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She broke away from him with a gasp. "I can’t do this. I’m sorry, Drew. I can’t—"
"No, shh," he cut in, cupping her face in his hands. "It’s okay. You don’t have to do anything." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "It’s okay," he murmured again. Then he pulled back just enough to hover over her. "We won’t do anything else."
"But I want to," she sobbed. Tears tracked down her cheeks. "I want to so bad. Then again, I don’t want to either. I just can’t move on."
Lifting her face, she showed her anxious expression. "What if Lexie’s up in Heaven right now, looking down on me and seeing me like this? What if she thinks I’ve forgotten about her, that I don’t care if she’s gone or not? What if she thinks my time with her never meant anything? If I’m so blasé about moving on that I’ll just go off and live happily ever after with the first guy who—"
"Mia." He took her arms. When she shook her head, he pulled her against him and hugged her hard. She remained stiff in his arms even as she buried her face in his chest.
"I just can’t let go," she whispered.
"You’re not letting her go," he assured. "You’re … you’re reassuring her."
"What?" She lifted her face and he reached out to brush away the wet tracks down her cheeks.
"If she’s up there in Heaven, looking down on you, I’d say she’s worried right about now."
"Because I’m with you?" she asked, looking worried.
He shook his head. "Because you’re so sad." Pressing his forehead against her, he murmured, "Your daughter loved you, Mia. She would hate to see you upset like this. She would hate to see you miserable."
"I don’t want to hurt anymore," she admitted weakly, sagging against him and letting him support her weight. He did, gladly.
"I know," he said, wiping her hair out of her eyes. "I know, baby."
When he sniffed, she lifted her face in surprise. "You’re crying."
Glancing away uneasily, he said, "So are you."
"But—"
"I don’t like seeing you suffer like this," he admitted. "I wish I could do something—say something—to help you. I mean, if I thought stepping back and letting you go would honestly make you happier, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I’d back away from you. But I don’t know anyone else that needs to be happy as much as you do. You don’t have to feel guilty about being with me. I bet Lexie is probably thinking it’s about time you started looking after yourself again."
Licking her lips, Mia said, "If … if I said okay, let’s try this, would you … I mean, would you stop at any time. Even if we were—"
"Mia, it’s okay," he said. "We don’t have to do anything. You’re not ready—"
"But I am." She ground her teeth because she was so frustrated. "I want to be ready so bad, Drew. I just want the pain to stop."
"It will," he assured her. "Someday, it’ll get better. Might take a while though."
It already felt like it had taken forever.
"You don’t ever have to worry about this kind of stuff between us. We can always stop … any time you need to. I don’t want you to feel any kind of pressure."
Whether he wanted it or not, she was already pressured. Her heart wanted everything with him and her head was freaking out over things she shouldn’t even be thinking about.
Looking up at him, she touched his face and asked, "Would you keep going if I asked you to?"
His smile was genuine. Pressing his forehead to hers, he chuckled. "I think that answer’s obvious. Whenever you’re ready, I’m definitely your guy."
Tears clogged her lashes and she realized how much she loved him.
Chapter Sixteen
Drew woke warm and content. And starving. After tugging on a shirt and some shorts, he padded barefoot down the stairs and through a few parlors toward the kitchen. But in his office area, he heard the answering machine beep on his business line.
Curious as to who’d called so late last night—so late he’d been too tired to come downstairs and answer his phone—he paused and pushed play.
