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I shot her a dry glare because she was still lying to me. “Oh, so you would’ve been faithful if you’d just known he was so serious about you?”
She shrugged, letting me know she wouldn’t have been faithful, no matter what. She didn’t apologize for it, I noticed. She acted haughty and justified, as if she’d done absolutely nothing wrong, as if she hadn’t just broken the heart of a man who’d been seconds—seconds—away from asking her to be his wife.
Just then, I hated her. And I didn’t feel sorry for sleeping with her ex-boyfriend. And worst of all, I didn’t feel bad about having such awful, terrible thoughts like I usually did when a stray awful, terrible thought entered my head. I just felt disgust for the woman sitting across the car from me.
But then the second passed, and the guilt and shame crashed down. I cowered in my seat, needing a distraction. “What kind of checkup am I getting today?” I asked quietly.
I’d already been through the physical exam. A doctor had looked me over from top to bottom, thoroughly, even going as far as to scrutinize every mole on my body to make sure they didn’t look cancerous.
“Psychological, I think.”
“Psycho...?
” A cold sweat misted my skin. I turned to look at her, feeling like I might vomit. “What? No. I...I can’t. Not today. Can’t I do something different this time?” Anything different.
I could already picture the shrink drilling me for the truth.
Just how jealous of Cora are you? How much do you resent her perfect parents, her perfect social graces, her perfect boyfriend? Just how sore are you between the legs from stealing him from her and having sex with him all night long?
Today was the absolute worst day ever for someone to go picking around inside my brain.
Cora just sent me a dry glare, no pity whatsoever in her hateful gaze. “I didn’t set the appointments. You’re going.”
“So, Zoey. Why do you want to give Cora your kidney?”
It was the easiest, most obvious question ever. And yet it rendered me completely blank, because in that moment, I couldn’t remember why I was still so determined to do this. The only thing I could think to say was that it was because I’d told her I would. I would not go back on my word.
But after licking my extremely dry lips, I pushed out my shaking voice, “Be-because she’s my best friend.”
Lie. That was such a lie. A year ago, it would’ve been the truth. Hell, even a couple months ago, it had been the truth. But today, I didn’t even know if I’d consider her a passing friend.
Across the overly hot room, the psychologist nodded and made a note on his pad. For some reason, I wondered if he was really making a notation about me or if he was just playing tic-tac-toe with himself.
Then he lifted his face and sent me a smile that creeped me out more than it settled my nerves. “From Cora’s notes here, it says she was a year older than you and took you under her wing. Is that right?”
I blinked as he shuffled through a few pages as if to find the line he was quoting. But...what? Cora had already talked to him? Cora had...? What exactly had she told him about me? What did he already know?
My breathing began to escalate. “I...” I nodded because nothing he said was a lie. “Yes, I guess.”
“And she’s the, uh, the spearhead of your friendship? You’re the follower?”
I didn’t mean to frown, but something about the way he phrased that rubbed me all kinds of wrong—though, okay, that was how it had been back in high school. I had followed along with whatever idea Cora had, done whatever Cora had wanted to do, followed like a good, faithful little sheep.
But here in Ellamore? Yeah, that wasn’t the way of our friendship at all.
I didn’t tell him that, though. I didn’t tell him she felt like more a stranger to me these days. So I shrugged and agreed with his assessment. “Sure.”
He nodded as if self-congratulating himself for his brilliant deduction. “It sounds as if Cora is a pretty important person in your life. She said you didn’t have a great home life, so she kind of acted as your family. Like a big sister. I guess I’m saying I’m worried about attachment issues. I don’t want you to think of her as your crutch.”
Whoa! What?
The last thing I thought of Cora as was a crutch.
Okay, maybe two years ago when she’d “taken me under her wing,” I’d latched on to her friendship because it was the only thing I’d had. But then I’d had a year severed from her to learn how to deal with things on my own, and the only reason I’d come here to Ellamore was to help her, not so she’d take care of me again. Lately, I’d actually been dreaming up ways to peacefully cut ties with her after the transplant was over.
“Sharing your kidneys between the two of you isn’t going to make you one person or tighten any emotional connection between the two of you. You’re still going to be your own person, and she’s going to be hers. You do realize that, right, Zoey?”
What the hell?
