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Damn it.
“No, I’m better. My stomach has settled. It must have been just a twenty-four-hour bug,” she explains. “Is that why you’re calling?”
No… “Yeah, I got you on my mind. I’m sorry I was an asshole to you. It seems it comes out naturally around you, and I can’t stop it.”
“Maybe you should try a little harder,” she murmurs.
“You make it sound so easy. There’s too much of a past between us for things to be easy.”
“That’s just it, Blue. It’s all in the past. Can’t we just let it go? I don’t want to spend the rest of our lives hating one another.”
“Do you hate me?” I ask. The word hate burns inside of me. I never stopped to think about how Meadow felt about me after all these years. The fact she might hate me never entered my mind.
“Sometimes,” she admits and that feels like a punch in the gut. “I don’t have to ask how you feel about me. You’ve made that abundantly clear.”
“You couldn’t begin to understand how I feel about you, Doe. Hell, I’m not even sure I do myself.”
“Is that why you called? To tell me you hate me? Did I steal your thunder?”
“I don’t hate you, Doe. Things aren’t that simple…”
“Why did you call, Blue?”
“Don’t go out with Parker tomorrow night,” I tell her. I didn’t mean to, but as always with Meadow, my mouth doesn’t know when to shut the hell up. So, it slips out.
“Why do you care?” she asks, and if that’s not the million-dollar question, I don’t know what is.
“C’mon, baby, you and Parker have nothing in common.”
“Excuse me?”
“He doesn’t know what it means to be poor. He didn’t grow up like us, Doe. He’s never had a hard day in his life.”
“Are you saying I’m not good enough for your friend?” she huffs, and I definitely hit a nerve. That’s not even close to what I was saying. For some reason when I talk with Meadow, I can’t seem to explain myself worth shit.
“Quit twisting what I’m saying. I just meant that you two are nothing alike. For a relationship to work, you need to have things in common,” I mutter, sounding like they need to put me on a talk show so I can cry and just hand the host my balls. Does Oprah still do that shit?
“Have you ever heard that opposites attract, Blue?”
“I think you could say you and I have a pretty heavy attraction to one another even after all of these years.”
“Blue—”
“We have a lot in common. We always have,” I respond, willing her to remember the good between us. It’s been so long I know it’s easy to forget, but there was a time when Meadow and I were so fucking amazing every day was like an adventure—the kind that you are excited to face.
One that brings you joy.
Hell, I’ve forgotten what joy feels like at this point.
“I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t try to find a new relationship that is anything like what we had, Blue.”
“You say that like there’s never been anything good between us.”
“You hate me. We can’t even manage to stay in the same room for more than a minute or two, Blue. I think that trumps anything we shared when we were in high school, don’t you?”
“Doe—”
“I think it would be best if we just avoid each other completely from here out.”
“That’s not what you want. Tell me you don’t remember how you burned up in my arms a few weeks ago. You may say you don’t want me, but your body tells me different.”
“It was just sex, Blue.”
“It was fucking good sex, baby.”
“Maybe, but that doesn’t mean anything. I’m still me and you are still you. Even if we could find a way to put the past between us and explore this pull we share, the results would still be the same.”
“What does that mean?”
“Good Lord, what’s the point of all of this? You don’t even like me. We were kids when we were in a relationship. Let’s just stop trying to live in the past.”
“And the future?”
“There is no future between us. I wasn’t enough for you when we were kids—and that was back when you liked me.”
“Doe—”
“Goodbye, Blue. Believe it or not, I want you to be happy. I just don’t want to be your punching bag anymore.”
There’s a click on the phone indicating she hung up.
I hold my phone and continue staring out the window.
I want to call her back. I don’t.
Is Meadow right? Has she become nothing more than my punching bag? I have so much anger and confusion when it comes to Meadow.
Maybe she’s right.
It’s best to just walk away and let everything go. It’s what I’ve wanted for a while. It’s what I kept telling myself to do—but never did.
Now, I don’t have a choice.
