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I snorted disbelievingly at that.
“Okay, maybe not like this, but accidents do happen. All we have to do is get it seen to, and that’ll be it. Now, get in the car, and let’s go and do that.”
I swear I felt like the biggest asshole in the world as I climbed up behind the wheel, and then came my next problem. Canon’s vehicle was the complete opposite of mine. Whereas my Mini was made for people who weren’t his height, his was created for people who weren’t mine.
Putting my finger on the button that moved the seat forward, I waited, and waited, and waited, until it couldn’t go any farther forward. If I raised the back of the chair and sat closer to the wheel, I’d be able to drive it. I was sure of it.
By the time I had it all adjusted and the mirrors to my liking, I looked over at Canon, who was watching me incredulously.
“Do you want me to go back inside and find a phone book or an encyclopedia for you to sit on, too?”
I’d blame my shock and guilt on the fact I didn’t pick up on the sarcasm in his voice. “Um, I’m not sure it’d make a difference. I can see over the wheel and reach the pedals if I sit like this. Oh, but maybe a cushion would be an idea, so I don’t slide back in the seat.”
Lucky for me, he went back inside and picked up two cushions for me, but it wasn’t until I parked in front of the hospital that it sank in.
“You were being sarcastic about the encyclopedia, weren’t you?”
“Yup, very.”
Dropping my head down onto the steering wheel, I groaned. “And I made you go back in to get cushions when you’ve got a broken collarbone thanks to a Jurassic dildo.”
“Yup again, and we’re going to go inside and get it fixed. While we’re there, they’re also going to check my leg because I’m fairly sure it’s bleeding through my pants.”
And that’s exactly what we did. I also became the person I’d done everything not to be—the one all the medical staff and patients who’d been close enough to hear the story of how it’d happened whispered about as we walked past them.
To add to my misery, Reid pulled back the curtain while we were waiting for them to look at Canon’s leg.
“Had a report of a man getting beaten up by his wife’s dildo. You know,” he mused, tapping his chin as Carter appeared beside him, his lips fighting against the smile he so desperately wanted to break free. “It did cross my mind that it’d involve you.”
“I said he was talking shit,” Carter shrugged, hooking his thumbs into his tactical vest.
“He did,” Reid agreed, “but then we were told the details on our way from the reception desk, and it just seemed like the type of thing y’all would be involved in.”
His eyes flicked to me. “Tut, tut, imagine beating up your boyfriend with a gigantic dildo that’s…” he looked down at the pad in his hand and recited, “’so big you couldn’t believe anyone would be able to use it for its intended purpose.’”
A grunt came out of Canon, telling us he’d tried laughing and it’d hurt. “Shit, don’t make me laugh. You should have seen her swinging it around like she was Braveheart.”
Both of the other men laughed as I covered my burning cheeks.
“What happened to your leg, man?” Carter asked, gesturing with his chin toward the ugly looking cuts. “Did the dildo have T-Rex teeth, too?”
This time I saw Canon’s chest jerk as he laughed, then grabbed his chest and groaned. “No, that was the fucking cat.”
Reid’s lips twitched. “Just not your day, is it?”
“Fucking right.”
“Are we arresting her? I mean, we know that’s DB’s thing, but I don’t see why we can’t make an exception.”
I narrowed my eyes at Canon, daring him to say yes and making sure he knew he’d regret it if he did. Tabby might find it cute when DB arrested her—after she’d calmed down—but I wasn’t cut from the same cloth as her.
“Nah. But if you want to take the dildo in for evidence, I’ll hand it in on my way to work tomorrow.”
As we walked through the front door of my house later, my hand clutching the bag with Canon’s antibiotics and painkillers in it, I tripped over something and would have fallen to the floor if I hadn’t been still holding onto the door handle. As it was, the door swayed in, hit the wall, and then shunted me back again into Canon.
Reaching for the light switch, I felt around with my toe, encountering something hard just as the light turned on. “What the hell’s that?”
“Looks like we found the real reason dinosaurs are extinct.”
