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I hold my head down, wondering if it’s worth it. The truth is, I want sex. I haven’t had sex since I had Adam. He’s nine. Sex with Adam’s father was never good. The only good sex I had in my life was with Blue. It may have never been enough for him, but for me, it was everything. I know it can’t be like it was before. Like I said, I don’t want that. There’s no going back. Still, Blue can take me away. I know he can.
He can make me forget.
He can help me get lost.
That’s what I need. That’s all this is about. To hell with anything else.
“I haven’t had a drink,” I respond.
I don’t drink. My ex drank like a fish. He definitely made me lose my appetite for alcohol—among other things.
“Just making sure,” he mumbles.
That’s when I start to second guess myself. “This was a mistake. Let’s just forget—”
I break off in a gasp when Blue wraps his hand in my hair, tugging it harshly, while jerking my head back. I look up at him in surprise.
“It probably is a mistake,” he admits. “But there’s no fucking way I’m forgetting about it, Doe.”
I can’t decide if that statement is a warning or not, but for some reason it feels like it is. Chills run down my spine.
“Blue, I don’t think—”
I stop talking because it’s impossible to continue. Blue’s mouth smashes down on mine. His tongue thrusts into my mouth, robbing me of thought. Now, common sense is gone. It’s about hunger.
I don’t know how you can be without someone in your life for as long as we have, and then with just one kiss, it all comes rushing back. The scent, the taste, the feel of him, slams into me like lightning, igniting a need in me so deep that I can think of nothing but Blue.
Kissing him.
Holding him.
Touching him.
Having him inside of me again.
He presses against my lips so tightly, so intensely, that there’s pain mingled in with the pleasure. It’s a bruising force, but I don’t care. His tongue invades my mouth, intent only on conquering it and bending me to his will. It’s violent…
And I love every moment of it.
His body is heavy over me. It makes me feel feminine and beautiful at the same time. My neck is bent deeply to the side as I take his punishing kiss. As his hand moves up my thigh, the rough texture of his skin elicits small moans from me. He swallows down the sound as his tongue wraps around mine—mating with it.
Our mouths break apart. I can’t stand to look at him right now. Blue’s eyes are a bright blue, and in the past when he gazed at me, the passion always felt like he was branding me. I don’t want that feeling now—not like this. I force my eyes to close, hold my head down, and try to catch my breath.
“Fuck, Doe,” Blue says, his voice hoarse and full of hunger. “I forgot how damned good you kissed.”
I keep my head down, but I secretly smile. Blue taught me how to kiss. He gave me my first. My first… my best… and honestly, I could probably count on one hand the times I kissed Adam’s father. I’ve regretted each of them a million times over. There are things I regret with Blue…
But kissing him has never been one.
A breath shudders through me when I feel his fingers move against my panties. There’s no way he can miss the wetness of the fabric.
“How well do you like these panties, Doe?” he rumbles against my ear.
My head goes back as I feel the fabric tightening. I know what’s coming next. I almost laugh when I hear the rip of the fabric as he tears my underwear from my body.
“You were always bad news when it came to my panties. I had to use all the money I made babysitting to buy new ones just so my mother didn’t notice any missing,” I whisper.
“Thank God you got smart and stopped wearing them.”
“It was cheaper,” I tell him, with a gasp.
He kisses me again, as his fingers push inside of me. He’s just using his hand, but I haven’t been with anyone in so long that it’s almost painful.
“Always so wet and ready for me. Do you know that’s what I remember the most, Doe? How fucking ready you always were for me,” he says, his voice graveled with hunger and something else. I’m too lost in his thumb pressing against my clit as he stretches my channel, preparing me for his cock.
I blot his words out, however. He has no idea how much they hurt. He might remember that, but that’s not what I remember.
The sex was always good, but then we were young and using our bodies to learn how to give one another pleasure. It was new and exciting, but that wasn’t what I held precious. It was the moments that came after. Moments when we were spent and he’d sift his hands through my hair, holding me close, whispering he loved me. Those were precious to me. I lived for the times he would kiss my forehead and whisper just two words. Just two.
