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“I know what it feels like to be stuck in a life you didn’t choose,” I said. “So why would I wish that on anyone else? You should get to decide who you love, not some tattoo on the side of your head. And besides, Allera told me you suffered, that the unrequited part of the bond you feel toward me… That it hurts you.”
Anger creased his features. “She shouldn’t have told you that.”
“But she did.” I stepped closer to him. “And I don’t like the idea that you… That I cause you pain, that I cause anyone pain. Especially after you just stood there and pretty much pledged your life to me, after…after you saved me from death and they beat you for it. You shouldn’t have been treated like that. Certainly there’s something that can be done to break the bond, or…or, I don’t know, sever these feelings you feel. Because you can’t just suffer for the rest of your life because of me. I don’t accept that.”
He looked pleased by my tirade. A small smile tipped his lips as he slid his head to the side, studying me. “There’s only one way I can think to ease the suffering.”
“Well?” I demanded, flinging out a hand and urging him to keep talking. “What is it, then?”
“If you were willing to forsake your husband and be with me.” When I gasped in outrage, he smiled sadly. “But I’ll take that as a no.”
My eyes flared open wide. “I… I… Of course it’s a no! Why in God’s name would I do that? I don’t know you. Besides, even if I did and I wanted to, you know, forsake my husband, I made a vow. We have a child together. My duty to my country, my family, Soren… I can’t just—”
“I know,” Urban said softly, closing his eyes and bowing his head. “I know. And that is why I’ve stayed away. I respect your binding sense of honor and loyalty, and I would never try to tempt you away from the vows you hold dear.”
I gaped at him, not sure if I could believe what I was truly hearing. No one had been so thoughtful or selflessly respectful of my wishes before. It made me regret… Well, most things about my life. My husband for one, who never seemed to care what I thought or how I felt. Yet this complete stranger—
Not that his respect toward me made any difference about anything. Which only made the regretful ache burn hotter.
A tear trickled down my cheek. “And so you should just keep hurting because of my wishes? That doesn’t seem right either.”
“That’s my cross to bear, my lady. Not yours. Stop worrying about me.”
“Easier said than done,” I muttered, throwing up my hands in disgust. “You say you want my happiness, but how can I possibly be happy, knowing I cause someone—anyone—pain every day I exist?”
Shaking his head as if our problem was easily solved, he said, “Then spend time with me.”
I could only blink at him, stumbling over my own thoughts before I lurched a step back, stuttering, “I just told you, I refuse to leave my—”
“Not like that,” he said, shaking his head. “Though I certainly wouldn’t refuse it if you ever changed your mind and left him.”
Curious, I asked, “Like what, then?”
He stepped closer, his eyes seeking. When his gaze landed on the butterfly barrette in my hair, his lips smoothed in a smile. “You wore your hair down today.”
“I…” I blinked, remembering my dream and how he’d told me he’d never seen my hair down before. Gulping, I shook my head in denial, refusing to admit I had subconsciously left my hair down today…for him.
“The thing is,” he started, shifted his gaze from my hair to my eyes. “I crave you. In every way possible.”
My mouth fell open as he quoted the very words he’d said to me in the dream. Blinking, I stared at him as he seemed to shift closer without moving a single step.
Belly heating and breasts tingling, I sucked in a breath. “Ex-excuse me?”
There was no way he knew what I’d dreamed about.
Was there?
Desire swirled in his gaze as he scanned me from head to toe. “Every. Way,” he whispered.
Oh dear God. I suddenly felt naked and exposed before him. There was plenty of air between us, and yet it felt like there was none. His stare alone was the most physical, personal caress I’d ever experienced.
It had to be wrong. Forbidden. I jumped, frightened by the force of my own temptation.
“I…I shouldn’t be alone here with you. I should go.” I turned robotically and started to move away, only for his arm to appear in front of me as he set his hand against the wall, once again echoing the dream as he trapped me with his body without actually touching me.
The heat coming off him was fierce. And his smell… Oh Lord, I closed my eyes as I drew in the dizzying, heavenly aroma he emanated. He smelled just as he had in the dream.
“I crave you in every way possible,” he repeated in my ear, making me shiver, “but I know some ways will never happen. Some ways I want you are too forbidden to even name. But those ways could be appeased if I had you in other ways, platonic ways… Ways even your husband would deem appropriate.”
