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I believe the dead have voice and inhabit the earth as surely as we do. I believe they speak in our dreams or inside the sound of rain or even in the static of a telephone call, on the other side of which there is no caller. But Bootsie did not speak to me, and I felt an intolerable sense of guilt about the affair I had embarked upon with Molly Boyle.
I not only felt I had betrayed Bootsie, I could no longer deny I was creating scandal for Molly as well as for my church. My rationalizations of my behavior left me exhausted in the morning and agitated during the day.
"What should I do, Boots?" I said.
But there was no answer. On another occasion when I had visited her grave, I had seen two brown pelicans floating on the bayou, farther inland than I had seen pelicans since my childhood. On that day Bootsie had spoken to me. Her voice and her presence were as real as if she had sat beside me, clasped my hand, and looked directly into my face. She said that one day the pelicans would return to Bayou Teche, that hope was indeed eternal, and the world was still a grand place in which to live.
But the wings I had heard earlier were those of bats and the only sound in the cemetery was music from a jukebox in a neon-scrolled bar across the Teche. An evil man once told me that hell is a place that has no boundaries, a place that you carry with you wherever you go. A puff of wind blew out the candle burning on Bootsie's tomb. I could hear the blood roaring in my ears as I walked across the drawbridge toward the town square. The hammering sound in my ears was almost as loud as the music and the shouts of the revelers as I pushed open the door of the bar and went inside.
chapter FIFTEEN
Friday morning I kept myself buried in the case file of the Baton Rouge serial killer. The street outside was blown with leaves and pieces of newspaper, the clouds swollen with rain. I heard a trash can bounce violently across the asphalt, then freight cars slam together on the train track. I picked up the coffee mug from my desk and drank from it, all my movements precise, like a man seated on the deck of a pitching ship, unsure of what might befall him in the next few seconds. My mouth was dry, and no amount of liquid could lessen the level of dehydration in my body. My right hand trembled as I tried to make notes on the death of Holly Blankenship.
Helen opened my office door without knocking and sat on the corner of my desk, which was the only place she ever sat in my office. "Looks like you nicked up your face this morning," she said.
"I think I had a defective blade in my razor," I said. I placed a breath mint in my mouth and cracked it between my molars, my eyes straight ahead.
"Mack Bertrand says you had him make casts of some footprints under your bedroom window," she said.
"There may have been a Peeping Tom in the neighborhood."
I could feel her eyes dissecting my face. "Would you explain why Mack should spend his time on a Peeping Tom?"
"The Blankenship kid was the eighth known victim of the Baton Rouge killer. She died after I interviewed her. Maybe I know the serial killer. Maybe he was following me."
"I think we're leaving something out of the story, here. Was somebody with you the night the Peeping Tom was at your window?"
"I'm just not going to answer a question like that," I said.
"Right," she said. She snuffed down in her nose. "You don't look too good."
"I've got a touch of stomach flu or something," I replied.
She placed her hand on top of mine and pressed it against the desk blotter. "I love you, Pops. Don't make me hurt you," she said.
At lunchtime I ate a bowl of gumbo at Victor's, then threw up in the bathroom. By midafternoon I was sweating, my teeth rattling, the sky outside black and bursting with trees of electricity. I ate six aspirin and washed them down with ice water from the cooler but got no relief. I finally forced myself to call my old AA sponsor, an ex-convict and former barroom owner by the name of Tee Neg. "I had a slip," I said.
"You ain't talking about a dry drunk, you? You actually done it?" he said.
"Last night, in St. Martinville. I was in the cemetery. I don't remember getting home."
"I ain't interested in blow-by-blow. Where you at now?"
"I'm com
ing apart."
"I ain't axed you that."
"At the sheriff's department."
"Good. You keep your ass there, you. I'm heading into town."
"No, that's not necessary. Tee Neg, did you hear me?"
But he had already hung up. I swallowed, already envisioning his arrival and the hours if not days of abstinence before my metabolism would have any semblance of normalcy.
Some people say you pick up the dirty boogie where you left it off. Others say you pick it up where you would have been had you never gotten off it. I signed out of the office before Tee Neg arrived and drove through a blinding rainstorm to a bar in the Atchafalaya Basin, where people still spoke French, did not travel farther than two parishes from the place of their birth, and believed, in their incurable innocence, that the smokey, green-canopied swamplands of South Louisiana would always be there for them.
