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“He and I matched before you and I started this…thing. We messaged briefly this past week, but nothing came of it, nor had I planned for anything to happen with him.”
Troy just kept nodding and looked away. “Wow.”
“What?”
“I don’t like how I reacted just now.” He shook his head, seeming dazed. “Like a fucking jealous bastard.” His expression was sincere. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair. I don’t know what came over me. I shouldn’t have been upset at you. We’re not exclusive, right? I have no right to question anything.”
“It’s okay,” I assured him. “I would’ve felt the same way if the roles were reversed.”
Troy blinked, not seeming to have absorbed what I’d just said. “You know what?” He walked over to the end table by the front door and grabbed his keys. “I’m gonna take a drive.”
My eyes widened. “Where are you going?”
“Just for a ride.” He opened the door. “I’ll be back.”
He exited faster than I could even think to try to stop him. When the door shut behind him, the silence was deafening.
Feeling terrible, I didn’t quite know what to do with myself after he left. I kept wondering what the hell was going on in his head and what had compelled him to leave so suddenly. Was he that upset that I’d been chatting with another guy? Or was there something more to his reaction?
Two hours passed, and Troy still hadn’t returned. I must have cleaned my house three times over in an attempt to calm my nerves. I wasn’t sure if he was ever coming back.
At nearly 5 PM, I’d almost given up hope of his return when the doorbell rang.
I rushed to the door and opened it.
With his hands in his pockets, Troy flashed a hesitant smile. “Hey…”
“I was beginning to think you weren’t coming back.” I moved out of the way to let him in.
“I took a long drive,” he said.
“For two hours?”
“Yup.”
“Where did you go?”
“Nowhere really. I took back roads, traveling south. Listened to music.”
I pulled at the material of his shirt. “Troy, look—”
“No…” he interrupted, placing his hand over mine. “You don’t owe me any explanation, Aspyn. Forget anything you planned to say to me when I came back. I’m the one who needs to explain.” He inched closer so that he was right in front of me. “I was caught off guard by my reaction to that guy texting you. It made me realize that my feelings for you are stronger than I’d thought. I was overwhelmed by that and didn’t know how to express what I was feeling, so I left to clear my head.”
My heart pounded against my chest. “Did it help?”
“Somewhat.” He cupped my cheek. “Aspyn, I don’t know what’s going on between us or where it’s leading. But I do know that the thought of you with someone else right now makes me sick to my stomach.”
I swallowed. “Noted.”
“I needed to make sure I understood myself before I came back here to explain. The more I drove, the clearer it became.” He spoke over my lips. “I don’t want to share.”
His mouth enveloped mine. My legs felt weak as my body melted into his. He grabbed my ass and squeezed it hard, almost possessively, as our tongues collided. I reached up and ran my hands through his silky hair, relishing his taste, and once again wondering what the hell I was supposed to do about my undeniable feelings for this man.
He broke the kiss. “As long as we’re doing this, no other people, okay?” He looked deeply into my eyes. “Unless that’s not what you want?”
“I haven’t thought about anyone else for a long time,” I admitted. “Yes, I responded to that guy’s message. I felt like I needed to keep my options open, even though I had no intention of meeting up with him while we were spending time together.” I sighed. “But I’m confused, Troy. Because this is temporary, isn’t it? That’s been my understanding this entire time. You’re leaving. I’ve been trying not to get my heart involved based on that assumption.”
He leaned his forehead against mine. “That was my plan before I realized I had these feelings. Maybe we should just…see where things go? Not label it, but not close the door either. Right now I can’t stand the thought of you with anyone else.”
I stepped back. “So, you’re saying this is more than just a physical thing for you?”
“Did today not prove that? I have genuine feelings for you, Aspyn. I don’t only want to fuck you. I want to date you.” He looked down at his feet. “But at the same time, I don’t want to make promises when I don’t have much experience with monogamous relationships.”
“Have you ever been monogamous?”
He took my hand. “Let’s sit.” Troy led me to the couch. “I had one serious relationship after grad school when I first moved out to Seattle,” he began. “I never cheated on her, but I also didn’t feel like she was the one. Sarah ended up getting a job out of state, and when I convinced her to take it without suggesting we try a long-distance relationship, things ended. But that relationship hadn’t even lasted a year.” He searched my eyes. “What about you? When was your last relationship?”
