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I had to pick Arabella. She was salvageable.
The other scar isn’t much different. A vertical line, fading pink on her light golden skin.
I’ve seen worse. I’ve sat in front of incarcerated men with half of their faces slashed to pieces. I’ve sat with women bruised to their bones.
Yet, two neat lines, they manage to choke me up and threaten to undo me completely.
That’s what brings me back. Because if I can hold it together for strangers, I can certainly hold it together for Arabella.
If I can fight for people that aren’t by any means intrinsic to me…I can rain hell for her.
I meet her gaze dead on, locking our stubborn wills with a glare.
“Can’t we just have one night where it’s just us?” She’s backtracking. Floundering for something to detract from my question.
“I’ll give you every motherfucking night after all this is done. But I need to end this. If I don’t end this, then I can’t look in the mirror without hating myself for not protecting you or Carina. I can’t live with myself knowing that I didn’t make the guilty fuckers pay for your blood and her life with theirs. Eventually you will wish I had followed through with every thought that crossed my mind in that bathroom. Do you und—”
The sting of her palm across my cheek leaves a throbbing pulse on my skin.
She stands there with ragged breaths and clenched fists, staring at me with fury blazing in her eyes.
“Your life is mine. That’s what you said in there. Well, your life is mine too.” Venom coats her pretty words. “And if you take what is mine, you are no better than the men who killed our daughter…and I will damn you so far into the depths of hell you’ll live eternity in more pain than you could ever imagine. What you feel now will be nothing.”
Grabbing the shower gel from the side, she squirts some onto her hand and goes about washing herself. When she reaches for the sham
poo, I take it from her and lather her hair.
It’s so thick and strong. Every part of her has so much strength, and I can’t help but feel like I’ve let her down.
We’re both hurting, and yet, she’s the one that’s never faltered in her strength.
“I’m sorry.”
Her eyes meet mine, tear-rimmed and sad. She stands looking at me with more affection and love than I deserve.
“I don’t want you to be sorry,” she murmurs, coming closer. “I want you to stick to your promise. I can’t do light years alone. I can’t do any of this without you.”
Nodding, I drag her under the cooling spray to rinse the suds from her hair.
Fucking old houses.
Once the shampoo is out, I quickly let her finish her hair as I get out and fetch towels from the radiator by the window.
Wrapping one around me, I take the other, and once she’s done, I wrap her in it, ushering her back to the bedroom. We both dry off and get into bed.
Pulling her flush to me, I press a kiss to her lips. It doesn’t take much for it to deepen. Our tongues search each other out, and once we taste…fuck…it’s almost impossible not to devour. Even with our limbs too heavy to move, our muscles too weary to do their job.
“If I wasn’t so tired, I would fuck you to the edge and leave you hanging.”
“Is that so?” Laughing, I reach behind her to lamp and before I turn it off, I take a good look at her.
“Sometimes you make me so angry I don’t know what to do with it or you.”
“It’s a good thing you love me.”
“I do, cariño. My love for you is a sickness…insanity.” Her hand tightens around my nape. The hysteria shining bright in her eyes is a soothing balm to the pain in my soul.
“I love you more.”
