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“I’ve never been a commitment-type guy,” I said, shrugging.
“Maybe because you never found a woman who made you want to commit,” he suggested.
“I don’t even know what a commitment means.”
“Don’t you, though?” he asked, pushing off the wall. “Pretty sure I haven’t seen you even look at another woman since you got with that Murphy girl. Seems like you understand it just fine.”
And with that, he went back into the clubhouse, leaving me with my mind reeling.
Because he wasn’t wrong.
But that was the problem, wasn’t it?
“That Murphy girl” was the only woman that I couldn’t commit to, even if I had the mind to. Which I wasn’t ready to admit that I did.
Hypothetically, though, let’s say I did want that with her.
Her brothers had in no uncertain terms told me to stay the fuck away from her ‘or else.’ And at this point in my career, I knew that, when it came to the mafia, they didn’t mean a stern talk or another ass-kicking.
And while they generally kept their business private—as did anyone in organized crime—I’d heard rumors about their willingness to let the bodies pile up.
They wouldn’t hesitate to let my body be one of those.
I didn’t think they were an irrational bunch. Especially Cillian. If I somehow proved myself worthy of her, I imagined they would let me see her.
That said, how the fuck could I prove myself worthy of seeing her without seeing her and showing them that I had good intentions, since I was forbidden to see her?
It was an in-fucking-possible situation.
All I knew was that I couldn’t fucking get her out of my head.
I actually left my phone in the common area of the clubhouse to avoid calling her at night.
Yeah, that was how fucked I was about the whole thing.
And seeing her with another guy had just sent it all into overdrive.
I hadn’t gotten a good look at him, either. Which pissed me off an unreasonable amount.
The door had opened and I hadn’t bothered to look up until blonde hair caught my eye. By then, the guy had already slipped into the booth with his back to me.
And after the whole bathroom thing, she seemed to rush through her meal and leave.
All I knew about him was that he wasn’t very tall and had medium-brown hair.
That was it.
Not much to go on.
I couldn’t help but wonder, though, what he had going for him that made him acceptable in her brothers’ eyes.
Was he just a normal guy? One without criminal affiliations and prison record?
Or was it that he was maybe Irish. Was that it? He had to be in some way a part of their organization?
I could see that putting the fear of God into a man, making sure he never upset Dell.
I had no idea.
All I knew was I was fucking jealous of any man who got to spend time with her when I wasn’t permitted to.
My mind was still reeling with those thoughts about a week later when I got a text.
And since all my brothers were in the building somewhere, I felt something a little too closely resembling hope to be comfortable spreading through my system.
But it wasn’t the number I had programmed into my phone as hers.
It was an unknown number.
Dell is coming back to work tonight. Thought you might be interested in this information.
Nyx.
That had to be Nyx.
It seemed a little soon for Dell to be going back to work.
Her ribs were likely still at least tweaking her when she tried to turn or reach for anything. And then there was the whole sling thing.
She was, what? Only two weeks out of healing, give or take a couple of days.
It usually took at least a month for her shoulder and ribs to feel mostly better.
Stubborn ass was probably just sick of being in the house.
- She’s not healed enough to be working.
Yeah, well, try telling her that. She said the sling will get her sympathy tips lol. Don’t worry. I will make sure she’s not overdoing it.
- I’m not supposed to be anywhere near her.
Pretty sure that rule doesn’t apply to just patronizing the bar.
- Pretty sure I don’t want an early grave if you’re not right about that.
It’s fine. Rian and Eoin are working tonight, not the others.
I didn’t know a hell of a lot about Eoin. Eoin and Sean were the harder brothers to get a feel for. They were both more reserved.
But Rian wouldn’t give a shit.
He would probably be fucking someone in the back office instead of actually working.
And if Nyx thought Eoin wasn’t going to be a problem either, then I figured there was not much to lose.
I could at least see her.
See if she still had that look in her eye when she looked at me.
Was that borderline fucking pathetic of me?
Yep.
But that didn’t stop me.
