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He shook his head. “I know what I see. I think I’ll hang out with you for a little while.”
I knitted my eyebrows at his conviction but shrugged it off. I had enough drama to deal with right now without adding Bradford’s sudden interest into it. “You don’t have to. I’m only waiting for the clothes to dry, and then I’m going to hit the sack. I’m sure your girls are waiting for you.” I smiled slyly jumping on the chance to change the subject.
He shook his head at me, rolled his eyes, but smiled. “I borrowed your gift and told them I was hanging out with you for a little while.”
“So….” I prodded with a smile.
“So, what?” he tried to hide his smile, purposefully acting obtuse.
“So, I see you seemed to have found a balance in your relationships,” I stated.
He shrugged and frowned slightly. “It’s tough, you know. I have never been in a true adult relationship, and now I have two, or I’m expected to have two. I am still struggling with it, honestly. How is it even…fair to them? I can’t give either one of them my full attention. I constantly think I’m going to make one of them happy, but the other one will be disappointed. I can’t please both of them all the time.”
“You can try,” I joked with a wink.
He predictably turned pink, but then I saw a grin tilt his lips. “Is that what you do with your guys?”
I spluttered. “Not fair and no!”
“See that’s what I mean,” he stated. “How do you get the guys from not feeling left out or…neglected? How can we expect our connections to love us? When we have to constantly divide our attention on them. I tell you, Ake, I don’t know how you do it.”
Somewhere in our friendship he started calling me Ake. He said it was because since the day I entered his life, I had sent it in a whirlwind. He said I was a pain in his ass, therefore I was an Ake. He said it was the perfect way to shorten my name.
I gnawed on my lip as I thought of the best way to break it down to him. “Didn’t you say that your father came from a large family?” I finally asked as it dawned on me.
He looked at me in bewilderment. “What does that have to do with this?”
“Did your grandparents love one child more than the other? Did your father and his siblings feel neglected when their parents spent more time or gave more attention to their other children?” I asked.
A slow smile spread across his face. “No. But isn’t a parent’s love different than the love we should have for our connections?”
I shook my head. “Not necessarily. Some would believe children were a gift from God. It wasn’t like they chose them. They just loved them. At least the good ones do. Some people believe our gifts are from God. Why would he give us connections that we may not be able to love?
“I can’t speak for all the gifted, or as every nucleus, but I feel like each one of my guys was given to me for a reason. Each one of them complete me in a unique way.”
“Do you think Jemmy could ultimately be happy with our situation?” Gavin sighed. “She loves being the center of attention, and I can’t give it to her all the time. Sierra’s a great girl, too. I can’t neglect her and hurt her feelings, while I assuage Jemmy’s…”
“Insecurities?” I supplied for him. “I think she loves you. I think she wants to see you happy, ultimately. She knew that this may be a possibility. Maybe not with her as the connection, but she knew. I think if you make sure to make time for her, she’ll get used to it.
“I feel like she’s already shown so much more maturity than normal. I think she would be willing to make the adjustments to stay with you. She’ll learn. We are all learning.” I frowned as I thought of my situation, but then I added, “You spend a lot of time with Sierra during the day. She gets to work alongside you. I think if you make time in the evenings for Jemmy, she’ll feel more secure in this situation. I understand your drive to get these simulations completed, but you deserve this break, too.”
He frowned. “I have been spending a lot of time in the labs with this program. I can make time for her. I just,” he ran his fingers through his hair. “I just don’t want to disappoint her
. Initially when she was pushing the intimacy card, I wasn’t ready. Now that I might be, I’m afraid I won’t make her happy.”
I squeezed his arm reassuringly. “You won’t.” At his look of skepticism, I added. “She loves you, and I have a feeling it’s mutual, so show her.”
He began to open his mouth as shrill laughter sounded in the hallway. I looked over at the window over one of the folding tables. There was a group passing by heading to the dayroom. It was Yaris and his friends, followed by Adams and her friends giggling, laughing and touching my guys. They all had drinks in their hands, and they looked just as happy and relaxed as the girls.
“Wanna talk about it?” Gavin asked slowly. “I noticed you guys seemed…off at dinner. Did something happen?”
I jumped down from the table in the guise of grabbing my soda. I went to open it and frowned for a second. I hadn’t remembered opening it. I shrugged. I had immersed myself in my music. I’ve been known to do things and not remember doing them when I was focused.
I took a large gulp of my drink. “There’s not much to talk about,” I said in a bitter tone.
Anger, jealousy, and hurt warred in me. My hands were shaking with all my pent-up emotions. “I compelled them earlier, when you were coming up the mountain. They didn’t’ trust me or my abilities, so I forced them to connect with me, so I could throw you off your game. They didn’t appreciate that, so now they’re pissed at me. Apparently enough to be sleeping with the enemy.” I snorted to cover the tears that threatened to fall. My next words were filled with bitterness. “So, it would appear my connections feel I don’t give them enough attention and are willing to find it anywhere.”
He frowned. “Blake, I really don’t think that’s what going on. They may be mad at you, but they will never cheat on you. They love you.”
