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A small sigh escaped her before she guessed, “You’re a neat freak, aren’t you?”
That still didn’t sound like it was a good thing from the way she said it, so I quietly answered, “No.”
Lucy sniffed and rolled her eyes. “Liar,” she charged with a grin before adding, “Seriously, Vaughn. You do know you don’t have to bring gifts or clean or do anything helpful whenever you come to see Ava, right? You can just...come see her.”
“I know,” I murmured since I knew that was what she wanted to hear, even though it still felt wrong to just drop by without doing something.
The microwave beeped, so I went to check the temperature of her food. Since it seemed cold, I nuked it longer.
“If you keep being so freaking helpful,” Lucy insisted from behind me. “I’m probably going to end up accidentally taking advantage of your kind, giving nature.”
I found a cup in the cabinet for her water and pulled it down, shrugging. “You might as well. That’s why I’m here.”
Lucy said nothing until I carried her drink to the table and set it in front of her. Looking up at me, her blue eyes were big with worry. “I don’t want to get too dependent on you. On anyone, honestly. You have a life you’re going to have to eventually return to, you know.”
I made a face and answered, “Not really. My life was taking care of Duke, and I failed at that, so…”
Her eyes flared. “You didn’t fail.”
The microwave beeped again. I left her there and hurried to check the temperature once more. It seemed sufficiently warm now, so I carried it to the table with some nearby potholders, and I set the plate on the table before her.
I’m not sure how it was possible, but I swear her stare looked even more concerned than before, so I cleared my throat and forced out a hard smile. “The least I can do for him now is make sure his daughter gets whatever she needs, which by extension, includes you.”
She sighed sadly and glanced down at Ava before looking up again. “You didn’t fail him, you know. Duke… He…” After blowing out a long breath, she started again. “I always used to wonder how he could be so cavalier about his condition. He goofed off constantly, never took anything seriously, and just did whatever he felt like doing. It boggled my mind how he could be so unconcerned when there had to be tons that he could’ve been worried about. But now I know why. You’re the one who took care of all that for him, didn’t you? You shouldered the heavy load so he could be exactly the way he wanted to be. And he was, you know. He was able to live exactly how he wanted to live...thanks to you.” Shaking her head, she sent me an affectionate smile. “I would never call that a failure.”
Heaving out a weighted breath, I slumped into a chair on the side of the table and wondered if she was right. Had I been able to help Duke in that way, at least?
I hoped so.
“You did your job,” Lucy affirmed softly. “And Ava’s doing okay. So I think you can focus on yourself now. Alright?”
I didn’t answer that one. I couldn’t. I didn’t even know how to respond.
Instead, I focused on the meal her family had brought us. Then I prepared my own plate and took it to the microwave to heat.
As I leaned against the counter, waiting, Lucy’s silverware clinked from the table as she scooped up her first bite.
“You dropped out of college to take care of him, didn’t you?” she finally asked, waving her fork in my direction. “What area were you studying then?”
“Finance,” I said as I watched her take another bite. “Math’s always been one of the easier subjects for me.”
Lucy nodded and chewed before she followed up with, “You ever think of going back and trying to get that degree now that—”
When she paused, and her face went blank, I prodded, “Now that what? Now that I’m free? Now that I’m no longer tied down with taking care of my dying brother?” With a snort, I glanced away. “I think I’d rather have him back. I’d give up all my fucking freedom just to—”
Realizing my emotions were too close to the surface, I squeezed my eyes shut and bowed my head. “Sorry. I—”
“No, no, it’s fine,” Lucy quickly assured. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I didn’t mean to… God, Vaughn. I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize.” With a sigh, I pulled myself back together and looked up. Lucy’s gaze was open with
worry. The microwave beeped behind me, but I ignored it.
“There have been so many times over the years that I’ve wanted to do something and couldn’t because I had to think about Duke first. And now, suddenly my schedule is completely open, and all that shit I wanted before suddenly just seems so wrong. And selfish.” Hissing out a breath, I shook my head miserably. “Sometimes, I can’t help but wonder if I wished this to happen by wanting a bit more freedom, and it makes me panic.” I glanced at her for help. “I mean, what if I—”
“No,” Lucy cut in, her voice stern. “You absolutely did not cause this.”
“But—”
