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He doesn’t give me a choice on whether to get in or not, and no one around us is at all bothered by it. I’m not exactly screaming “stranger danger” at the top of my lungs. No. No, I’m getting in his car.
It’s warm inside and the orange leather is buttery, and it smells like him. When he shuts my door, it’s like I’ve been swallowed by him. My pores are buzzing, and goosebumps cover me from head to toe.
“I’m not paying for shit by the way,” I tell him when he gets back into the car. His light grey T-shirt is wet enough that it’s gone a bit see-through, and I can make out all the tattoos across his chest.
Dear. Fucking. God.
“Thank you will suffice.”
“Thank you implies that I asked for your help—”
“Assistance,” he offers like it’s any different.
“Same thing.” Glaring at him, I have to fight off the slutty urge to ogle every bit of him. Even the way his wet joggers cling to his muscled thighs.
Sweet. Shitting. Jesus.
“Anyway.” I look ahead seeing as I can’t look at him without gushing everywhere. “I didn’t ask for your help or your assistance. You took it upon yourself to interfere with my walk to my friend’s house…”
“Anyone ever tell you that you need to learn to shut the fuck up?” he asks, turning the stereo up loud enough that I’d have to shout over it for him to hear me.
I turn it back down. “Anyone ever tell you you’re an arsehole?”
“All the time.”
“Then why don’t you do something about it?” Before he can reply, I turn the stereo all the way up until I’m certain the windows are going to crack right along with my eardrums.
“Fucking trouble.” I hear him laugh as he turns the music back to a reasonable volume.
Sadness fills me as I’m pulled out of my memory. I’ve lived every moment of the last couple of months dreading the idea that Casper would be taken away from me. Yet, nothing could’ve prepared me for how lost and lonely I’ve felt since I watched him walk away.
Why didn’t he hide with me? Why did he have to be a hero and leave me?
Ryan stops in front of a ramshackle house in the middle of nowhere. It’s surrounded by trees and muddy, unkempt grass. I’m not sure how long we’ve been walking, but it’s enough that I’m hurting in ways I shouldn’t be. The bottom of my belly feels so sore, and there’s so much pressure down there that I’m not sure whether I need to pee or whether it’s something worse.
Taking deep breaths, I follow Ryan through the dark hallway. Everything inside me is pulsing, dread clogging my throat.
“I’ll have to put the mains on. We always keep everything off at these places.” He stops in the doorway to what looks like a kitchen but is really a counter with a sink and a makeshift camping stove beside it.
He goes into a slim cupboard by a boarded-up back door and flicks something that has the lights coming on. The yellow light is dull like you’d expect from a candle.
“It’s not fancy, but we’re only here overnight.”
I don’t care what it is. I’d stay here forever if it meant Casper was with me.
A twinge makes me pause as I follow Ryan through the rest of the house.
“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”
“No. Nothing.”
I bury my nose in the collar of the coat. I wish it would smell more of Casper and less of me, like the first time I wore it. But that small hint is enough to suffocate me all over again. A reminder that it’s only going to fade more and more. The thought is debilitating, echoing through me with that one shot that brought us here.
“Are you sure… Is there no chance that—” I stop when his stare darkens to a scowl.
I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore, except that I’m alone and maybe I should’ve listened to Arabella. At least that way her brother would still be here, and I wouldn’t be alone. I’d have Cassie and Penny, and my daughter would be safe for sure.
Chapter 12
