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“Yeah. You know… If I wanted to stop, he’d call me a cock teaser, or tell me I was being cruel and hurting him for leading him on so far. Or that I should want to be with him because we were in love and…well, you know…”
Actually, no, I didn’t know. None of what she described sounded like anything I’d ever done or said to a girl.
Because seriously, what kind of loser asshat would resort to guilt-tripping and forcing someone to feel as if they had to sleep with you?
“I’m going to snap his fucking neck,” I uttered, still unable to believe what I was hearing.
The bastard had honestly conditioned her into thinking she couldn’t stop once she’d gone so far with a guy.
Fuck, I was going to make it hurt when I broke every bone in his body.
“No! Wait.” She leaped forward and grabbed my arm as if she feared I was going to hop out of bed that very moment and seek her ex out. “You don’t…please, don’t. Don’t say anything to anyone about this. This is my fault. I shouldn’t have—”
“Will you stop apologizing to me,” I exploded. “Of course I won’t spread this around. And besides, you didn’t do anything wrong. Absolutely nothing.”
“But I did. I came in here in the first place. And I shouldn’t have done that. I…he…Topher said some things to me tonight. Things I didn’t tell you about earlier. And it… It just got to me, that’s all.”
“Things like what?”
She turned her head to the side. I could practically feel her blush. “Oh, you know, embarrassing, humiliating, intimate stuff, like the reason he had to resort to other women was because I… I was so bad at it.”
“Gee, I wonder why you wouldn’t be full of passion and constantly craving it if he was always fucking guilt-tripping you into sleeping with him in the first place. What a douche.”
“No. He’s… I mean, he had a point. I rarely ever came for him, and—”
“Again, that’s probably because he made you feel like shit to get you into bed, to begin with. How could that honestly turn a girl on?”
I blinked and waited for her to see my point and agree with me. When she said nothing, just seemed to huddle deeper into my blankets, I snorted.
“This is ridiculous. Don’t let him get into your head like that. He did not fuck around on you because you were bad at it. You just woke me from a dead sleep and still managed to turn me on hotter and faster than anyone ever has. If he says you’re bad, he’s a goddamn liar, which—oh, newsflash—he is. The only reason he ever went to other women was because of his ego. Cheating is a power trip for him, and sadly, it has nothing whatsoever to do with you or anything you might’ve done wrong in the bedroom. He could’ve had awesome, wonderful sex with you if he’d ever bothered to put the effort in, if he’d just thought about what you wanted. God, I cannot believe him. That pathetic dipshit turned everything around on you. I just want to—fuck. I hate that guy. I hate him so much.”
I ran a hand through my hair and then gripped the locks in an effort to ease some of the rage flowing through me.
On the other side of the mattress, Haven shrugged. “It doesn’t really matter if he was lying or not. I still shouldn’t have come in here. I did it for all the wrong reasons, to prove I wasn’t awful at it, to show him he was wrong, to convince myself I wasn’t as pathetic as he made me feel, to hurt him by sleeping with his enemy.”
“Haven,” I started on a patient sigh. “It’s okay. You don’t have to—”
“No,” she cut in harshly. “It’s not okay. Don’t you see? I didn’t come in here because of you at all. You could’ve been anyone to me. I made you a…a tool. For revenge. This was all because of him. I was just going to use you while thinking about him. And that… That is not okay with me.”
Ouch.
Alright, even I had to agree she had a point there. The last thing I’d ever want from any woman was for her to think about Topher Nicholl while I was inside her.
“You don’t deserve that,” she went on emphatically. “You’ve been nothing but nice to me. You deserve… You deserve someone who’s so into you that nothing and no one else even registers in her head, that all she can focus on is how amazing you are. Because you are. You are like amazing incarnate, and you should not be used.”
Clearing my throat, I glanced away, thinking about such a possibility, where a girl—okay, not just any girl, but Haven—was so into me that all she wanted was me.
My gut burned. Blowing out a breath, I wiped a hand over my face. “Well… I guess… Thank you for deciding not to use me like that while thinking about him. But…” I shook my head and winced. “I should take some of the blame here. I knew you weren’t in a good place to be doing what you were doing. I never should’ve let you go that far. I should’ve stopped you long before you stopped yourself. I’m sorry. I just…well, you were really persuasive, especially with your hand wrapped around my dick.”
Damn. Just thinking about those soft warm fingers on me caused a pulse of pure pleasure to ricochet through my junk. I shuddered and shook my head, trying to ignore how stirred up I was getting again.
On the other side of the bed, however, Haven blurted out a laugh, totally past any and all passion she’d felt, only to cover her mouth. “Sorry, I know I shouldn’t laugh about that.”
I splayed out a hand. “Go ahead. Laugh it up. Just don’t laugh about that fact that it was so dark in here I still haven’t gotten to see your boobs yet. Because that shit’s just tragic.”
“Oh, man, poor you,” she said, sounding honestly sympathetic. She even clucked her tongue before adding, “But you got to feel them, so that’s gotta be a plus, right?”
“No.” I shook my head. “Actually, that just made the craving worse. Honestly, I’m thinking that feeling them entitles me to at least a quick peek.” I shrugged. “Just saying.”
