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His wolf had been so pissed at him. His temper was not in check.
He had to make sure all of the pack stayed away from him today. When he heard Misha had called in sick, he’d been worried. Anyone who looked at her knew she was telling the truth.
She looked … in pain.
That was his fault. He was a monster.
“I’m guessing it has something to do with Misha. I saw her at the restaurant, eating with Blueberry. She looked … sick.”
He struck the tree. “It’s none of your business.”
“You’re my son. It is my business.”
“Dad, I’m not discussing my personal business with you.”
“Well, that tells me you fucked up big time, doesn’t it? You won’t let her leave but you’re also not claiming her. I didn’t think I raised a selfish prick.”
“Misha is mine.”
“And you won’t claim her, but something went down between the two of you, Decker. You’re an alpha, and the fact no one wanted to be around you today, that’s a problem. As an alpha, you have a responsibility.”
“I know that!” He looked at his father. “You think I don’t know what my responsibilities are every single day? I know what I’ve got to do. I know what I’m responsible for. I remember her!”
His father tensed up. “Your mother.”
Decker closed his eyes and counted to ten. He went too fast, and it didn’t help, so he started to count from the very beginning.
Again, it didn’t help.
“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this, but I will keep on doing it. What happened to your mother was a rare situation, Decker. You cannot keep judging Misha by your mother.”
“You were never there,” Decker said.
“Do not do this.”
He didn’t want to pick a fight with his father. Letting go of the tree, he turned toward the man he loved and admired. He was a great alpha. Rather than force the pack to keep him as their alpha, he’d trained his son to take over.
Staring at him, all Decker had wanted was to be as good an alpha as his dad.
“I fucked her against a tree.” He burst out laughing. “No, I slammed my dick into her, taking her virginity, and I stopped. I left her alone in the forest, naked. What you saw, that’s what I caused.”
He watched his father flinch.
“That is the kind of pain I caused. Do you think you can help me?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Oh, please, you couldn’t stop mom from killing herself.”
Decker expected the blow. He’d wanted it.
There was no one in the pack strong enough to take him on. There was only his dad, and well, he would do anything for someone to make him bleed.
“I didn’t think you had it in you, old man,” Decker said.
“This isn’t the son I raised, Decker. Get up.”
“And why did you have to raise me alone?” Decker asked.
His father grabbed him by the jacket and lifted him, shoving him against the nearest tree. “You blame me for her death.”
This made Decker tense. “No.” He’d never blamed his father. Decker Senior was the best damn alpha he’d ever known. As part of his role, he’d sat down with other alphas, and knew his father was one of the few men that was good, kind, and strong. His pack loved him.
“You think a second doesn’t go by when I don’t blame myself? When I don’t think of what I could have done differently? All that time I raised you, bringing you into adulthood, preparing you to take over the pack, I didn’t think of the fact you were being raised without a mother? This is my fault. The reason you will not take your mate is because of me.”
“Dad, stop it.”
He watched as tears filled his father’s eyes. “I will never forgive myself, Decker.”
“You have a new mate,” Decker said.
“I know, but that doesn’t mean the pain of losing your mother doesn’t stay with me. That is my curse. I put the pack first, which is what an alpha does, but a great alpha, he knows to put the pack first, but to have your wife at your side with you constantly. I neglected my wife. I was sure she was perfect to fulfill her duties. I didn’t see the warning signs. Do not make the same mistakes I did.”
“Dad, Misha is…”
“Your mate. You can pretend you don’t have feelings for her, but we all know you’re talking out of your ass. You love her. You want to mate with her.”
“I fucked up,” he said.
“Of course, you did. You’re still human, and being a wolf doesn’t mean you’re infallible. We all make mistakes.” His father let him go.
All the fight Decker had left him.
He didn’t want to argue with his father. He didn’t want to cause him any more pain. it was a dick move.
“What do I do?” Decker asked. “I … hurt her.” He touched his cheek. “She slapped me. A woman who has never been violent slapped me.” He didn’t know what hurt more, the slap or knowing he’d caused her to finally lash out.
