. This...this right here is about you trusting me to take care of your needs …trusting me with both your body and your mind.”
I have no control over this hellish nightmare I’m living in, and he made sure he broke me, and broke me good. It was a crash course in Submission 101. He was relentless as he made my body submit to his, and then he twisted my mind to his will, using Blyss. Yes, I hate him with a passion, but I can’t fight against him anymore; I don’t have it in me. I’m his, and I’m left perplexed as to how he was able to get both my mind and body working in sync, disassembling every wall I ever erected.
