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“Innocent? The motherfucker took a twenty-grand bribe. How is he innocent?”
“You’re insanely unreasonable sometimes. Not everything is black and white. We all know about the murky grey area—look at us.”
“Yeah, look at us. We’re real good people,” Freddie smarts, his fingers racing over his keyboard.
Sometimes I ask myself whether he really is that much of an arsehole, or whether he acts like it so that we don’t see how much all this has impacted him.
Turning his laptop to face me, he looks up at Leo with an antagonising grin and sings, “If you’re fucked up and you know it, clap your hands…”
“You’re a moron,” Leo hisses, at the same time as Casper growls, “Fuck my life. You’re such a clown.”
“Because I don’t lie to myself?” Freddie chuckles. “Yeah, sure. I’m not the only one that’s done shit. He fucking put a bullet in some cunt’s brain; you…you…you’re just fucking nasty. What you did to that bloke…and you!” Scooting his chair closer to my end of the table, he levels his stare back at Leo. “You fucking went to town on your cousin, and now you’re the one that wants to finish the job yourself. I’d be happy to let another inmate do it. But not you. No, you want the honours. So, who’s the most fucked out of all of us?”
“He deserves it,” Leo snarls with contempt punctuating his every word. “If I could, I’d deliver him to hell myself, and I’d throw him into the fire for eternity. Since I can’t do that, it’s only fair I send him on his way.”
Eyes flitting to mine, he widens them in question.
“A wound for a wound.”
“A life for a life,” I add.
“It’s the Christian thing to do.” Leo stands, heading into the kitchen. He brings back a pitcher of water with fruit floating around in and glasses.
“Fucking hell, you can tell she’s made herself right at home,” Casper laughs, pouring himself a drink.
“Yeah, she has.” Leo’s demeanour changes completely. It lightens and a lopsided grin cuts his face.
I can’t help but be fucking jealous of him and Cassie. Of all this. They have each other; everything that happened made them stronger. It pushed them together when it tore my family apart. Me, my wife…our child.
Silence fills the room, and like he knows where my thoughts are going, Freddie says, “I swear the Christian thing is to turn the other cheek. Give them your front when they’ve already stabbed you in the back?”
“No.” Shaking his head, Casper tops up his glass. “That’s the stupid thing to do. New Testament. I’m all for the old. Sodom and Gomorrah that shit.”
“Burn it all to fuck.” Leo takes his seat once more. “Look, we paid the guy to get the cunt banged up enough to end up in hospital so we can finish him off.”
Casper looks at me, and with a shrug, he says, “It’s a solid plan.”
“And I’m the fucked up one. Sheesh…” Freddie pauses, looking at the water jug with a scowl. “Anyway, look at this. I’ve been keeping an eye on a few things. Mainly trying to make sure Arabella isn’t in trouble…”
Pain slices through my chest and courses through my veins until it’s cutting all the way up and down my body, searing through my limbs.
Why did he have to say her name?
Freddie never refers to her by her name. It’s always one of the nicknames he purposefully comes up with to annoy her.
Fixing on the screen, my eyes blur with the grainy image of my girl. She’s not limping anymore, but she’s still walking with a slight wobble.
My anger roars inside me, and I can’t fucking breathe. I’m trying so hard to remain stoic, but fuck. Fuck! This is the first time I’ve laid eyes on her in almost four months.
Four fucking months.
Maybe Leo’s right. Maybe all this fucking pain isn’t just anger and regret. It’s not all blame. Maybe some of it is hate. And God, that makes me even more enraged with myself because I have no fucking right to hate her. Not after everything that’s happened.
“What’s she doing there?” I snap as I take stock of where she is. “It’s a fucking whore house.”
“Private club,” Freddie corrects.
“Same fucking thing!” I can’t watch as she walks up the Chelsea townhouse steps and straightens her spine, like she’s gathering courage or whatever the fuck she needs to ring the doorbell.
