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Why else would Manu ignore my messages if this wasn't somehow my fault?
It makes sense. It makes complete sense.
Why would he leave without a single word, after all the time we spent together recently, if I'm not the one threatening to topple his empire?
It might be better for everyone, Manu included, if I just left. I can find another job, and he can get things back in order around here.
Why stay and watch the building collapse when I'm the earthquake shaking the foundation?
Maybe I should just quit.
10
Manu
“Are these really the numbers?” I ask James as I scroll through the most recent spreadsheet in my email.
It's looking good. It's better than I thought. I knew things were in a downward spiral, but I didn't think it would bounce back so quickly. I'm impressed.
“Yeah, they are. They look awesome, right?” he asks. I can hear the excitement in his voice and can even picture his pleased grin. “I told you not to worry. See, I was right.”
“You were right, nice job. I'm happy to see this. If we can keep this up, we'll be sipping Cristal on a yacht in no time.”
“I know you're trying to sound happy right now, but you're obviously not.”
I exhale a slow breath as I push the laptop across the table and lean back in the chair. My eyes drift to the big picture window, and I look out at the ocean.
He's right. I'm not happy. I should be, though. I should be ecstatic, especially with seeing the numbers going in the right direction. This is what I've worked for, to build this company into something great. But I don't feel any ounce of happiness.
I'm empty and fucking miserable.
“I'm happy,” I say sternly.
“No, you're not. Manu, we've worked together for almost ten years. I know you.”
“This call isn't to discuss my feelings, James. It's to go over the financials, and how we rank this week. What I'm thinking, whatever it is I'm not saying, doesn't fucking matter.”
James is breathing heavily into the receiver, and the sound of papers flipping crackles in the background. “I just thought you'd sound a little more enthused about us not being in the red.”
“And I am, regardless of how I sound. What do you want from me? You want me to scream for joy and praise you like a child who did the right thing?”
“No, that's not—”
I cut him off before he can finish his sentence. “Then just believe what I'm telling you and stop acting like I should be lighting fireworks and shooting off an air horn. We're still not out of hot water yet, and I won't be really happy until the profit margin multiplies tenfold. Are we clear on that? Or do you need me to sing it to you in lullaby form so you can understand?”
“Okay, okay, I get it.”
“So, we're clear then? You give me the information I want and when I feel it's excitable enough, I'll let you know.”
“Yeah, we're clear.”
“Good.”
I hate when grown adults actively search for praise. It drives me crazy. I pay people to do a damn job, it's that simple. If you don't do your job well, then I'll fire you without a second thought. But I'm not here to hold people's hands or cheer them when they're doing exactly what I hired them for. This isn't high school. This is real life.
“All right, with that out of the way, I only have one last question. Do you know when you're coming back to the office?” James asks, changing the subject.
“I'll be back when I'm back. I don't have a set date, but whatever you're doing, keep doing it. It's working.”
“Is that a compliment?” he asks with a light chuckle.
“I'm hanging up, James.”
“I'll call you with an update in a day or two, boss.”
“Oh, James, one more thing. . .”
“Yeah?”
“Ronda, down in the editorial bay, how has she been doing?”
I'm curious if she's doing any better with her work now that I'm gone. Obviously, leaving has helped in some ways. I'm just not sure how much. This new spike could be organic. Or it's because I'm not there as a distraction.
“Well, she was doing good, but then she quit.”
Quit. . .
“Wait, she what?” I ask again.
“She quit. She turned in her resignation a couple days ago and hasn't been back since. I've already got a few candidates I like, so I should have the position filled soon.”
“Did she say why?”
I didn't expect this. I knew going on this hiatus was risky, but I had to go. I never thought she'd walk away from the job while I was gone.
“No, she just quit.”
I try to hold back the surprise in my voice. No one knows about us. No one else has a clue that we've been having this secret relationship. Which is why I had to take a break for a bit. I couldn't focus with her around. I had to get away. Everything I worked so hard to build was starting to fall apart. I had to do something to change its course.
