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“There was,” Zack confirmed. “I saw it. Cum was smeared everywhere.”
“Just what the fuck were you doing there?” J.J. charged, whirling to pin Zack with an accusative glare.
Zack flushed. Then he ducked his face. “I, uh, I was at the party.”
“You went to one of Topher fucking Nicholl’s parties? Are you kidding me right now?”
“What? A girl I’m chasing wanted to go.”
“Oh Jesus. It’s always because of a girl, isn’t it?” When he sent a condemnatory glance my way, Wick stepped between us and sent him a warning glare.
“Watch it.”
A very bitter, resentful expression crossed J.J.’s face before he turned back to the others. “Okay. So they fucked on Nicholl’s bed. Then what?”
“Except that’s all wrong,” I cut in.
“Fine. You go ahead and tell the story,” Arlo grumbled.
“You know what, I will,” I shot back, scowling at him. “Since I was actually there.” When he clamped his mouth shut, I turned back to J.J. “I wanted to get back at Topher.”
“Yeah, so you fucked his archenemy on his bed. I got that part.”
“No,” I growled. “I didn’t. Wick and I have never had sex. Ever! It was all a setup.”
J.J. squinted. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“But I actually saw the condom,” Zach repeated.
“Yeah, okay, so about that,” I started and sucked my bottom lip in between my teeth. “I’ll back up a little more and tell the story from the very beginning, I guess.”
José returned to the living room with a bag of frozen corn, demanding, “What’d I miss?”
As Wick snagged the bag from him and brought it over to kneel in front of me, J.J. waved an irritated hand. “Nothing yet. We’re still trying to determine if Web and little Miss Don’t-call-me-that screwed on Nicholl’s bed or not.”
I glanced at Wick questionably as he gently pressed the pack to my cheek. When he shrugged, granting me permission to spill whatever I wanted to his friends, I lifted my hand to cover his in order to take control of holding the bag of corn. Our fingers brushed gently past each other as he slowly retracted his fingers.
Then I focused on the others. They were gaping at us as if we were putting on a porn show or something.
Clearing my throat, I said, “Did you know flour and water makes awful fake semen? Glue and water aren’t much better. Glue and laundry detergent, however, is probably the closest match, but it’s still not quite…authentic enough.”
The other four exchanged really confused glances with each other. “What the hell is she talking about?” Arlo finally asked.
That’s when the big guy—Bear is the only name I ever heard him called—spoke up for the first time. “I think she’s trying to say the condom everyone saw on Nicholl’s bed didn’t have real cum in it.”
I pointed at him. “Yes. That. You see, I wanted to hurt Topher,” I explained. “And pay him back for everything he’s ever done to me. It was stupid and immature and… I’m sorry, okay, but I just… With every breath of air in my lungs, I wanted him to feel how much I hated him. And Wick had already made it explicitly clear that he didn’t want to be part of my plan, so I tried to leave him out of it completely and just…you know…make it look as if I’d slept with someone—anyone—on Topher’s bed to drive him crazy. Except I couldn’t make good enough fake semen, and Wick came home in the middle of my frustrations, and I don’t know, the craziest idea just came to me. He could make the real stuff. So I… I asked him to provide me with a legitimately used condom.”
“Wait. What?” Zack blurted. “So it was real jizz.”
“Yeah,” I answered. “It just didn’t come from Wick and me having sex together.”
All of Wick’s friends turned to stare at him in dumbfounded confusion.
“I don’t understand,” José said just as J.J. exploded, “Dude. You jacked off into a condom for this chick?”
“Oh,” José gasped, only to frown. “Wait. What?”
“I was very persuasive in talking him into it,” I tried to explain, hoping Wick’s friends would stop looking at him as if he’d lost his mind. I even flashed my innocent, please-don’t-hate-me grin as I reached out and stroked Wick’s arm, hoping to make him look less maniacal. “I talked him into it by agreeing to do all the cat chores—you know, feeding and cleaning her litter box and making sure she gets her monthly flea treatment—for, like, the rest of eternity.”
