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Strangely, the hurt won.
After I walked down the hall and saw Zoey sitting on the couch, watching an episode of Psych, I fell down on the cushion beside her. I didn’t say anything; I just stewed in my misery as I stared through the television screen, seeing nothing but Cora sitting on the floor of her bathroom in front of the toilet.
Visions of my time with my mother swirled through my head. The beatings, the boyfriends laughing at me for being a freak as they threw beer bottles at me whenever I’d race through the living room to get to the kitchen. Then high school. Never fitting in, always being on the outside.
When I’d first started seeing Cora, I thought I’d finally found a place to belong, someone to share all my thoughts and secrets with. But there was so much she refused to open up about. Sometimes, I still felt like I was on the outside, a freak who didn’t belong in her life.
Unable to control my bubbling emotions a second longer, I spun to face Zoey. Refusing to face me, she continued to stare at the television as the show played on with the volume low.
“Why won’t she just talk to me?” I blurted out, the anger in my voice hopefully blotting out the pain.
She sniffed and pulled her knees up to her chest so she could hug them. “I don’t know.” She kept staring at the television, and I hated that she wouldn’t look at me, either. “But I wish she would.”
So did I. Not only was Cora putting a strain on my relationship with her, but I think she was putting one on her relationship with Zoey too. Zoey looked strung tight enough to snap with the slightest nudge.
“Don’t worry,” I told her. “I’m not going to ask you.”
A tear slipped silently down her cheek. “Thank you.” She kept watching the show, though I’m pretty sure she also had no idea what was going on in it.
An urge rose inside me. I didn’t understand why it was suddenly so important to me, but I just needed to connect with someone...in any way possible. I needed to...I don’t even know. I needed to know someone understood me. Hell, I’d settled for just understanding someone else. I had to somehow feel tethered to the planet and not like some foreign being invading everyone else’s space.
So I asked, “Can I read one your stories?”
Zoey whirled to me, her green eyes wide. I expected her to tell me no, but she blushed. “You actually want to?”
Did I? I don’t know. I hadn’t even thought about it until just now. But the more I thought about it, the more I did want to. “Yes,” I said.
“I…” She flushed and ducked her face. “I don’t know. They’re not really—”
“Please.”
Her eyes went even wider until she almost seemed frightened. But I think the sincerity in my gaze finally won her over because she swallowed. “Okay.”
She stood up and glanced down to where I was still sitting. “They’re, uh…they’re in my room.” When she nervously tucked her hair behind her ear, I knew she wanted me to follow her. To her room.
I stood up. “Okay.”
I hadn’t been in her room since she’d moved in. It had the same pale blue walls and white bedding that had been in here before she’d come, but she’d managed to make the space her own. She had books and clothes and two stuffed teddy bears in the wicker chair in the corner. A row of shoes lined the foot of her bed, and the yellow scarf she’d worn to school last week was wrapped about her bedpost.
And it smelled like her.
I drew in a deep breath of wild cherry and orchid but stayed near the entrance as she moved forward to pull a spiral ring notebook from the white shelf over her bed.
But my curiosity got the best of me, and I moved closer. “Are all those full of stories?”
She nodded. “I don’t know why, but I have to write them by hand.”
“So you only have one copy? Don’t you worry about something...happening to them?”
She shrugged. “I plan to type them into the computer someday. But for now, I like them like this.”
She hadn’t handed the notebook over yet and was actually cradling it protectively to her chest. So I reached out my han
d. Her eyes lifted to mine. After a moment of hesitation, she finally gave it to me.
“Thank you,” I said, realizing how much she’d just put her trust in me. I felt honored. Now if only Cora had—
My girlfriend appeared in the doorway, her mussed hair sticking up around her head and a blanket wrapped around her shoulders like a cape.
