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She had not just told me she’d been…No. No way.
Frowning thoughtfully, she murmured. “No. No, my parents told me very specifically I couldn’t call it that. Told me I couldn’t tell anyone, couldn’t go to the police or talk about it ever again. No.” She gave a vigorous shake of her head. “It wasn’t rape. I deserved it. I agreed to go on that date with him, after all. I even climbed into the backseat with him on my own free will. They said I should’ve expected it.”
Should’ve expected…?
Jesus. I thought I might vomit. But, what the fuck?
With my fingers choking the steering wheel and pretending it was her goddamn rapist’s neck, I managed to ask, “How long ago was this?”
“Nine years. I was fourteen. It was my first time.” she pressed a finger to her lips thoughtfully before adding, “I don’t think a girl’s first time should ever be like that.”
“No,” I agreed qui
etly. “No, it shouldn’t.” I thought about Caroline for some reason. Shit, she’d had that dance tonight, hadn’t she?
What if that Scotini boy expected more from her than she was willing to give? What if she agreed to climb into a backseat with him for a couple kisses then got scared when he wanted more and tried to put on the breaks, but he didn’t let her? I’d break every bone in his fucking body. I was tempted to pull out my phone and check on her, but I wanted to be here for Aspen, too. She was obviously going through something right now, and I liked being the one to hear her drunk disclosures.
“Have…” I licked my dry lips as I turned down her block. “Have you ever told anyone about this before, besides your parents?”
I prayed that she’d tell me she’d gone to the police, despite Mommy and Daddy’s wishes, and the asshole had been thrown behind bars, where he’d stayed until he died after being gang raped himself by twenty other inmates. When she didn’t immediately answer, I glanced over at her as soon as I pulled into her drive and parked.
She’d curled up in her seat with her knees bent to her chest and her arms wrapped protectively around her legs. It gave me a view of silky black panties, but at the moment I was too worried about her to ogle them.
Looking a decade younger than twenty-three, she sent me a wide-eyed glance. “Of course,” she said. “I told my therapist. It’s very chic in my parents’ world to have a therapist. But mine actually helped me get over it. I mean, the first guy I was with after it happened didn’t reap any benefits. He didn’t even stick around to finish our one encounter together because I freaked him out so bad. He pulled out as soon as I started crying. Then he ran off and never called me again. But the second stayed through more than one encounter before he stopped returning my phone calls. That’s something though, right? It’s progress.”
I hissed a curse under my breath. Bastards. All three of them. I could tell every one of her past partners had hurt her, even if they hadn’t been like the first prick. I wanted to pull her into my lap and just hold her. Or maybe even show her what the good side of passion was like.
But I restrained myself.
She’d been staring out the front window, probably at the lights again, when suddenly, she looked over. “I read your paper.”
Her quiet words made my already unsettled stomach roar with anxiety. “Yeah. You already graded it and gave it back to me, remember? We had an entire discussion in your office over whether I deserved an A or not. And how you’re going to keep my dirty little secret for me.”
“Right,” she murmured softly as if suddenly remembering. “Yeah, I guess I owed you a secret, then, didn’t I?” She smiled but it wasn’t very happy. Her green eyes lifted. “I was so turned on the entire time you were blowing up at me, telling me to take that A back if you didn’t deserve it. If you’d have kissed me that day, I would’ve kissed you back. And more.”
Holy fucking shit. I shoved open the driver’s side door and hurled myself out of her car. The cool air was a welcome shock to my arousal. But then she opened her door and got out too.
“I, uh, I’m going to call my cab now.” God, that sounded lame, but she was drunk. I couldn’t do anything about all her confessions. Not now.
She nodded, then shivered and hugged herself before she started toward the sidewalk, which led to her front porch. When she stumbled and nearly went down, I cursed a little louder and shoved my phone back into my pocket.
“Wait,” I called, darting after her and catching her arm just as she tripped again. “Let me help you.”
She swayed my way until she was leaning against me fully. I had to slip my arm around her waist to keep her upright. Fuck, who would’ve guessed she’d have such a tiny waist?
Tipping her face up, she grinned engagingly. “It was the best essay I ever read, you know.”
“Hmm.” I swallowed, refusing to respond, and helped her up the steps onto her porch. When she couldn’t seem to find her keys in her purse, I jiggled them to let her know I still had them after driving. She grinned and stepped aside, gladly letting me take over.
“Your grammar still sucked ass,” she went on as I unlocked the door. “And you’d probably lose a spelling bee to a first grader, but...oh my God. It made me cry. I read it over, and over, and over. I even photocopied it like a creepy stalker, so I could continue to read it after I gave it back to you. And every time I look at it, I bawl my eyes out. For you.”
Lifting her hand, she caught a piece of my hair and idly brushed it across my forehead to sift it out my eyes. The sensation of her fingers on me was like an electric shock. Powerful, startling. A complete rush to both my hormones and my heart.
My mother had slapped me before for saying something out of line, or she had shoved me aside for getting in her way. Girls I’d hooked up with had dug their nails into my ass when I made them feel good. My siblings had huddled close to me when they were frightened. Teammates had slapped my back in congratulations. But no one had ever touched me like this, with pure, honest affection as if they wanted to take care of me.
“You’ve been through so much,” she murmured, sympathy ruling her tone. “Have so much to deal with. I want to hunt down your mother and hurt her for what she put you through.”
I sniffled out a sad smile just as I pulled the key free of the lock. But I was no longer in such a hurry to get her inside...away from me. I forced my attention back to the front door, but I wanted to keep looking at her. Stare at her just like she was—soft, sweet, and a little vulnerable—for the rest of my life.
