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She peered back in and said, “You’re not even a proper Jew.” And she went back to wrapping.
“She’s got a point.” Quincy said as she handed him a beer. “Once you’re done with the wrapping can you start putting the presents in the spare room?” She practically shooed him out of the kitchen. “Thanks.”
I took a sip of the beer she offered me and followed her into the larder with the rest of the shopping that needed to be put away. She put the stuff in her hands on their respective shelf and took the bread and flour from me. The way she stood on her tippy toes and stretched to put the flour on the top shelf had the hem of her dress barely covering her arse. Her black tight covered cheeks peeking at me. Sometimes it felt like I had a one-track mind when she was around. Well, I did, but I was hardly to blame.
I stepped closer to her and as I took the flour from her hand to put it on the upper shelf I brought my body completely flush with hers.
“What’re you doing?” She gasped at the contact. Her arms dropping and her hands grabbing the edge of the shelf by her waist. Her head falling back onto my shoulder as I wrapped my other arm around her.
“I’m helping.” I breathed into her ear as I cupped her cheek and turned her face towards me. Her nails digging into my forearm around her waist. I brought my lips close to hers so that they were almost touching. Her breath cushioning them as her eyes practically begged them to kiss hers. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Her gaze raked up to mine, her teeth sinking down on her bottom lip. She knew exactly what she was doing as her arse wiggled impossibly closer, waking my dick. She smiled softly as she whispered, “Nothing.”
“You didn’t mention anything about selling the house before today.” My hand cupped all the way down her neck as my thumb caressed its way down to the hollow of her throat.
“There’s nothing to tell.” She gasped as my thumb traced her skin all the way down to the V-neck of her jumper dress. Her heaving breaths making her full cleavage peek up from the line of navy cashmere. “I’m just looking into it.” She could barely get the breathy words out. “That’s all.”
I spun her to face me, her back pressing onto the shelves and my front pressing to hers as I cupped her face with both of my hands. “Why?” I was curious. Let’s be honest, not only had she never hinted at selling the house but she’d also fought Richard tooth and nail for it in their divorce. It’d been her late grandmother’s and when she’d married her dad had gifted it as his and Gwen’s wedding present to her. So it seemed strange that she all of a sudden wanted to get rid of it. Not only that, but her mother would lose her mind if she found out.
She clasped her hands around my wrists as her gaze searched
mine. This had become a habit whenever we needed to make sure that we were both all in a conversation. I don’t know why, but the moment we got down to the serious nitty gritty it just happened. It was an intimate connection. I held her and she held me with both our hands and our eyes.
She sighed a soft smile, “It’s time.” She nodded as if emphasising her words. “I want a home that I can walk into and not feel pain.” Her face pinched into a grimace like she could feel it right then. “I want to be able to walk into every room and not be reminded of all the bad stuff. I have enough reminders on me,” one of her hands dropped to her belly, “I don’t need to be surrounded by them too.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Her smile got wider as she stroked my cheek. “Because this is something I have to do myself. By myself. For myself.” Her eyes traced down my face to my chest as her hand followed and splayed over my erratic heart. “I know you want to be there for me, I want that too, but this one thing…” she took a deep breath as her bright blue eyes shone with unshed tears. “This is something I need to do without you holding my hand. It’s my last goodbye to the past. It’s why I want to have Christmas here with you and the girls. I didn’t want to spend the day walking up and down that house imagining what my dead son would be doing when I have a perfectly healthy and beautiful girl that can live and breathe the moment with me.” She closed her eyes as a tear fell.
I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t even sure of whether to pull her closer to me or to just give her the current space between us.
“I know it’s hard for you, I can see the way you’re fighting your instinct to soothe me right now.” Her hand dropped to the top of my jeans, her thumb hooking through the belt loop. “This one time I don’t need you to make it better. I need to move on. I feel like I’ve spent more time grieving and hankering after a child that’s gone than enjoying the baby I do have. I don’t want Pippa to grow up competing with a ghost.” She blew out the breath in her lungs like she was freeing herself of all the pain.
“I can’t just standby whilst you’re hurting, Quincy.” It was impossible. Every fibre of my being wanted nothing more than to make her happy. To take care of her.
“I’m not asking that of you, I’m asking you to trust me to come to you when I need to. You want a future, but I can’t give you that when I’m still holding on to the past, Jamie. I can’t make plans with you and our girls thinking about Theo. He didn’t take a single breath, yet my every breath is consumed by him.” She inhaled deeply and as if to prove her point another tear rolled down her cheek. “The moment I open my eyes in the mornings I think of him, I walk past what should’ve been his room and I imagine a golden haired, brown eyed boy running out of it in the same uniform as his sister. I didn’t even realise I did that until I woke up here and I felt amazing. But the moment I opened the door to that house it was like all that crap drenched me.”
Her hand squeezed the top of my hip as her other slid down from my wrist to the crook of my elbow. Her eyes never moving from mine as she took in gulps of air. I had no idea whether her feelings were too much or whether she just wanted to stop the tears collecting in her eyes from falling again, all I knew was that I needed to hold her. And like she could read my mind she stepped closer to me until my arms had no other option but to wrap themselves around her. “That doesn’t mean it’s the house.”
“I know that. I know it’s not the house itself, it’s my memories in the house. The bad ones just seem to always dull the great ones.”
“You don’t have to sell it, it’s like a family heirloom. You can let it out, that way you’re not living in it but it’s also not leaving your family.” I’d hate to see her regret her decision one day. I understood where she was coming from, but I just didn’t believe that selling was the way to go.
“I’m just looking at my options. Maybe I’ll end up not wanting to move, but I just have this gut feeling.” She burrowed deeper into my chest. “I’ve been thinking so much about what you said, and I want nothing more than that. But I need to get all my ducks in a row and not just the physical stuff. I spend so much time thinking about the outsiders looking in that I forget about this.” She slid her hands under my t-shirt and around to my back. “This and the girls are what’s important.”
I couldn’t help but smile into her chocolate scented hair. Her words were music to my ears. The best kind.
“So, I’m going to do this house thing by myself and if it ever gets too much, I’ll make sure you’re the first person I run to. I just need you to understand that I’m not shutting you out or pushing you away.” She took a deep breath and looked up at me, “I’m not running from you or us. I’m getting my shit together for me, us and the girls.” Her smile was bright and sincere. “I love you, babe.”
“Seriously?” Of all the things she could endear me with, she’d gone with babe. Babe. Really? I did not have her pegged as a babe sort of woman.
She rolled up on her tiptoes and touched her nose to mine. “It suits you,” she shrugged as her lips traced mine.
“You’re so lucky I love you. So fucking lucky, baby cakes.” It was the opposite actually. I was lucky. I was more than lucky when it came to her. She might not be the easiest person to take care of, but she was so easy to love and more than that she loved so easily. It was second nature to her.
“Oh wow…” she slipped her hand down the front of my jeans, cupping my eager dick. “You owe me for that one. Big. Time.” She squeezed and pranced out of the larder only looking back to check me out from top to toe before sauntering off.
Quincy
