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“What a great opportunity!” Mr. Diesel seemed beside himself with excitement.
I knew he meant well, and I truly appreciated it, but if he knew how my home life truly was, he would realize the hopelessness of it all. He would know Tom was a habitual liar and exploiter. He would probably call CPS and have Ella and me taken away due to our environment.
I had to keep my mouth shut. I had already been through the system. I knew they wanted to give the parents the benefit of the doubt. I knew they would send Heidi to mandatory rehab while Ella and I would more than likely be separated. Then Heidi would go through her transformation and Ella would be placed back in her care. I would have aged out by then. I would have no legal rights to get my sister or be privy to her whereabouts if she wasn’t returned by then. The system was broken.
I was so lost in my bleak thoughts that I hadn’t realized Mr. Jace had stood up and gently extracted me from Tom’s embrace. I was known to have a great poker face, but he must have glimpsed my distress. Seamlessly he had put his tall, lean, muscular frame between Tom and me.
He looked at me pointedly as he said, “Well, that could be one option, but I just presented her with the option of attending Knightstown School of Performing Arts.” I barely concealed my audible gasp. I had heard of the school, but I knew it was extremely hard to get into and extremely expensive. Getting a scholarship there was nearly impossible. I had dreamed once; then reality came knocking. It wasn’t something I could ever pursue.
Mr. Jace continued as if he read my thoughts. “My father and I are on the board of directors there, and with her talent, she could easily receive a full scholarship.”
Tom scoffed at him. “How is playing the…flute,” he said disparagingly, “ever going to help her in life. How is it going to pay the bills? Maybe she could work at a school like you because we know teachers make so much money. Why would you try to fill her head with such nonsense?”
I knew his anger stemmed from being thwarted. He hoped to get closer to me so I was easier to access for his nefarious plans. He saw it as a perfect opportunity to groom me.
“Piano,” I muttered. He was so oblivious!
At this point, I was incensed. I was furious at Tom for assuming I was naïve enough to believe he would do anything to help me out of the goodness of his heart. I was consumed with a sense of loss at Mr. Jace’s suggestion. As much as I liked the idea of a full scholarship to one of the most prestigious schools in America, if it was true, it wasn’t an option for me. It would never work. I had a sister to take care of. To protect. I couldn’t go gallivanting to Upstate New York and leave her behind. I was pissed at Mr. Jace that he would even suggest it. I know I was being ridiculous. He may assume what my life was like, but he didn’t know for certain. He probably saw this opportunity as a way to help me out, but it was an opportunity I couldn’t entertain the thought of.
“The music isn’t the primary focus of the school,” Mr. Jace said coolly. “They offer many different programs.”
I snatched up my messenger bag. “As delightful as this sounds, I promised my sister I would pick her up from school, and I’m going to be late.” At Mr. Diesel’s look of concern, I feigned a smile trying to pacify him. “It appears to me that I now have two viable options, but it’s a lot to take in right now. I don’t want to rush into anything, but it’s definitely something to consider.”
He nodded, seemingly pacified. I refused to look in Mr. Jace’s direction.
I started to storm out of the room as Tom grabbed my arm. “What’s the rush? We can go get her together.”
I froze once more due to his touch. “No thank you,” I said coldly.
No one else tried to stop me.
Ella was in high spirits when I picked her up. She was excited at the invite to a slumber party on Friday. I couldn’t deny her the opportunity, although I would have liked to meet the girl’s parents first. It would be highly suspicious if I were to request it. After all, I was just her sister and not her mother.
She wanted new pajamas and a sleeping bag, which I would have to add to our shopping list. I had to dip into the money I planned to save up for our future, but I couldn’t deny her a simple request. She really didn’t ask for much. She was mature for her age and understood our situation.
We walked to the bus stop to catch the bus into town. I was glad the thrift shop and Super Mart was within walking distance. The bus was packed with people, so we had to take several stops before we reached our own. Ella hopped off the bus in front of me still talking.
I gave her a small smile. I was so happy she was in my life, but I couldn’t help but wonder if my father was still alive would my life be different? Would I have applied myself as hard to classes? Would I have had the same opportunity to go to one of the greatest schools in America? Would my music be different? After all, most of my music came from that dark place left by the loss of my father.
My mind wandered back to that fateful day, the day I lost my father. I remember him being oddly agitated that week. He seemed to be constantly pacing, looking out the windows, and talking quietly on a cell phone I had never seen before. I had been an observant child even then. I was always surrounded by adults, so I liked watching them. I remember late at night, when they thought I was sleeping, Heidi and Dad having arguments. Dad wanted to move…again.
I don’t have many memories before I was five, but I remember moving a lot. My dad always told me it was because he had a gypsy soul, but I knew he had been lying. He never could lie to me.
For once I was on Heidi’s side. Dad had only been married for about three months (after dating her for a short four months). I didn’t like her much, even back then, but that was only because she treated me like a nuisance. I didn’t know why Dad married her. They didn’t seem like they got along all that well, and they didn’t really have too much in common.
I remember sitting on the top of the stairs and silently wishing he would listen to her. I had just gotten on an elite dance squad, and my best friends were here. My dad’s tone seemed final. I knew we were leaving again.
I went to bed feeling sad and defeated. The packing had started that night. By the end of the week, we would move once more. The only thing is that Dad never came home the following day. It took a week for them to find his car in a ravine. The police thought foul play was involved, but the leads had dried up long ago. My father’s murder w
as a mystery. A cold case.
“Blake! Blake!” Ella said insistently tugging on my hand. I realized she was probably trying to get my attention for some time now.
“Yes, dear,” I said attentively.
She sighed. “I asked if we can get big girl pajamas. I don’t want baby pajamas anymore.”
I laughed, trying to drag away my somber mood; I was spending too much time in the past. “I’ll see what I can do.”
