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That was the main reason I wasn’t going to stay in bed and think about what I’d done.
I’d already done it, anyway. There were no take backs now.
But as I took a shower and rubbed soap over me, my tender body just wouldn’t allow me to let it go. I would never forget it. My breasts pebbled and my core swelled with lust.
I wasn’t big on masturbation. I thought Sander’s dumping me had killed everything sex-related in my life. It wasn’t until Oren’s presence slowly made me awaken to my desires that I’d ever touched myself in the first place...months and months ago. And the only time I ever did was when I thought of him. Like I was now. Except now I knew what it felt like to really be with him.
Oh God. How could he turn me so wanton? I’d never felt needs this strongly before he’d come along. I kind of liked it, but then it also scared me. What if I turned into my mother who ignored her own children in favor of finding the next dick to fill her? What if—
Damn it. Liking sex with one guy did not make me my mother. Touching myself in the shower did not make me my mother.
I pressed my back against the shower wall and rubbed myself with one hand as I pinched an inflamed nipple with the other. Water streamed over me and I pretended it was his hands, touching me everywhere. Just when my thighs trembled and my pussy clenched, preparing to come hard, a pounding fist on the bathroom door obliterated my ecstasy.
“Jesus Christ, Caroline! How long are you going to be? I gotta take a shit.”
“Damn it, Brandt,” I yelled back. “I’m almost done.” Or more accurately, I wasn’t going to finish at all now. Little butt licker had killed a perfectly good moment. “Grr.” I rinsed and snapped off the water.
There were three bedrooms and two baths in this house, but sometimes, I still felt as cramped as we’d been at the trailer park back home. Finding a better-paying job and moving out on my own was looking better and better each day. Noel would freak and fight me the entire way—he was still overprotective and worried about me—but he was no longer my legal guardian, so I guess I didn’t need his approval.
I just wanted it.
After totally disappointing him last year, I still craved his absolute love and acceptance of me.
More impatient knocking came as I wrapped a towel around my breasts.
“I really, really gotta go,” my fourteen-year-old brother whined.
With a sigh, I slung my hair up in a towel turban and then yanked the door open to glare out at my brother who—ack, was taller than me now. When the hell had he grown so much?
He glared right back.
I arched an eyebrow and waited for him to step out of my way so I could exit and let him in. “Why couldn’t you use Noel and Aspen’s bathroom if you had to go that bad?” They had a private bath connected to their bedroom, and it was like ten times nicer than this one.
“Because Aspen’s already in there.” Brandt knocked me aside as he bulldozed inside.
I huffed out an indignant breath and stepped into the hall, shutting the door behind me because I had a feeling he wasn’t going to wait for me to leave before he started his business. Disgusting, I know. Made me wish for the bajillionth time that I had three sisters instead of three brothers.
After I retreated to my room to change into clothes for the day and brush my hair dry, I made my way toward the kitchen, where Aspen was up and fixing breakfast. I stopped in the doorway and watched her, realizing I actually did have a sister now, didn’t I?
She was nothing like Noel; I wasn’t even sure how they found a reason to hook up in the first place, but you could tell from the intensity of their love when they were together, none of that mattered. So, to each their own, I guess.
I was just glad Noel had fallen for and managed to keep her, because she was an absolute godsend. She’d taken all four of us Gamble siblings into her home and let us crowd into everything until we’d completely rearranged her entire life. And she seemed freaking thankful about it, like she was actually pleased to have us ruin all her neat, orderly plans.
As if sensing my presence, she glanced over her shoulder and jumped. “Oh! Good morning, Caroline.” She sent me the sweetest smile as she carried a pitcher of juice to the table. “Breakfast is almost ready.”
When two halves of a bagel popped up from the toaster, I moved toward it to spread on some of Colton’s favorite strawberry cream cheese.
“Thanks,” Aspen said. “You didn’t have to do that.”
I tucked a piece of damp hair behind my ear and shrugged. “It’s fine. I don’t mind.” Honestly, I wanted to feel more useful than I usually did around here.
A year ago, I’d taken care of most of Colton’s and Brandt’s needs. Back home, I’d been the one to feed them, wash their clothes, make sure they took baths, and purchase all their necessities. But as soon as we’d moved here, Aspen had seamlessly taken over all those duties. I hadn’t been in any shape at the time to do them myself, so I hadn’t balked. And because of it, I’d backslid so much in the last year, I think I’d actually become less independent than I’d ever been.
I know that was crazy, but it just highlighted how much of a mess I was.
Still feeling awkward about doing kitchen stuff while Aspen was there too, I scraped on the cream cheese as fast as I could and carried the bagels to the table where Aspen already had everything set out for four people. I glanced at the empty spot where Noel usually sat. No plate or cup or silverware lay in his spot, which told me exactly where he was.
“Is Noel at the coffee shop again with—”
