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“Oh, yeah!” Adam says, taking the fish and ignoring his bag. “I’m going to go show these to Grandma. Blue said I could come back when you said it was okay and I could help him run the fence line. Can I, Mom?”
“Yeah,” I laugh, feeling so sad inside that I can’t breathe. “Go show Grandma your fish. I’ll join you in a bit.”
“Okay! Bye, Uncle Black.”
“Bye, sport.”
“How are you doing, Meddie?” Black questions me after making sure Adam is safe inside.
I reach out for Adam’s bag and Black hands it to me. I give him a smile, although it’s a half-hearted attempt. “I’m hanging in, I suppose. How come Blue didn’t bring Adam back?”
I shouldn’t have asked that. I didn’t mean to. It just kind of slipped out. The disappointment I felt at not seeing him was crushing. God, this is a mess. The worst part is, I’m not even sure why I unloaded everything on Blue. The past should be the past. Did I do it all because I’m scared? I don’t even know anymore.
“Blue feels like he’s caused you enough pain. He thought it would be better if he gave you some distance.”
“Oh,” I murmur, regret making a knot in my stomach. This isn’t what I want. Do I even know what I want anymore?
“I guess I better get going. I want to keep an eye on Addie. She has a while yet, but she’s not been feeling well. Take care, Meddie.”
“You, too. Give Addie my love.”
He nods as he walks away. I watch him go, feeling as if I’m dying inside. Black gets to his truck and then stops. He lays his hands on the top of the bedside and looks right at me.
“Damn it,” he mutters under his breath. “I said I wasn’t going to do this, but I’m going to anyway.”
“Black—”
“You’re screwing up, Meddie. I know Blue fucked up. He knows it, too. He’s known it for a long time. He hates that he hurt you. It’s tearing him apart inside.”
“Black—”
“If you think you’ll ever find a man who loves you more than Blue does you’re insane. He has loved you his whole life.”
“Black—”
He cuts me off again, and I could almost laugh if I wasn’t miserable. It appears the only thing Black’s going to let me get out is his name.
“I know he fucked up in the past, but he was doing his best to show you that you’re all he wants in the world. He was trying to show you he has changed. Blue can be stupid, sure. Hell, we all can, but he will always be there for you. He was there even when you were married to that asshole Clark.”
“Black—”
“The point is, do you really want to turn your back on that? Do you want to cheat Adam and yourself out of a good life with Blue over something that happened when you were little more than a kid?”
“Black—”
“Damn it, Blue made mistakes, but we all have. I mean, you married Clark, and that was a mistake, too. Mistakes and wrong decisions are things people make in life—it doesn’t have to dictate their future. I know this better than anyone. If it matters at all, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the man my brother is now would die before hurting you, Meddie. He loves you. You have to know that Blue would do everything in his power to give you anything you want.”
“Black—”
“If you decide to pass that up, not only for you but for your babies, then it’s you that will be screwing up this time and your decision won’t just be hurting Blue. It will hurt everyone involved and that includes my entire family because we all love you and Adam.”
“Black—”
“And we love that baby you’re carrying. He’s a Lucas. He deserves to grow up like his cousins are. Adam deserves that.”
“Are you finished?”
“I guess so.”
“I’ll go talk to Blue.”
“Don’t tell him I said shit to you. He made me promise not to.”
“And you did anyway?”
Black shrugs. “It was important. Try to find it in yourself to forget the past, Meddie. I promise if he fucks up you won’t be alone. You’re never going to be alone again, regardless.”
“Go home to Addie, Black.”
His face goes tight, but he nods.
I let him go, my mind complete chaos.
Chapter 47
Blue
Texas is not being kind today. It’s so hot you could fry an egg on the sidewalk. It’s insanity to be working in the barn, shoveling horse manure and cleaning stalls—at least in the heat of the day. That’s what I’m doing though, and it’s all because I’m trying to work off my frustration. I’ve already shed my shirt. The damn thing was so covered in sweat it was sticking to me. I’ve only got one stall left and I’m almost done pitching hay back into it.
