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It’s still on December, which is completely blank, and so I flip it over, and sure enough, it’s there, hearts and all.
My hands tremble, and I brush my thumb over the writing. “Noah…”
“We were excited,” he rasps. “That’s all.”
“How could you allow me to go with Chase?” I look up.
“I didn’t allow anything.” His shoulders fall. “It was your choice.”
“But I had already made one. If I would have known, I wouldn’t have said yes.”
“But you didn’t know.”
“That’s your fault too!” I don’t mean to shout, and guilt wraps around my ribs.
“You can blame me. Anything you want to blame me for, do it. Please.” His tone is shattered, helpless and the ache bleeds into my own veins. “I’ll carry that weight. Gladly. Happily, if it takes any off you. I don’t want to hurt you.” He steps closer, nearly begging to take the pain from within me as his own. “If I went against what you asked, if I looked you in the eye and told you anything from before, I would have risked scaring you away. I couldn’t take that chance.”
“You wouldn’t have scared me.”
“You don’t know that.” Torment burns in his eyes, and my lips begin to quiver.
“Did you ask Mason to delete something from my phone?”
He visibly winces, silently pleading for a pass.
I don’t give him one.
You swore…
Noah nods.
“What was it?”
He swallows. “A message… all of our messages.”
There were a lot?
“Did you delete it from yours?”
Noah hangs his head. “No.”
“Why?”
He closes his eyes, and when they open, they’re clear, and I’m captivated by the sorrow within them. “Because I needed to hold on to what you gave me with the last message you sent.”
“What did I give you?” I whisper.
“Purpose, Juliet,” he whispers back. “You gave me purpose when I wasn’t so sure I had one.”
My eyes close, and I’m made aware tears have fallen when the heat of Noah’s thumbs meet my skin, shocking me, warming me.
Soothing me?
My lids fly open, locking with his.
His touch halts, but it doesn’t leave.
The calendar falls, and my hands press against his chest.
I jolt, but then I flatten them there. His heart ticks against my palm, and my pulse follows his lead. It starts stuttering, slow, and with each passing second, the rhythm picks up and up, and my eyes rise with it.
Noah’s fingers twitch against my hair, and he swallows.
I rise onto my toes and his features pull.
“Juliet…” he rasps. “What are you doing?”
“I don’t know,” I admit, his lips so close now.
“I don’t know how I feel about that.”
“How do you feel about me?”
He says nothing, so I look up, and when I do, suddenly, his silence makes sense.
Noah doesn’t have to say a word, the truth is written all over him.
He couldn’t hide it if he tried, and I think he might be trying…
Noah
* * *
Goddamn it, she’s gorgeous, perfect.
Here.
She came to me in anger, found me on memory, and now stares at me with need.
But my baby has no idea what she needs when the answer, while hard to find, is so simple.
It’s one word, one thing.
It’s me.
The ache in her voice, it cuts me. It’s fucking killing me.
How do I feel about her?
My knuckles run up her cheek, my palm flattening against it a moment later, and she blinks slowly.
I love you, baby. Every part of you.
I love the way you link life to lyrics, how you smile at the moon and love like the ocean, far and wide, and without apology. I love how selfless you are, how honest and kind, even though life hasn’t been so kind to you lately. I love how you try to be brave for your family, because you don’t want them to hurt, even when doing so hurts you a little.
I love you so much I want to come home to you, wake beside you and spend a lifetime worshipping you. I want the house you spoke of and the family in your dreams. I don’t only want to be the man you need, but the one you want. The one you can’t live without. I want to love you for a lifetime, and even more after that.
But most of all, I just want the chance to make you mine again.
Because I’m yours. Always.
No matter what.
“Noah,” she rasps, and I blink back to now.
To the vulnerable girl standing before me, confused by the way her heart beats when she’s close to me, and understanding exactly what it is she’s feeling while she is.
She feels safe and calm. She’s at peace and taken aback by the fact that she senses no need to run, how she knows she has no reason to.
Because with me, she’s home.
I am home for you, baby. Please remember...
Ari takes a deep breath. “Do something for me?”
“Anything.”
“Show me how you feel about me,” she pleads.
