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He was everything I’d ever wanted.
But the most crushing part of it all was the realization that this was Beck. Beck! The stumbling drunk I’d first assumed was nothing but a preppy frat boy, who had then turned into a broken man, which further transformed into…into the one person I somehow needed the most right now. How had he converted from all that into the very image of my ideal dream?
It frankly scared me. Dreams weren’t real. They were something to joke about, like calling Chance—the bastard—my soulmate for that whole year before I’d actually met him. I’d known he would never became a reality because it’d only been a dream.
But the reality of Beck seemed to be turning into an unobtainable dream right before my eyes. I wanted to run to him and claw away his sexy country clothes and shout no, tell him to stop. He needed to stay the guy I could talk to, the boy whose panic attacks only I could stop, the friend who could sit on my bed with me and talk about anything with or text to for hours into the night.
It was as if I could already feel that person slipping away.
Finished cleaning out Lula Bell’s stall, Beck led her inside before removing her bridle and shutting her door. He remained unaware of my presen
ce as he lifted the handles of the wheelbarrow and began to roll it out the opposite opening of the barn from where I stood.
I began to back away. For some reason, this all suddenly felt like a horrible awful mistake. What the hell was I doing?
Forget thinking he needed me, I’d come because I’d needed him, because I missed him. And that was all wrong. Nothing could ever happen between us. I was crazy for ever thinking it might.
Because, pfft. Me? Really? It was laughable to even let myself imagine it. No one had ever wanted me like that. No one ever would.
Even if I did receive anything form Beckett, it wouldn’t be real. He’d only feel obligated to reciprocate because I’d helped him out of a bad spot. He’d never really feel for me what I felt for him.
I began to hurry toward my car, hoping he didn’t notice me leaving. I’d just cleared the barn and was still a good thirty yards from my vehicle, when I glanced over and saw him across the way.
He’d just spotted my car and was jerking to a stop, the wheelbarrow still held in his grip. His gaze swept from one way to the other until he finally spotted me. Then the handles dropped from his gloved hands and bits of hay and manure jostled from the cart as it knocked roughly back to earth. His boots ate up ground as he hurried my way.
I didn’t move to greet him, paralyzed in my shoes. I just stood there, gaping, not sure what to do, my heart racing and breaths heaving.
The same moment he came close enough for me to make out the huge grin on his face, he cried, “Bailey? Holy shit, it’s really you.” He yanked off his gloves and tossed them down as he jogged the last few steps to me.
He reached me sooner than I was ready for, and shocked the crap out of me when he laughed and swept me up in a huge hug that lifted me off the ground and spun me around.
“Oh my God,” he breathed into my hair, smashing my breasts against his hard chest as the smell of leather and horses and Beck swelled around me. “I can’t believe this. What’re you doing here? You still have finals next week.”
“I…I was able to get everything finished this week,” I lied breathlessly as he set me back on my feet and took a step in reverse so he could sweep his gaze over me.
“But what about work?” he pressed, his amazing electric blue eyes returning to my face as his grin stretched wider. “I thought you said your boss was going to work you most of your winter break.”
I shrugged and glanced over his shoulder toward the barn. “I wanted…I just wanted to stop in for the weekend and see how things were going.”
When I turned back to him, he gave a delighted laugh. “Well, things are great, even better now that you’re here.” He reached out to grab my hand, physically keeping me from fleeing, not that he had any clue I was scared to death and wanted to run away. Shaking his head, he murmured, “I still can’t believe you’re here. I love this. Best surprise ever.” His grin lit with eagerness. “I have so much to show you. Come see.”
As he proceeded to lead me across the driveway toward the field, I gazed at him in amazed confusion. He still looked like Beck, though all the bruises and cuts had healed. He still sounded like Beck. But he didn’t smile or talk or even walk like Beck.
This guy was so enthusiastic and vibrant and—
I shook my head in wonder. A person never would’ve guessed he’d been tempted by pain pills less than a month ago.
“I started a project in college that I never got to finish,” he told me as we walked, completely oblivious to my shock, “but your dad said I could have a little plot here and start experimenting come springtime.”
His excitement was so contagious my own heart began to race, even though I was clueless as to what he was talking about. “Experiment with what?” I asked slowly.
“Seeds.” Then he laughed at himself as if he knew that answer made no sense. “I want to cross some organic-based mixtures and try to come up with a new hybrid breed. Just imagine it: heartier-growing plants that’ll withstand both drought and flood but also contain more mineral-based nutrients, so they’ll provide a healthier stock for consumers.”
“Sounds like the best of both worlds.”
Such a seed sounded like, well, him. Too good to be true.
His proud, eager grin stretched. “I know, right? It would be an awesome breakthrough.”
