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Leaning my head against the headboard, I looked up at the ceiling. “Anyway… You want to know something messed up—as if this night wasn’t messed up enough?” I looked over at the cat. “Okay, I’ll tell you.” I paused. “I’m not even sure of my motives anymore. I tried to convince myself I was just trying to get her to trust me. But I think this is more about me liking her now. Which is dangerous. Where’s that gonna get me if she doesn’t like me back? Or if she likes me but doesn’t trust me? You see how complicated this situation is? You have no idea how lucky you are, Patrick, not having to worry about this kind of shit. As long as you have your food and your water and some foot to rub your asshole against, you’re good. You don’t need validation or affection or sex. You’re better off.”
I heard a rumbly purr—a snore, actually. Patrick had fallen asleep. I couldn’t blame him for shutting my rambling out.
As I tried to fall asleep myself, I kept picturing Aspyn’s face, at the same time trying to convince myself to stop thinking about her that way. But like usual, the more I willed the thought away, the more it stayed.
Aspyn
Tuesday morning, my mother came to pick up Kiki and take her to school. Even though I normally drove her, Mom wanted to have breakfast with us to tell me all about the wedding she and my father had attended over the weekend. They’d just gotten back late last night. Mom had really missed her granddaughter and felt bad that she wasn’t here when Kiki got her period for the first time.
My niece lifted the stuffed animal Troy had bought her at the supermarket. “Grandma, look at my new unicorn.”
“Very cute! What’s her name?”
“Menses.”
I jerked to look at Kiki as I stirred my coffee.
“Strange choice, but I suppose given the circumstances, I can understand,” my mother said.
“I looked up another name for period and saw that,” Kiki explained. “This toy reminds me of my period. Aspyn’s friend Troy bought it for me.”
My mother looked over at me. “I see. Well, Menses is very pretty.”
I rolled my eyes at the ridiculousness of the name choice. I’d filled my mother in on everything that happened the other night, including my recent interactions with Troy, before Kiki woke up.
After Kiki left the breakfast table to get dressed, my mother turned to me as she finished the last of her coffee.
“So…this Troy. You think you’ll invite him over again?”
I hesitated. “I’m not really comfortable with that.”
“Why are you uncomfortable? Because you like him despite your history?”
“Who said I like him?”
She gave me a look that said, stop lying to yourself.
“I don’t want to like him.” I sighed. “I’m extremely attracted to him, though I don’t like admitting that. And I think that’s why I’m so focused on him lately. It’s like I can’t think straight around him because I have these blinders on.”
Her brow lifted. “There’s nothing more to it than physical attraction?”
I’d tried to blow off all of the other things brewing inside me since the other night. He’d been so sweet to step in when I needed help with Kiki. He’d opened up to me. I actually hadn’t wanted to flee when we were talking out on my deck.
But I shook my head. “There can never be anything more between us than this friendship of sorts. Number one, he doesn’t want a relationship. Number two, I don’t think I could ever trust him fully after what he did to Jasmine in high school. Number three, he doesn’t even live here full time.” I pointed my index finger toward her. “You know what? Thank you for helping me see the light.”
“I didn’t even say anything, Aspyn.”
I turned to pack my lunch into a container. “Well, talking it out still helped me realize I need to get these weird feelings in check.”
I took one of Troy’s cookies from the container and bit into it before placing the rest in some plastic wrap so I could take them to work. They somehow tasted better after a few days.
Damn Troy, and damn his cookies, too.
• • •
It was an ordinary Tuesday at Horizons until I walked into Mr. Serrano’s room at two. I’d assumed I’d be accompanying Troy and him on the usual excursion, and I’d been looking forward to it all day—despite everything I’d fed my mother this morning.
But when I got there, Nancy was already sitting with Mr. Serrano.
“Hey, Nancy. What’s up?”
“So, change of plans, Aspyn. You’re no longer needed to accompany Mr. Serrano.”
A deep voice from behind me said, “What?”
I turned around to find Troy in the doorway, looking just as taken aback as I was.
“Today or moving forward?” I asked her.
“Moving forward.”
Troy’s eyes widened.
