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“Damn it, Oren.” She peered up at me from her tearstained eyes. “I need to...I just need to relieve some pressure right now. Please.”
I’d never really been able to say no to her, but especially not when she was crying, so I sighed, ground my teeth and muttered, “Fine. Whatever,” before I went around to the passenger side. I tugged on my seat belt as soon as I climbed in, and fucking awful brother that I was, I didn’t even notice that she’d neglected to put hers on.
“So, what’s the deal?” I asked as she peeled out down the road and veered around a corner.
“Corey Garboni slept with Suzanne.”
I waited for her to go on, but when she didn’t, I lifted my eyebrows. “Okay. So?”
“So?” She sent me an incredulous scowl. “So, I liked Corey. I let him go up my shirt last weekend.”
“You did what?”
“And he was supposed to take me to the movies again tomorrow,” she ranted on without even hearing me. “I had no idea he was into Suzanne too, and she had no idea about what I’d done with him.”
“Bastard,” I muttered under my breath. “I can’t believe you even liked that guy. I’ve always thought he was a fucking douche.”
“Oh, well I’m so sorry I couldn’t like someone you approved of.”
“You should be,” I said. “I could probably find you a better guy than you could. Someone who wouldn’t fucking cheat on you, anyway.”
“Really?” She arched me an incredulous glance. “I would just love to hear what kind of guy you think I should end up with.”
“Fine.” I cleared my throat and resituated myself in the passenger seat, thinking it through. “He has to like football, or I wouldn’t have anything in common with him, and if he’s going to hang out with you, then I’ll probably be stuck hanging out with him more than I want.”
“Okay,” she said on the nod as she slowed the car to turn a corner. “I could handle a football player.”
“Right.” I drew in a breath before adding, “Loyal, faithful, quiet.”
“Quiet?” She sent me a mystified glance.
I nodded, sticking with my original decision. “Yeah. We’re both talkers, so you’d definitely need a listener, maybe someone a little reserved but totally willing to stand up for you if need be. He’d have to be bigger than me, because I just wouldn’t be able to respect him if he wasn’t. Oh, and smart, like into science so that he’ll end up a rich heart surgeon or something.”
“You haven’t described his looks yet.”
I shrugged and made a face. “Fuck, like I care how he looks.”
She grinned. “Then I want him to be hot. Preferably blue eyes and maybe even a dimple.”
I shook my head, boggled as to why those two things had made the cut and nothing else. Girls were so strange. “Fine,” I said. “Whatever.”
She snorted out a quick laugh. “You know, we just described a guy who couldn’t possibly exist. A sexy, shy, biology-loving athlete. Really, O
ren. Never going to happen.”
“Well, then I guess we’ll just have to grow old together, single and hopeless.” Glancing out the passenger side window, I mumbled to myself, “Because I’m certainly never getting laid again.”
But my twin heard me, loud and clear. “What do you mean again? You haven’t—oh my God. Were you at Libby’s house when I just called?”
“I was on my way home from her house when you called,” I corrected.
She gasped. “Holy shit. So you two—” When she glanced at me, her eyebrows crinkled with worry. “Oh, no. Your birthmark freaked her out, didn’t it?”
I zipped her a hard stare. “How the hell did you know that?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I just...guessed. I mean, I’ve never actually seen a real live penis aside from yours when we were younger, but I’ve heard girls talk, and none of them mention bright purple spots on the side.”
I sank lower in my seat, wanting to just fucking die. “Well, thanks for cluing me in on that...after I’d already fucking humiliated myself for life. She’s going to tell everyone, you know. She’s going to say what a freak I am, and I’m never going to have sex again in my entire—”
