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Dammit, that was the very last thing I wanted. Reese should always be happy. Life wasn’t right unless she was happy.
I hated that it was my fault that she wasn’t happy.
I hated all of this. And I hated getting a lecture from Eva for it, too.
“Don’t you think I know that?” I snarled. “It’s killing me to see her every day with all that pain in her eyes. But I don’t know how to stop it. There aren’t enough apologies on earth to make up for what happened. And there’s no way to fix it. No way to—”
“Just stop right there.” Rolling her eyes, Eva shut me up by slapping her hand over my mouth. “You’re thinking about this all wrong. Looking for forgiveness from her is not what you need, because newsflash, numbnuts: she’s already forgiven you. That’s the amazing thing about Reese. She forgives. And an even more amazing thing about her is that she moves on. Just think about it. Could you guess that her ex-boyfriend had tried to kill her and nearly succeeded just four months before you met her? No, because she has this superpower of being able to get past awful, disturbing, traumatic events. It’s all part of the beauty of who she is. She would’ve gotten past this last episode with Mrs. Garrison too, but you’re not letting her. Every time you pull away, or refuse to meet her eyes, or dodge a conversation, it kills her.”
I closed my eyes, feeling shitty. Eva was right. I was only making things worse. Covering my face with both hands, I swallowed down the panic and then blew out a breath, trying to calm myself.
“I swear to God, Eva,” I choked out miserably. “The last thing I want to do is hurt her, but I just can’t help it. God! I don’t know how to get past this. I don’t deserve her forgiveness. I don’t… How the hell do I touch something so pure and amazing when I’m so fucking filthy?”
Eva’s lashes fluttered, and I swear I saw tears of sympathy in her eyes, but no way would she ever cry for me. Then she turned away nonchalantly and picked up an apple slice, taking a bite and swallowing before wiping her mouth and clearing her throat.
“So, I’ve been reading all these new-mommy, expecting-your-first-baby articles online lately,” she started conversationally, “and they’re really cool. They go week by week through your pregnancy, telling you how big your baby is compared to a piece of fruit.” Rubbing her hand over her swollen stomach, she smiled affectionately. “Baby Girl’s about the size of a pineapple right now, by the way.”
Okay. I had no idea what to say to that, so I just waited as she went on, hoping she had a point to this.
“The advice that helped me stop freaking out the most was about dealing with all the mistakes I’m going to make as a mother… They say it’s inevitable, you know… No matter how great I want to be, I’m going to mess shit up. And I’m going to worry that I’m destroying my child’s life. But I read this thing that said as long as I love her and try to make her happy, the rest will fall into place. Discipline, temper tantrums, all of it. Instead of drowning in my mistakes, I’ll learn from them. And the more joy I bring to her life, the more I’ll bring to my own.”
Reaching out, she took my hand and squeezed.
“Are you listening to me, Mason Lowe? Just love Reese and make her happy. And when you bring joy to her life, it’ll bring joy to your life. Instead of wallowing over everything you did wrong, you’ll forgive yourself and move on from this, because making her happy is the ultimate priority. Everything else is just bullshit.”
I gripped her fingers back, appreciating everything she’d just said, even as I shook my head. “I want to do that,” I promised her. “I do. I just want to show her how much I love her and bring a smile to her face, but I…” God, this was hard to admit. “Right now, I can’t even imagine what I could do to accomplish that.”
Instead of sympathizing, Eva smiled wide. “I’ll tell you what you’re going to do. You’re going to dig out that engagement ring you have hiding in the bottom of your shirt drawer, and you’re going to propose to her. Tonight.”
“Wha…?” My mouth fell open. I sputtered a moment longer before glancing behind me to make sure Reese wasn’t listening in on us. Then I turned back to Eva and hissed, “How the hell do you know what’s in my shirt drawer?”
Eva laughed and waved an unconcerned hand. “Oh, please. If you want to hide something from your girlfriend, next time put it in a better place than you did. Reese loves wearing your shirts when you’re not here.”
She did? Shit, that was an awesome thing to learn.
“She found the ring months ago.”
Wait. What?
“She…” I shook my head, trying to process. I’d really wanted to surprise her with the ring. But now I couldn’t.
“You should’ve heard her,” Eva went on. “I’d just fallen asleep when this scream ripped through the entire apartment. I thought someone was killing her. By the time I scrambled into her room, she was dancing around and trying to put it on, but her fingers were shaking so badly she kept missing. She was so happy she was crying. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen her that ecstatic before in my life.”
My breath caught and tears filled my eyes. “She liked it?”
“Liked it? Hell, no, she didn’t like it. She freaking loved it. And FYI, Lowe, you have immaculate taste in jewelry. I mean, holy God, who knew you’d pick out such a beautiful ring? I’m seriously impressed.”
A grin exploded across my face. “Really?”
Coming from Eva Mercer, that was a true compliment right there. I remembered her back when she’d been a spoiled little rich girl, and she had liked the bling. Big-time.
“Yes,” she said, punching me merrily in the shoulder. “So dig that bad boy out and make it official already, will you? That, I know for certain, will make my ReeRee happy.”
I nodded. “Okay.” Turning away as if to go fetch the ring that instant, I faltered when reality intruded. “Wait.” I spun back to Eva. “I can’t. I still haven’t planned the perfect proposal yet. I keep thinking I need to take her to a fancy restaurant and somehow have the waiter bring it out with her food, or—”
“Don’t you dare be so cliché. This is Reese we’re talking about. She’d prefer something simple, yet private, just between the two of you. Maybe a picnic—oh, hey. She loves that park across the street as much as I do. There’s this big-ass tree by the lake. You could spread a blanket out under it, feed a couple of the ducks, eat a romantic little snack, and then, you know…do your thing.”
From that point on, our conversation became a blur. I freaked out, excited yet nervous, wondering if this would really work, if this could actually fix the distance I’d pushed between Reese and me. But Eva just coached me through my nerves.
