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“I don’t know what to say.” I didn’t see any of this coming. I had no idea he had planned out all these things in finite detail from the beginning.
“Did you ever stop to think your life was destined to be on this collision course? It was going to crash regardless of us meeting or not. Don’t you find it interesting that we had an immediate connection despite the circumstances of how we met? We’re meant to be together, Jules,” he softly pleads. “Call it fate; call it divine guidance; call it luck for all I care, but the bottom line is our souls were born to be connected.”
He lays back down over me, his elbows propped on either side of me, and I wrap my arms around him. The warmth of his bare skin beneath my fingertips is one I’ve missed severely. I run my hands up and down the length of his back, enjoying the feel of each ripped muscle. I feel at home in my soul when I’m with him. He’s right; he is very much a part of me.
“I love you, Travis.” He wipes away a silent tear with the pad of his thumb as he stares lovingly into my eyes. “I don’t know what’s left in my heart to give, but whatever is there, it’s yours.”
“I’ll scrape the bottom of the barrel to get it if I have to.”
I briefly close my lids, savoring his soft touch on my skin. “I didn’t have sex with Nick,” I blurt out, and he immediately pulls back, his eyes wide with surprise. “We were about to…before you busted in, that is.”
He blinks his eyes several times in disbelief. “But he had you for several days.”
“He was playing a reverse psychology game. He was waiting for me to make the first move.” He closes his eyes tightly, and then releases a deep sigh of relief. I run my fingers through his thick hair and pull his lips to mine.
“I gave into his game,” I whisper over his lips.
“I can’t blame you for that, sweetheart. You had drugs running through your system, and to top it off, I know you felt you were hung out to dry.”
I turn my head away from him, staring off at nothing, wearing a frown. “I’m not in a good place, Travis. I don’t think I will ever be the same.” My lips tremble and my breath hitches as I try to hold back the tears. “The emotional ups and downs have screwed with me beyond repair. I’m a mental wreck.”
“That’s not true. You’re stronger than you think you are, Jules.” I shake my head, disagreeing with him. He steers my chin back, forcing me to face him. “We’ve been through too much shit together not to be able to move past this. We’ll take the cards we’ve been dealt and we’ll move on…together.”
“Don’t you see?” My voice raises, and my hands begin to shake. ”I was going to kill them, Travis.” My eyes silently spill over with a heavy heart. “I was planning a sick revenge, and I was actually going to savor it. Hell, I was so deep inside of myself I was believing my own lies. I even told Nick I loved him.” My breath hitches as I realize just how messed up I am. “It makes me no better than my own father.”
“Shh…” He wraps his arms around me, resting his cheek against mine, whispering in my ear, “I would’ve done the same thing. Nothing’s wrong with you for wanting revenge, and you are nothing like your father.”
“He robbed me of my own mother. I mean…who does that, Travis? Who can kill their own wife and parents without blinking an eye, and then…” My throat tightens. I’m too choked up to finish my sentence.
“I don’t have those answers, Jules. I don’t know what makes people do the things they do,” he softly whispers, trying to console me.
“I don’t know myself anymore. How can I give you something, when I don’t even know if I’m capable of giving it?”
“You’re in there, baby. Trust me; you’re in there.” He kisses my cheeks, wiping away my tears. “I’ve got you. I’ll always have you. There was never a time when I didn’t have you.” I wrap my arms around him like a lifeline, pulling him into me as hard as I can while I sob into the crook of his neck. “I love you so damn much,” he whispers over and over again like a prayer.
I don’t know how much time has passed as he holds me while I fall apart into tiny little pieces. “I’m so tired of hurting,” I softly sob.
“I know, baby. I know.”
When I’ve expelled the last set of tears, he pulls back and gently wipes my face with his t-shirt. He regards me with tender eyes, and a gentle voice, “I bet you didn’t know you can have happiness amidst the sorrow. You know why? Because you still have hope.”
