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They hadn’t been alone together since that night—whether by accident or design, Ed wasn’t sure. He thought maybe Alec was avoiding him, and reluctantly accepted it was probably for the best.
The atmosphere between them had been easier, at least. The sex had softened something, smoothed away the spiky edges of their antagonism. Alec had been more courteous, more prone to smiling during their interactions. He was also more likeable than before, which only made it harder for Ed to accept that nothing could ever happen between them. Even though he knew it was stupid and it could never work out, Ed couldn’t help entertaining occasional wild fantasies where Alec wanted him for more than a one-night stand or risky office sex.
Something in Alec called out to Ed. He was so aloof, so utterly in control of every situation in the workplace. But Ed had seen beneath that surface. He’d glimpsed the complexity of the man beneath the facade, and the loneliness and vulnerability he’d seen there made him want to smash a hole in those walls so that he could climb inside and pull Alec out. It hurt to think he’d never get the chance.
When he arrived at the office on Wednesday morning, Katherine was there, talking with Alec. Ed went to his desk and powered up his laptop, but the sound of his name drew his attention to their conversation.
“Take Ed with you,” she was saying. “It’ll be good experience for him to sit in on the meeting.”
“I’m not sure there’s any need,” Alec replied. “We’ve already concluded most of the negotiations via conference call as you know. The meeting in Edinburgh is really a formality because Mackenzie wants to meet Maxwell in person. I think Ed’s time would be better spent here, helping James with the last bits of paperwork.”
Ed swivelled around on his office chair to look at them, wondering whether he was going to get any say in this discussion. Apparently not.
“Take him.” Katherine’s tone implied it wasn’t worth arguing about. “I’ll have Jen book rooms for both of you. The meeting’s scheduled for Friday morning, so you fly up tomorrow evening. It could take all day to iron out the details, so I’ll have her book two nights, and you’ll travel back on Saturday. Have you ever been to Edinburgh, Ed?” Katherine finally included him in the conversation.
“No.”
“Well, it’s a beautiful city. Make sure you take some time to enjoy it while you’re there.” She managed to make that sound like an order too. “Alec can show you the sights, I’m sure.”
Ed nodded. “All right. That sounds fun.”
Ed chanced a glance at Alec, who had his poker face firmly in place. Ed hoped his own expression wasn’t giving away his inner thoughts right now, because fuck. Two nights in a hotel with Alec away from the workplace sounded like a dangerous, yet utterly thrilling prospect. For all their talk about keeping things professional, Ed was definitely going to pack some lube and condoms, just in case.
After work on Thursday, they got a taxi all the way from the office to Heathrow. Ed was horrified by the expense. He watched the price on the meter tick up and up and up, and he shook his head.
“We could have just got on a train and given this money to charity or something.”
“I already give plenty of money to charity,” Alec said. “And this way is much more comfortable, even if it takes ages—especially in the rush hour.”
He had a point. Although secretly Ed wouldn’t have minded being squashed up next to Alec in a crowded train carriage.
“You give money to charity?”
“Of course. I earn far more than I need. I invest some of it, and I also support causes I believe in.”
“Which charity do you support?” Ed knew it was a nosy question, but he was intrigued.
“A charity that supports homeless LGBT youth.” Alec avoided Ed’s gaze, picking at the edge of one of his fingernails. “They do a lot of good work for young people who’ve been kicked out by their families or who’ve run away because they’re afraid of what their families would do to them if they found out.”
Something about Alec’s tone set off alarm bells for Ed. “Did your parents find out about you?”
Alec’s jaw tightened. He picked at his nail again and then cursed as he drew blood by pulling on a piece of loose skin.
“Alec?” Ed pressed.
“I was caught in a compromising position at school.” Alec’s voice was quiet and he spoke quickly, as though it was easier to say the words if he got them out fast. “I was expelled. My father wasn’t too chuffed about that, as you can imagine. He used his belt on me the day I came home… called me a disgusting little queer.”
Ed’s mind flashed back to their first and only night together, and he had a sudden vivid memory of the faint scars he’d seen on Alec’s back the next morning. He felt sick. He wanted to reach for Alec’s hand and hold it, to stop Alec from hurting himself where he was worrying at the cut on his finger, but he was afraid Alec would push him away. “I’m sorry,” he said instead. “I’m so sorry.”
