Page 13 of The Color of Grace


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“And, come on. You’re even transferring schools so she could get married,” Bridget spoke up.

Exactly. See, my best friends got it. Why hadn’t my own mother?

“Ask her again if you can stay at Hillsburg,” Schy ordered.

At that moment, my friends’ proposal sounded brilliant. I was no longer concerned about sacrificing myself for someone so ungrateful. And I’d never wanted to attend Southeast anyway. I loathed the very idea with a burning passion. Every time I thought about what would happen when I saw Ryder Yates again, I started breathing all funny with these strange, wheezing pants. And that happened from merely thinking about it. When it happened for real, I’d probably just pass out cold at the guy’s feet.

After thanking my pals for their support, I logged off and searched the house for my mom.

I found her in the master bathroom. She stood in front of the long vanity that stretched across the length of the wall. Something ancient reflected in her eyes as she studied her own image. Smoothing age-defying lotion over her neck and upper chest, she swirled her fingers in a sad, slow rhythm over the pale flesh where the faint traces of wrinkles were beginning to sag. It confirmed my jealousy suspicions. She was probably feeling self-conscious because Barry hadn’t given her anything sparkly to wrap around her own wrinkly, old throat.

Then she let out a sigh and wiped at the corner of her eye, and it struck me. I mean really struck me.

She hurt.

What a strange sensation to realize my mother was a person too, a true-life human with feelings, not just someone who existed purely to care and provide for me. My mom possessed the same imperfect, human emotions I did: jealousy, insecurity, weakness, pain.

Her weary, depleted manner made me pause. It reminded me this was all just as new for her as it was for me. She hadn’t been married to anyone for thirteen years. And she hadn’t known her new husband all that long. There was no worn, comfortable routine to her life, just like there was none in mine. She was going through her own firsts and fears. It would take time for each of us to adjust and adapt.

I moved back a step to leave her alone, but she caught sight of me in the mirror and whirled around.

“Grace,” she gasped, her cheeks flushing as if she’d been caught robbing a bank instead of putting on lotion.

Since we were already facing off and I still did not want to attend Southeast, I decided to bring up the matter anyway, though the insight into her had calmed me enough to use a softer voice when I asked, “Are you sure there’s no way I can’t keep attending Hillsburg?”

She sighed, gritting her teeth and narrowing her eyes into slits. With her jaw clamped the way it was, the words growled their way from her throat. “You’re not going to bring that up again, are you?”

> Well, yeah. I thought I just had.

“I can find a part time job on the weekends and pay Adam and Schy for gas money to come pick me up every day.”

“Grace, you’re already enrolled in Southeast and are starting there in the morning.”

“But—”

“No. This isn’t up for re-discussion.”

I stomped my foot. “Mom, you’re not even listening.”

From then on, I lost my grasp on everything I’d been feeling only seconds earlier. All the insight I’d caught into her psyche, the understanding connection, it all vanished and floated off as if I hadn’t even experienced it.

“You’re the one that isn’t listening, Grace. I said no, and that’s final.”

Balling my hands down at my sides, I allowed myself to envision letting that fist fly. But a deep breath later, I calmed and settled for a killer glare. Whirling away, I stomped toward the doorway of her and Barry’s bedroom until I saw him standing in the doorway, watching us. His gaze held sympathy and regret.

I faltered since it’d be rude to bulldoze over the innocent bystander.

He shifted his gaze to my mom. “Kate, maybe she should stay at Hillsburg. She’s used to it and—”

“Don’t even start with me, Barry.”

I glanced back at my mom in time to catch the look she sent him. It wasn’t something a new bride should be shooting her new husband. But it caused Barry to lift his hands and back out of the doorway. In the next second, he disappeared.

“Way to go,” I muttered. “Lose him before you’re even married two months.”

Without waiting around to catch her response, I flounced from the room and went straight to my own domain. Shutting myself inside, I told my friends Hillsburg was a definite no-go. For the next hour or so, I let them console me.

When mom dropped by to warn me I should turn in because the next day was going to be a big one—I needed a good night’s rest—I snarled something like, “Christmas is a big day. My birthday or graduation is a big day. I thought tomorrow was just any other day.”

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