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I blinked at her as she handed me a towel.
Maybe she was in shock. I don’t know, but this oddly sweet, and almost subservient, behavior was beginning to concern me. Just how much had I broken her?
“Thank you,” I murmured again, taking the towel and briskly drying myself. Then I wrapped the terry cloth around my waist. Meanwhile, Reese sat back down and lifted her feet up onto the seat with her so she could hug her knees to her chest and gently rock herself back and forth.
“I feel like I’m the one who had to do that with her,” she said, biting her lip as she looked up at me with big, worried eyes. “Like she tore down the most basic part of me and left the rest abused and cast off. I feel worthless and cheap, and…and used.”
Pulling my boxer briefs on under the towel, I nodded. “Yeah, that pretty much covers what it does to you.”
She shuddered and began to cry again. “And you’re okay with that?”
God, why was I doing this to her? I just wanted it to stop. Covering my face with my hand, I rasped, “Reese. I’m sor—”
“Don’t you dare apologize,” she scolded, tears streaming down her face. “I’m the one who did this to you. It’s my fault you went through this.”
What?!
“No. God, no. You didn’t. Nothing was your fault.”
Maybe I should just tell her.
I should definitely tell her.
Kneeling in front of her, I got down on her level to confess everything, but when she looked at me, the first thing she focused on was that damn hickey, reminding me there was no reason for her to actually believe me if I tried to say nothing had happened. Fuck.
“I’m sorry.” Snatching the shirt she’d picked out for me, I jerked it on, and she immediately reached for me, clutched the cloth as if it were her lifeline.
I yanked her off the toilet and sat there myself so I could tug her back down onto my lap where I wrapped my arms around her.
“It’s okay,” I assured her. “I swear to you, Reese. It wasn’t that bad. I didn’t even finish. As soon as she was done, I—”
“I don’t want details,” she screeched, horrified.
Okay. Good; I didn’t want to lie anymore, anyway. I had stupidly thought making it merely sound like a quickie round would soften the horror for her, but I had a feeling we’d reached a point where nothing I had to say about it now would help her. Not even the truth.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated. I tried to move back, give her space, but she only sobbed more and jerked me right back against her.
“It’s going to be okay.” I kissed her hair and stroked the damp strands that were currently not their usual silken-soft straightness but tangled and mussed.
She barked out an incredulous laugh. “Okay? I am so far from okay right now, I don’t even remember what okay feels like.”
Dammit. I buried my face against her neck and inhaled her sweet pea scent. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I can’t… I can’t…Why the hell did you stay? You shouldn’t have stayed to see this.”
“I don’t know. I couldn’t leave.” She burrowed closer. “Don’t make me leave.”
“Never.” I caressed her cheek with the backs of my fingers. “Tell me what to do. I’ll do it. I swear. Just tell me how to make this better.”
“It’s already done.” She fell lax against me as if drained. “The only thing left to do now is to adjust and accept. Either that or lose you forever, and that’s not even an option.”
“Are you sure?” I asked softly. “It’d probably be a lot less of a headache for you.”
She just looked at me. “I don’t care. Losing you would feel like losing a limb. You’ve become, like, a part of me.”
God, how had I gotten lucky enough to meet this girl? She was my entire world.
I tucked my face into her hair, inhaling more sweet pea to convince myself this was real, it was really happening, and Reese was mine. She thought I’d done the worst thing possible, and she had still stayed.
“I thought I loved you enough that my feelings could protect you,” I confessed. “I thought I could keep you from being hurt. Damn it, I was so sure I could spit in her face and end it for good.” But spitting on Patricia hadn’t ended shit. Our misery was still going, never ending. “I was so stupid and cocky. And you got hurt because of it.”
