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Then there was the party I took her to. Everything went so smoothly up until Jared’s phone call, interrupting the fantasy she had me believing. Then everything started taking a nose dive, plummeting in a downward spiral, quickly turning to shit. I was totally blindsided by the turn of the events that night, and I truly didn’t plan on having to teach her a lesson in submission for our first time between the sheets. I wanted to make slow and passionate love to her, and I wanted her to enjoy it every bit as much. By her not having to worry about all the virginal pangs that come with first times, I thought it would be more memorable for her. I laugh aloud in the empty room, like a crazy man. Yes, it was definitely a memorable first time for her.
I would’ve even taken a little mercy on her, had she not tried to lie to me regarding her true feelings toward me. I would’ve even understood her disdain for me, but she had to open up her mouth and pull out the Travis card at the end of her little punishment. Whether she meant it or not, the mere fact she used Travis’ name and not her previous fiancés’ propelled me directly into a blind rage.
After the ‘battle of the wills’ ensued and I dealt out her due punishment, she finally submitted to me; I could feel it. She was mine in body and soul. I loved the way she clung to me afterward as if I was her next breath, and the way she lay her head on my chest while softly caressing me with her fingertips. Her soft voice of genuine remorse over her negative behavior, and her willingness and desire to give our relationship a whole-hearted effort, were all the signs of her breaking down and giving me her heart.
As my memory plays on rewind, I can still smell the light fragrance of her long beautiful hair as she laid across my chest that night. My breathing eases a fraction as I think of her being in my arms, wrapped around me, wanting me, and needing me to take care of her. I can still taste the blinding passionate kisses we shared. God, I miss her.
Something told me to stay with her that night, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t have been able to bear hearing her every little whimper or moan that would proceed from her lips throughout the night in pain. I was too distraught and I felt like a real bastard for losing my cool. I’ve always been in control of my dominance over women. Yeah, sure, I can get pissed off at the toss of a hat, but I had never lost it like that before. I was even more of an asshole by not giving her any pain medication, but I really needed the reality of her situation to hit home. I needed her to realize I was her home and our relationship was a permanent one.
I truly scared the living shit out of myself that evening for not being more aware of my blind rage, and for not being able to contain my emotions. I had been seriously hard on her petite body and I knew I over did it, but not until after the fact. When I laid her out on the bed before me, only then did it register what I had done, and to the severity of how badly I had whipped her. I despised myself for it too, so much so I made a promise to myself that very night as I laid in bed holding her battered body.
I vowed to never take action against her in anger ever again, and I would hang up the whips and hard core paraphernalia shit for at least a year. I would even go so far as to say I would never touch them again if that’s what she desired. If I could have her back right now, I would do everything so differently. My gut twists with guilt and remorse for what I’ve done, and I close my eyes wishing her back so I can start making it all up to her. Once I get her back, I will most definitely treat her like the princess she is. I will be the warmth she needs to feel, and I won’t hold back my affections.
A long and low-pitched whistle sounds out behind me, startling me from my deep reflection. I turn around and see Jared rocking back on his heels, the expression on his face is one of pure marvel, mingled with fascination from the spectacle I’ve made of my office. He raises both brows in astonishment while he slowly shakes his head in a continual back and forth motion of disbelief that I could even make such a mess.
