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She asked me if I was okay, and I wanted to tell her that I was so far from okay it wasn’t even funny. But I mumbled something about being fine. Not sure exactly what I said, except it didn’t seem to reassure her. Obvi
ously, conversational skills weren’t my strong suit just then. Her presence was throwing me all out of whack. No one had ever alarmed me the way she did.
Realizing just how much of an ass I was being, I reached down and grabbed the last of her books from the floor and handed them over to redeem myself a little, but also to speed this uncomfortable encounter along and stop the torture of wanting something I knew I could never have. Then I slid into a chair to let her pass and leave the room. When she did, this sweet flowering scent drifted by, and I had to grab the edge of my desk to keep from going insane.
Stay away from that girl, I chanted over and over again in my head. That way was full of problems. I was trying to untangle my life from problems. So stay away from that girl.
I couldn’t tell you a damn thing I learned in calculus that hour.
By four in the afternoon, my brain hurt. Thinking about her was honestly that exhausting. Or maybe I’d signed myself up for too much by taking on six classes in one day. My professor in each one seemed to think their course should be the center of my universe for the rest of the semester, and there was no way that was happening.
It was a good thing I’d talked Landon into switching me out of my shift tonight, not only because Mom was working and I needed to watch Sarah, but I probably would’ve been worthless at the Country Club parking cars with my head as fucked up as it was.
When I walked in the back door, Mom seemed antsy and eager to go. She had her purse over her shoulder and was checking something on her phone as if waiting for me.
“Hey,” I said, blinking at her. “Leaving already? I thought you didn’t need to be at the diner until five.”
“I don’t but I want to run an errand first.” She hurried out the door before explaining what her errand was.
“Okay, then,” I said to the empty kitchen. “Bye.” A second later, my phone beeped.
Everything inside me tensed, hoping it wasn’t a client. The last thing I wanted to do tonight was some demanding woman who wanted me to act as if she were the center of my universe too.
But it wasn’t a client, thank God. It was my mother.
Mom: Forgot to tell you. New sitter starts Wednesday.
I scowled, hoping she’d told whoever had taken the job about Sarah’s special needs. Hell, I hoped she’d even screened the applicant at all. We’d been lucky with the last evening sitter Mom had hired, but I didn’t trust just anyone with my sister.
Speaking of which, I wondered how her first day of school had gone.
When I entered the living room, Mom had put on Hawaii Five-0 for her to watch again. “That show’s going to rot your brain,” I told her as I plopped down next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders so I could tug her right up against my side. Her body twitched and shuddered under my touch, but she was still able to rest her cheek against my shoulder.
“Don’t care,” she mumbled. “I love it.”
Smiling, I kissed her hair. “Then brain rot is worth it, I guess. Hey, how was your first day? Mine sucked ass. I already have freaking homework to do in three classes. Can you believe that?”
She looked up at me, and the seriousness in her gaze freaked me out. “What?” I asked, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “What’s wrong? Did you and Mom—”
“No,” she said, “Mom’s fine.” Then she looked down, and I knew it was school-related, but not a problem with actual classwork. Sarah never had a problem with grades. She was as smart as they came. But she always had a problem with other students.
Dammit, was she already getting picked on? On the first fucking day of school?
I was about to kick some twelve-year-old ass.
When she finally relented and told me about a slumber party Bridget—this girl in her class—was having on Wednesday to celebrate the beginning of the year, she looked as if her dog had just died when she admitted, “I don’t think I’ll be invited.”
“Of course you’ll be invited,” I started, even though I knew I shouldn’t push false hope on her because odds were, she wouldn’t be invited. She never was.
When she just gave me the look, I sighed. “I’ll tell you what. Let’s go grocery shopping, and I’ll buy you ice cream on the way home. Sound good to you? Then you’ll be so happy and stuffed you won’t even care who Bridget does or doesn’t invite to her stupid party.”
Glancing away, she shrugged, mumbling, “Okay. I guess.”
“Hey, listen.” Pulling her even closer, I pressed my forehead to hers. “I love you, kiddo. I love you more than anyone else on the entire planet. And that’s not just because you’re related and I have to. There’s no rule that says you have to love your annoying little sister. I love you because you’re the most wonderful, caring, sweetest girl I’ve ever met. And when someone else is finally willing to get to know the real you, they won’t be able to help but love you as much as I do, too. It’s not going to be easy to find that person, but when you do, it’s going to be worth the wait. So don’t worry about wasting your time with popularity contests and the shallow Bridgets of the world when you have something deeper and more meaningful headed your way. It’s coming. I know it is. Just be patient. Okay? It’ll be worth it in the end.”
Tears filled her lashes as she stared up at me and bobbed her head. “Okay,” she said.
I smiled tenderly and kissed her hair one more time. “That’s the spirit. Now let’s go grocery shopping. I’m starving.”
