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I felt him nod, but he kept petting my hair as I described my life to him. “Noel basically raised us. My mother was gone a lot, and when she was home, she didn’t pay a lot of attention to us. I remember her snapping at me when Brandt and Colton were little, telling me to keep them quiet because she had a headache or something. Noel buffered a lot. He’s such a natural leader.” I smiled. “Still is, kind of bossy sometimes, but I wouldn’t trade him for the world. He always made sure we were fed and clothed and entertained. Looking back now, I’m amazed by how much work he went through to keep the three of us happy. I mean, he couldn’t do much, but he...he tried, you know. He really tried.”
“He’s a good brother,” Oren murmured.
“The best,” I agreed.
“Were you mad at him when he left for college?”
“No. Not at all.” I remembered how petulant Brandt had been, but I’d known Noel needed to go. I’d been ready to take over and do whatever I had to so he could make something of himself. I’d been so proud my big brother was going to get a college degree with his football scholarship. “I didn’t realize quite how much stuff he took care of until he was gone, though.” Until I’d had to step in and try to do what he’d always done.
“How old were you?”
“Fifteen. And I really tried to use the money he sent home wisely. I paid the bills he told me were the most important first, and I got the groceries we needed, but sometimes...I don’t know. I’d splurge when I shouldn’t have, and I’d get Brandt and Colton some toy they really didn’t need or me a cute outfit that cost way too much. But I kept trying to fix every mistake I made, except each one seemed to set us back just a little bit further.”
“You did the best you could.”
“And yet I never achieved the Noel Gamble level of perfection.”
Against me, Oren snorted. “Who could? Trust me, I played ball with the guy for four years. No one can be as great as ESU’s almighty football star.”
Arching my eyebrows, I rolled around to face him. “Do I detect a bit of jealousy in your voice, sir?”
He shrugged and leaned in to lightly kiss my nose. “Not really, but he did steal all the glory, despite the fact I had to catch most of his damn passes. I’ll tell you now, not all of them were that perfect.”
I moved my hand up his beard stubble. “Well, thank God I’m not the only one put out about the fact he’s so perfect, and I’m not.”
“Hey, I never said I wasn’t perfect. He just has to be...perfecter?”
“You mean, more perfect?”
He shrugged. “I like perfecter better.”
I grinned and snuggled against him.
“Keep talking,” he instructed softly as his hand strummed along my back. “I like learning about you.”
“Well, there’s not much else to say. After Noel left, I progressively started to slip. I grew lonely, stressed, perpetually worried. When Sander Scotini said hi to me one day in school, I was so starved for something to just...take me away from it all, I latched on to his attention like the...the stupid idiot I was.”
Oren tensed under me and his hand stopped moving. “You weren’t stupid. The fucker just knew to strike when you were the most vulnerable.”
I sighed. “Yeah, I guess. But I really should’ve known better. I should’ve known I didn’t mean anything to someone like him. I should’ve—”
“What the hell ever,” Oren snapped. He rolled me onto my back and rose up to send me a piercing scowl. “You meant to say you should’ve known you were too good for a pansy-ass rich prick like him, right?”
I smiled softly, but glanced away. “I know I’m not too good for anyone—”
“The fuck you’re not.” Grasping my chin, Oren turned my face until I was looking up into his eyes. “You are...amazing. And the only thing that douche did right was fuck everything up for you, because it landed you here. With me.”
I drew in a breath, unexplainably touched by the intensity in his gaze and the fever behind his words. He meant what he said. Tears prickled my eyes, but I blinked them away.
Setting my hand on Oren’s bare chest, I felt the steady thump of his heart under my fingers and marveled at what an amazing heart it could be. “So, you really don’t expect sex right now?” I asked.
He blinked at the question, obviously not expecting it, and maybe not even thinking about it. Then he scowled. “I told you I didn’t in the text, didn’t I? Did you think I was lying?” He sounded a little insulted.
“Well, no.” Hmm, this was strange. “I knew you weren’t lying...when you said it. But now that I’m here...”
He huffed out a breath, definitely insulted. “I know this might sound crazy, but I actually can survive without it for one night.”
“Yeah, but...” I shrugged self-consciously. “Since you’re being all nice, and snuggly, and understanding, I kind of...want it now.”
