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Ed kept hold of Alec’s hand throughout take-off, and he didn’t let go until the seat belt lights went off. The tension between them had eased once more, but Ed was all too aware of how short the flight was. Soon they would touch down in London and this time out from their normal life would be over. Alec was slipping away from him, and Ed had to let him go.
As the plane began its descent, Ed resisted the urge to take Alec’s hand again. If Alec wanted it, it would be up to him. Ed could feel the tension rolling off Alec in waves, but Alec only clenched his fist in his lap and kept his gaze fixed on the back of the seat in front.
When the plane touched down and slammed the brakes on, Ed nudged him. “We survived.”
Alec’s smile was pinched and unhappy. “It appears so.”
Once they were in a taxi on their way back to Central London, Alec checked his phone for messages.
“Shit,” he muttered as he read something on the screen.
“Everything okay?”
“Belinda’s away next weekend, so she can’t come to my father’s birthday lunch.”
“I thought you’d already told your mother she might not be free?”
“I know, but I was hoping she’d be able to make it. It’s easier spending time with them when she’s around. They love her, and she’s a great distraction. It takes the focus off me. Oh well. At least my brother will be there. Apparently he’s bringing a girlfriend, so that will keep them happy. He doesn’t usually stick with a girl long enough to introduce her to the family.”
Alec lapsed back into a preoccupied silence, and Ed didn’t have the will to keep the conversation going. No matter how much he wanted to be involved in Alec’s life, it wasn’t going to happen. He shifted in his seat, and the twinge of his overused muscles reminded him painfully of last night. He pushed the memory away and got out his laptop. He had lots to do before Monday. He might as well start now.
CHAPTER NINE
When Alec got home, his flat felt too big and empty after spending twenty-four hours in Ed’s company. So Alec did what he always did and buried himself in work so he didn’t have time to feel lonely. He didn’t even stop to unpack. He got out his laptop and lost himself in preparations for the final exchange: emailed bullet points of the meeting to the rest of the team and then started making the final changes to the draft purchase agreement ready for the meeting with both parties next week.
Alec only realised he’d skipped lunch when his stomach growled, and when he went to look for something to eat, he found his fridge and cupboards were pathetically bare. He poured himself a bowl of muesli and some milk that was a couple of days past its use-by date but still smelled okay. Sitting on his pristine sofa in his immaculate living room, he was suddenly struck by how empty it was. It’s like a show home, he thought. Perfect in outward appearance but devoid of any warmth or comfort. A depressingly accurate metaphor for his own life.
His thoughts strayed inevitably to Ed, and an aching void opened up in his chest as he remembered their conversation from the morning. Ed had let Alec down so gently. There had been regret written all over his face, so Alec was in no doubt that Ed had feelings for him too. Somehow, instead of being a balm to his pride, the knowledge only made the rejection sting all the more, because Alec knew he had only himself to blame for the fucking mess that was his life. For the first time ever, Alec had met someone who made him want more, someone who made him hope that one day he could have a relationship lasting longer than a few hours. But in order to get to a place where that was possible, Alec had to find the courage to untangle the web of lies his personal life was built on, and in the process he feared he might damage his professional reputation.
Alec’s chest tightened and his heart beat fast as fight or flight hormones surged through his bloodstream. The walls were closing in on him, but he couldn’t see a way out. Stomach churning, he stared at his bowl of soggy cereal before slamming it down on the glass coffee table with a crash. Crawling out of his skin, there was no way he’d be able to get any more work done today unless he found a way to burn some of this tension off.
He changed into workout clothes and ran to his gym a few streets away. There he put himself through brutal circuits of cardio and weightlifting until every muscle in his body hurt and his legs were like jelly.
