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Reese lifted a finger in warning. “Honey, I know he’s your brother and you’re supposed to think his body’s gross, but bash my man’s perfect hiney one more time, and I will cut you.”
“Mommy!” Gray and Issa raced back into the kitchen. “TV,” they encouraged her, reminding her she’d made a promise to let them watch their shows.
“Okay, okay. I’m coming.” She herded them back from the kitchen but paused to glance at me. “I really am happy for you. And if you ever need to talk about any of it—especially about, you know, firmness—I’m always here for you.”
Smiling, I said, “Thank you.” But all this talk made me really want to see Brandt. I knew he was at work, but...he did happen to work in a public drinking establishment, and I did happen to be of age to drink. And my niece and nephew had just stolen half my drink, so I was still thirsty. Who was to say I couldn’t visit the Forbidden Nightclub for a little...nightcap?
“Hey,” I called back to Reese, who paused again and lifted her eyebrows. “Do you, uh...you mind if I head to the...the library for a while tonight?”
She snickered. “The library, huh? Is that what you kids are calling it these days?”
I rolled my eyes and blushed. I was about to say something about how philosophical I was suddenly feeling, but then I realized she wouldn’t get it.
Oh, holy wow. Brandt and I had a personal inside sex joke just between the two of us. I loved that.
“I’ll be home later,” I told my sister-in-law instead.
“Okay, chickie. Have fun...studying!” With a wink, she left the kitchen.
I blew out a breath, then pressed my hand to my suddenly roiling stomach, because...I was going to do this.
I was going to visit Brandt at work. I’d never done that before. The last and only time I’d ever been to the Forbidden Nightclub was the day of Pick and Eva’s wedding because it had taken place there. Bars were totally not my scene. They made me feel extremely self-conscious and were usually too crowded for my wheelchair to navigate. It’d never been worth it to attempt a visit...until tonight.
I was tempted to text him and warn him I was coming by, but at the last second, I decided to surprise him instead.
The parking lot sat across the street from the actual bar. So I had to find a flat crosswalk to allow me to get up onto the sidewalks, then wait until the light turned. Once I reached the entrance, I drew in a deep breath, bolstering myself.
Brandt had told me that these days there was only a doorman on the busy nights from Thursday through Saturday, so I wouldn’t have to pay to get in. But it still felt odd to just mosey inside as if I belonged.
The table full of guys closest to the door with two pitchers of emptied beers sitting in the middle of them paused to stare as I entered. I blew out a shuddered breath and turned my attention toward the bar in the back.
I spotted Brandt immediately, his attention centered on mixing a drink. He looked good. The way the spotlights above sprayed down on him made his dark hair glisten and really emphasized the breadth of his shoulders. It was so overwhelming to realize I’d been with this man. He’d taken my virginity and stolen my love. I would do anything—absolutely anything—for him.
I started to roll his way before he lifted the drink he’d just fixed and then turned to tap his coworker on the back before handing it to her with a big, expectant grin and a flourish of his hands.
My smile falling, I slowed to a stop, unable to stop staring at the woman who took the cup from him and then sniffed at the drink before sipping tentatively. I’d forgotten all about Julianna, the coworker he’d taken on a date...a date that I’d broken up.
Oh my God, I suddenly felt like the stupidest person alive.
As Julianna nodded and gave him a thumbs-up, the two of them began to laugh, smiling and talking, completely oblivious to the rest of the bar around them. And the more I watched them, the smaller and more pathetic I felt.
I knew he wasn’t doing anything wrong. He was just interacting with a coworker, but it was still a great big horrible wake-up call to me.
This was his world, the portion I’d never been a part of. He worked here like the normal, average guy he was, had arranged dates here with beautiful, perfect women like the one he was talking to right now. And I...I knew I was his friend—his best friend—but I also knew I didn’t belong here.
I’d told him—freaking promised him—I never expected him to give up his other women just to become exclusive with me or to fall in love with me and want the real thing between us. So why the hell was I here, thinking just that had happened?
Whirling back around, I rushed for the exit, trying to control the sudden shallowness of my breathing as I fumbled to escape. Once I hit the cool night air, the breeze hitting my cheeks let me know they were wet.
Crap. I was crying. Why was I crying? I’d had the most magical night with Brandt. He’d given me everything I’d begged from him, and he’d made me feel special and cherished. I couldn’t have asked for more. So why was I upset?
I knew he hadn’t cheated on me with Julianna. And even if he had been with her, I had no right to feel crushed. I’d promised him I was fine with our night being a one-time deal. I’d promised him nothing between us would change. And even if he wanted more, wanted a real relationship where we—I don’t know—moved in together, I just...suddenly I didn’t want to do that to him.
No matter how self-reliant I tried to be, I’d never be a low-maintenance girlfriend. To any man. I had special needs, and with me, he’d always have to find the handicapped options, build the ramps, lower cabinets, alter his entire freaking life. I didn’t want him to have to adjust to that...just for me. I wanted him to be happy and as normal as possible.
I wasn’t sure why seeing him at work—with her—made all this hit me the way it did, but it really freaking sucked. And when I got home, I snuck back to my room before Reese could see me, and I bawled most of the night.
The next day, I woke to a text from Brandt. All he did was tell me good morning and say he couldn’t wait to see me again, but it made me sob through my morning shower. He really was the most amazing person I’d ever met. And he deserved the best, a woman he would walk, run, heck—dance—with. Someone who could keep up with him and take care of him as much as he took care of her. He deserved someone way better than me.
